How do you get over a guy that you will have to see frequently?

Question

Well...I was dating a guy whom I truly liked. He was not my average type. I like skinny guys and he wasn't. But I thought I was falling for his charm! That was only game though. anyway he is really good friends with my cousin and my cousin and I are rooommates. We stopped dating on last Friday and I will see him again on Wednesday. I want to show him that I am over him and send him wanting me back. O and I am not taking him back, by the way! What should I do?

Answer 1

I think the question is two-fold. (1) How do you get over them? and (2) How do you deal with seeing them frequently?. Having been in a situation at least as bad as yours, I can tell you it's not easy, but it's probably easiest if you acknowledge to your cousin the fact that it will be difficult for you at first. Most reasonable, mature people would sympathize with that and not insist you "hang out together" at the times when your ex- is present.

In a way, you can use this as a blessing since one helpful way to discern whether you are over a past lover is to feel indifference (not negative, not positive) as to whether you see them that day. Seeing him so often will provide constant reinforcement of where you are in the getting-over-him process, which you can use to provide motivation to get over him quicker. But once you've succeeded in getting over him, you should be able to see your ex- just like any other person in the world -- no better, no worse. It's hard but doable. If your goal is to get him wanting you back, well that's not the way of getting over someone, it's a way of getting retribution; so be clear about what your goal is while noting that retribution and getting over an ex- are likely not complementary objectives (even though retribution will make you feel better or righted, it won't address how you feel about the ways he's hurt you by having played you -- those are issues you need to address independently of any retributive desires, independently of him, and independently of your cousin). In terms of successfully dealing with being hurt and successfully getting over someone, it always helps me to focus on the fact that if they are not with me, then it is because (a) they aren't good enough for me, (b) they weren't treating me right, (c) they couldn't appreciate what a great catch I was, or (d) our relationship was unhealthy and therefore both of us are better off for our being separated. Once you understand the reasoning for your being single, the next step is to acknowledge that the negative aspects of your relationship were real and that therefore you are better off without them. I personally think it's healthy not to date (or especially hookup with) anyone for while (two weeks to 6 months depending how hung up you are, how deep and meaningful your connection was, and how long the relationship lasted) because it ultimately lowers your self-esteem even though it helps you short-term feel temporarily slightly better. So if you take the break you need, focus on what didn't make you happy about the relationship, learn what you can to wisen you against repeating any similar mistakes in future rels, and can find a way to see this ex- as no different (not better, not worse than a stranger on the street; acting no colder or warmer than you would to one anyway) from anyone else in this world, you'll have succeeded in getting over this person. Again for the how, it helps to acknowledge to your cousin and self whatever emotional pain you are feeling is real and is cause enough for you to justifiably keep some distance from him until you feel comfortable testing how "over" him you are.

I hope this is helpful!

-MEL

Answer 2

You don't need to see him for awhile. You need time to breathe and grieve. Seeing so soon after a breakup is like picking at an open wound. It's never going to heal unless you leave it alone and let it. I would suggest that you ask your cousin to respect your boundaries during this time and politely ask him/her to met with your ex outside of the house until you feel you are ready to face him with poking at your wounds. I don't know what your healing time is. It could be days or weeks but you definitely need it.

Answer 3

Obviously you are not over him if you want to play such games. Why don't you just feel the pain and loss? That hurts, but then you heal and can truly move on without the need to try and jerk the guy around. that sort of stuff usually backfires anyway.

Answer 4

If it will upset youl stay away. You have to take care of yourself, and that includes upsets. If family and others do not understand, tough!

By the way, this restimulation can actually be harmful to you. Give it a few weeks and a few dates elsewhere.

Answer 5

Tell your cousin your going out with another guy and then don;t be there when your ex comes over. Go hang out with your girls or do something else, get your mind off of him.

I'm skinny and single... ;)

Answer 6

the thing that i don't get is how if u don't like the guy any more why is you still trying to make yourself interested n him by him wanting you its going to make you think dat you want him and then It going to lead to quickie and all over again the same thing gone to happen.So my advice is just stay away from him and find somebody else that catches your eye .

Answer 7

no offence but that's mean! You want him to like you but you are just gonna bring him closer until he musters enough strenghth to ask you out and truly like you and you are gonna look him strieght in the eye and say 'no.' You, acting like that, are a jerk and not someone to be wasted on.

Answer 8

ask yourself if you still love him!see him at least once a week for a while on a friend ship get together for a while.If your st ll in love with him you will slowly get thought It;

Answer 9

in really don't know why you would want to do that to someone, it sounds kind of mean. to lead him on and shut him down. it's happened to me and it sucks. but if you want him to want you, you have to do just that, 1. lead him on a little 2. shut him down. and repeat until he goes crazy

Answer 10

you shouldn't do anything....doing that is messing with his heart and thats messed up..
you wouldn't want someone to hurt you like that.....
you need to just get over it, get over yourself and move on with life..
you obviously don't care about him if you'd do that to him