does anyone know the best joke? i'll give em 10 points?

Question

i really need to know this!

Answer 1

I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was
having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said,
"Daddy, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers.Trying to keep
her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth
and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers,"
pretending to eat them. I went back to packing, looked up again and my
daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a
devastated look on her face. I said, "What's wrong, honey?"
She replied, "What happened to my booger?"

Answer 2

There was a man in his 90's dating a much younger woman. After several failed attempt at having a romp in the bed with her that his thing just would not work. He went and saw a specialist who after running many tests and doing lots of blood work told the old man that he was sorry but there were no drugs that would help him. It seemed that he had, had an infection when he was younger that had destroyed the muscles at the base of his unit and they could not be repaired.

Well the old man looked upset and dejected and the doctor felt sorry for him, so he told him that there was a new surgery that had worked on several men but it was just in the trial stages and they could not garantee anything. He said that they can take some of the muscles from an elephant's trunk and transplant them at the base of the mans pen!s and after several weeks it should start working again and that there is no harm to the elephant.

The old man thought about it and then said lets do it. So he had the surgery done and a few weeks later the doctor told him he could give it a try.

So he took his much younger girlfriend to a nice candle lit restaurant for a nice romantic dinner. After a little while he started to feel some discomfort in the lower part of his body so he reached under the table and unzipped his pants. He felt relief right away. After a couple of seconds his wiener came out from under the table, grabbed a dinner roll and took it back under the table. Well the girlfriend was shocked at first but after the initial shock wore off she said " that was kind of cool, could I see it again?" He said, " sure but I don't know if I can fit another dinner roll in my bum.".

Answer 3

This is said to be the best joke in the world:

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“

Answer 4

Two guys go to the beach. While they are putting on their suits, one of them says, "y'know, we both have great tans all over our body except our private area." His buddy says, "That's right, too bad."
The other guy says, "Well now, wait a minute. Why don't we go down to the end of the beach where people seldom go, bury ourselves in the sand except our privates and that way they will get to match the rest of our body?"
"Okay, let's do it."

These two retired teachers are strolling down the beach when one of them exclaim," How about that! All my life I've been looking for those and here they are groing wild!"


This guy is staying at this hotel. In the morning, after his shower, he hears the newspaper being delivered. But when he goes out to get it, it's further from the door than he thought and when he dashes out to get it, the door slams shut, locking him out, stark naked!

All of a sudden, he hears a couple of women coming around the corner so he quick stands and poses like a statue.

One of the girls looks at him and grabs his thingamagig and shortly after exclaims, "Oh look, Jergens Lotion!"

Answer 5

He Said, She Said
He said... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.

She said...You wear briefs, don't you?

He said... Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?

She said...Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money.

He said... Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way.

She said...Well, you have succeeded.

He said... You have a flat chest and need to shave your legs, have you ever been mistaken for a man?

She said...No, have you?

He said... Why do you women always try to impress us with your looks, not with your brains?

She said...Because there is a bigger chance that a man is a moron than he is blind.

He said... Let's go out and have some fun tonight.

She said...Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.


Hope u laughed i did♥

Answer 6

I read this joke on here, actually, and have been cracking up over it ever since:

A woman boarded a bus with her baby, only to have the bus driver tell her, "that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" Furious, the woman finds a seat, telling the man next to her that she was just insulted by the driver. "Lady, if I were you", he says, "I'd march right up there and tell that driver off. Here, I'll hold your monkey."

Answer 7

A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."

Answer 8

why couldn't g unit go on the bus.They only had 50 cent.
what is a privetes favorite place to eat.arr-bys.
what do u call a lazy cop who just stays in bed, under the sheets.
undercover .

Answer 9

I know the best joke!

Answer 10

There were these four mothers at a docters office because they each had a horrible obsession. They were asked to bring their child.
The doctor went up to the first mother and said:
"You are obsessed with sweets, therefore you named your daughter Candy." he went to the next mother and said
"You are obsessed with alcohol, therefore you named your son Jack Daniel." he went to the next mother and said
"You are obsessed with money therefore named your daughter Penny." before the doctor ever got to the fourth mother she whispered to her son.

"Come on Dick, let's get out of here."