is it appropriate to allow some children at a wedding and not others?

Question

ok, my fiance and i are coming up with our guest list, and we're stuck on the children issue. he has a young cousin, who will be 7 at the time of our wedding. my cousin recently had a baby, and is pregnant again. those children will be 2&3 for our wedding. we're wondering if it would be ok to allow the 7 year old (who by the way, we see a lot more than we see my cousin and her children. we are closer with his family than mine) but not the toddlers, since they won't be easy to keep under conrtol, and we don't want toddlers screaming while we're trying to say our vows. would this be ok to do? i don't want to offend his aunt and uncle, whom we are fairly close with, but i also don't want to upset my cousin! thanks!

our wedding is going to be outside, so having a playroom is not an option, as good of an idea as it is!

also, these are the only people (as of right now) who have children. all of our other relations will be over 18. and we don't have a flower girl/ringbearer.

it's not that i don't love my little cousins (and i'm very empathetic, so i can imagine how my cousin would feel) i don't want children there, so that my cousin doesn't feel left out, however my fiance thinks his aunt and uncle will be upset if we say no children because he thinks that his cousin will be kept under control if we allow him to come. i'm not so sure. how would i explain to his aunt and uncle if they were upset? (which i don't think they would be) my fiance was upset when i mentioned this to him earlier

Answer 1

The kid situation is a sticky one ... the general etiquette rule is you either have to invite all kids, or none. You could also decide to not allow kids at the ceremony but having them at the reception instead. Depending on your budget, you could also decide to hire a mime, or have some sort of entertainment set up for the kids (sand art, coloring books, etc) so that they are occupied during the reception. Since that can get expensive, it is usually a good idea, at that point, to say no kids and make it much easier on everyone. Your family will understand the situation ...

Answer 2

I can not understand why any parents would bring children to an adult function when the kids don't know what is going on! Have you ever seen a toddler sit still for an hour? I haven't! LOL

If your cousin is coming from out of town, offer to get a sitter just for the wedding, and then let the kids be there for the reception. So much will be going on then, and it would be easier. You don't want some child crying during the ceremony. When my friend got married, some child started screaming just as they were going to say their vows. Completely ruined it as they were having it videotaped.

If your cousin doesn't agree to that, what have you got to lose if you aren't that close to her anyway? It's your wedding, and you should be able to choose who will attend. The 7 year old would be okay if he is well behaved and understands that this is a very important occasion.

Just my opinion, of course. Happy wedding to you!

Answer 3

I asked this same type of question a couple weeks ago and here is what people told me. Either invite all kids or no kids at all. If you want to allow all kids, try to get a seperate room with a tv and hire a few babysitters that can have the really young kids watch movies and play games. Then order some pizza,snacks,and soda for them to eat. I guess a lot of the parents were real appreciative to have the kids out of their hair so they could enjoy their night. I actually decided to invite all the kids to my wedding in my family because I love kids and kids make weddings so much fun. If these kids have good parents, they will make sure that they are in line for the wedding. If you have a lot of worries about the kids, then don't invite them. I can't tell you how many times I wasn't invited to a wedding when I was younger and my parents just got a babysitter. But do remember if you have people coming from out of town, not inviting kids will be hard. Hope this all helps!

Answer 4

I dont think you can pick and choose what children are allowed to attend which arent and not expect the parents to be upset. I had a friend who tried "older children only" on the invite and all the parents of younger children called her very upset and asked her why she didnt like thier children. She had a lot of smoothing over to do and 2 cousins havent spoken to her since. If you are close to the parents of the 7 year old explain the dilemma to them and they will most likely understand and find a sitter. Or maybe you just have kids at the reception?

Answer 5

The invitations should read "Adult Reception". This is an adult event. You have a ton of things to remember and deal with on this ONE DAY and figuring out babysitting arrangements, child control and play rooms just doesn't work (unless you are combining families and both have children from previous marriage). Assuming you do not, I would suggest that you then cross off adult reception on the one invite (or immediate cousins only or whomever it is you want to share your special day)....then on the envelope write "Uncle Stan, Aunt Mabel and Matty" and include a note that says.....Aunt Mabel, this will be an adult reception, but of course, Matty is welcome. You could even follow it up with a phone call....or forego the note and just the call..... then heed this warning: NO EXPLANATIONS. Don't get into discussions of specific children why or whynot..... I would say I finalized the list with the caterer and this is the result of our best efforts.... nothing more. People will want to fix, change and help out with whatever excuse you give....and feelings will get hurt. Let your no be no. I think the confusion is that lots of people bring their kids to the ceremony--and thats fine. Usually it is open to the public and anyone can come...that is enough. If little sally needs to be part of the wedding her mom can bring her...but I can't say it enough.... "ADULT RECEPTION" LOL

Answer 6

You can invite anyone you want to your wedding. However, it could be a sticky situation if you cousin thinks no kids were invited then sees some there. You might consider hiring a babysitter to take care of all the kids. That is what I did for my wedding. The only "kids" there were my 14 year old cousin and 16 year old sister. All the younger cousins and various relations were left with babysitters at my in-laws house. If you feel close to the 7 year old and want to invite him, then do so. Just realize that the cousin with the younger children may feel hurt and misled because her children weren't invited.

Answer 7

Tough one! Unless you are offering babysitting services at your reception for those that have very small children (the 2 and 3 yr olds) Then I'd have to say no to all the children. It's hard when everyone involved is family, and even though a 7 year old has at least a better shot at behaving at a wedding/reception, and parents of younger children will not understand or see the difference in the ages, and it will lead to hurt feelings.

Answer 8

You know, for our wedding I was FREAKING OUT over the kids thing. We had a $80,000 wedding at a very upscale venue and I absolutely did not want any children there. I was very firm. And when my MIL said that people wouldn't come if they couldn't bring their kids I was like whatever. But my fiance was very upset by that so I would up aquiescing to this. But it made me SO ANGRY that I had to compromise my day. My day came...and I didn't even notice the children. There were over 10 of them under the age of 10 and I never saw any of them! I worried over nothing. The parents corral their kids, I swear. And you're so blissful and happy you don't see anything but your husband. So take some advice, take some stress off yourself, and just let it be. Kids are ok...I promise.

Answer 9

There is really no tactful way to do this. Usually, it is no children or all children. Most people do not invite children for the same reasons you mention: their behavior, particularly in toddlers, is extremely unpredictable. It is becoming increasingly common to not invite children to wedding ceremonies, so no one will be offended if no children are allowed. It would be a horrible idea to pick and choose which kids can come, unless they are your own or in your wedding party (flower girl/ring bearer).

Answer 10

It is perfectly fine to have no children - but you have to be careful with setting age limits, etc. My brother got married in fall and had neices/nephews/first cousins only. For simplicity reasons, it is MUCH better to have an age bracket but set it fairly high (13 or so) and stick to it. If you say 5, people will tellyou their 4 year old is "so mature" - if you say 10, their 9 year old is "so mature" etc. 13, 16 or 18 would be standard age choices and once you pick one -no exceptions.