I have lost touch with my daughter how can i get her to accept me?

Question

I was not ready to be a dad and had a lot of problems at the time i have a 2mnth old daughter who i see but i don`t see my elder daughter. I want her to accept me and have no idea what to say i mainly want advice as i feel it is important for children to have contact with both parents the mum has made this situation very awkward

Answer 1

My mothers father was the same way...except he never told her how he felt....sit down and have a heart to heart with her...be honest and tell her you are sorry...that is all you can do....the truth helps....tell her you were not ready to be a father...tell her that that does not excuse your actions but you hope that she can one day forgive you and that you want your relationship to grow and that you are ready to be the father that you should have been a long time ago....thats what my mom has always wanted to hear.....hope this helps......talk to the mom and tell her the same thing....try not to argue...just talk, be the better person...some moms stand gaurd because they do not want the children to get hurt again....understand where she is coming from.

Answer 2

You absolutely right. It is important for the child to have contact with both parents, if it can be. The very first thing you must work on is the mother (mum) she have to understand the importance of you being involved with your elder daughter life. You must use ways of communicating with the mother and explain to her the awkwardness is not helping.

Take her mom out for dinner and explain you faults. Let her know you intention in being in your elder daughter's life is to give her father she needs, and how much you love your kids. Ask her for her advice and help (her mother hold some authority on this matter whether you like it or not. If she is on you side, she could make the manner a little easier) Take her suggesting and work with it in negotiations.

If her mom refuses to go to dinner or even talk sensibly to you. Write a detail letter to her pleading for her advice and help. Also make a copy and have it sent to your elder daughter as well. Your elder daughter can read the effort you are making to be close to her, by reasoning with her mother.

Trust, is the key factor your elder daughter needs from you. Therefore, you must slowly attach your feeling toward her at her own willing pace. There are little things you can do to start gaining her attention. Send her some flowers and candy with a small cute bear, ask her if you can call (or write to her and ask) call her three times a week, and can you attend any school functions? Once you and her are considerably close take her and her mother to dinner and let it grow from there.

If any disagreements occurs, something she doing or going to do, talk to her mother first! Get her on your side, and work with it from there on...I will keep you and your family in my prayers. If I can help any other way, pls let me know.

God Bless.

Answer 3

Good decision my friend, Congratulations, try to clarify that to her mother to help you, that you feel that it is important for children to have contact with both parents , why her mother make it awkward? there must be a reason, anyway also clarify to your daughter about the reasons that you had a lot of problems at the time, try to teach her how to forgive and tell her that if she will become a mother someday she might understand that being a mother or father ain't easy, tell her that life is short and we all do mistakes and that life is about forgiving, learning and sharing, Don't forget to hug her, she is a girl anyway and that means she has a big heart :) try to buy or rent a movie which deal with such a problem and give it to het to watch it or song or a story book, or give her a shirt with "I love you m Daughter"
you can contact me if you need more help, just click on my username and send me a message
All the best

Answer 4

depending on how old she is i think she will accept you in time. You just need to show her that you are there for her now - a stable father figure and not some part time father. If the mum lets you have contact with your daughter you should take her out somewhere where she wants to go and have a nice long chat about how she feels and what she wants.

Answer 5

And the mother may have had a right to do so.
Have you been paying child support throughout?
That's an obligation... your daughter didn't ask to be born, you did that on your own.
It's one thing not being ready but it's something quite different if you didn't live up to providing for the child's welfare.
If you have been providing, then she should not have a hard time accepting you into her life. On the other hand think of how you would react if someone brought you into the world and left you on your own without support.

Answer 6

you dont say how old your elder daughter is, try telling her how you feel, why you wasn't around etc, if you can't talk to her in person, try writing everything in a letter, just let her know you love her and no matter what you will always be there for her, even if she rejects you, tell her you will never give up on her as your her father, she will eventually talk to you.
Girls need a father, i grew up without one, i met mine when i was 17 years old for the first time, i had 1001 questions for him but my main one was why did you walk out on me? kids dont understand, they think their dad abandoned them if the relationship with the mother ended, so bear that in mind.

Answer 7

Stop dithering and sort it out. Life is short.
I am sure she will accept you you just need to be honest with her. Maybe being prepared for bad feelings at first but be persistent and i'm sure it will work out. You are right children do need both parents. My mom and dad split when i was little never saw much of him, when i got to the grand age of 18 (when i could really make up my own mind and get to know him) he sadly died.Either way don't leave it to late! Good Luck.........

Answer 8

Well first of all with her being older it is going to be hard for her to accept you, most likely she feels resentment towards you for not being there for her when she was younger. Just take things slow and easy, dont try to step in too quick, start out with little things, make her promises and be sure to keep them, that will gain her trust. I know it will be hard but for now you need to be more of a father than a friend, if you step in and try to tell her what to do it will push her away, shes going to ask what right you have to step in now when you werent there before. Just remember dont push. I hope things work out for you and her because it is really important for a girl to have a dad in her life.

Answer 9

you just need to continuing trying to be a dad
other wise things will only continue to get worse.
She will eventually come to realize she needs her dad around too
It also sounds though you need to chat with the mother and let her know shes hurting her daughter by making the situation awkward, ask her to try and help you build a relationship with your daughter,if not for you , for your daughter.You could maybe try arrange something like a day out, all together, if your daughter see"s her mum is accepting "dad"than maybe she will to
good luck anyway

Answer 10

Don't make excuses about the oldest daughter. Go see her. Only time makes more time and then time flies and then goes and she will then be angry and too old to enjoy the young years. Make every second count. Call her every day until you win her trust again. Make sure you reassure her that you love her and answer any questions she has.