After my fiance proposed to me I was in a daze the first month & that is when I chose my bridal party. There is one person in particular I wish I had never asked. She is not really my friend, I hardly ever see her..she is my fiance's best friend's girlfriend...
Is there any way i can un-ask her? :S I feel horrible for doing this, but I don't feel right having her up on the alter with me. Is there anything I can do?
2007-02-18 12:44:08 · 18 answers · asked by Stilettos 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
My fiance thinks it will hurt her. But if I don't do anything about this, I'm hurting inside. All the girls up there are girls who have been there for me through everything, & are close to my heart. I don't feel right having her there. Is there anything I can say that will lessen the blow, or will not hurt her?
2007-02-18 12:49:46 · update #1
Talk it over with your fiance. Get his feel. But remember it's your day and your choice. Just don't forget there will more than likely be bitter feelings that you'll have to deal with.
2007-02-18 12:47:28 · answer #1 · answered by Misty Eyes 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I dont agree.... I dont think that telling her everyone else is close and she is not is the way to break it to her. I think you tell her you feel horrible but the bridal party is too big and y ou were too quick to ask everyone you knew.... then apologize and let her know that you hope she will come to the wedding but you just can't have everyone that you asked the day you were engaged....we also had to un-ask several people. Our reason was that my mother in law insisted on two additional people and the couples were completely off....it would have resulted in 6 additional people by the time we met all her criteria for no married women with single men and no first cousins together and height and on and on..... so I just said...I am trying to make the moms happy and I love you to pieces but you dont want to be in the middle of this...so I am asking you with the most sorriest of sorry's to please step down.... then I still bought them gifts when I bought for my attendants.....as special friends...and all was fine.
2007-02-18 15:56:51 · answer #2 · answered by Sweetserenity 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok here is what you need to do: (if she has not already bought a dress or if you can find someone who is her size who can buy the dress from her, if she already ordered it) You need to MAKE UP a story to save her feelings and to spare yourself drama.
Call her up sounding annoyed. Say something like your mom or your fiance's mom has insisted you make ____ one of your bridesmaids. Pick someone to replace her that you really do want (and yes you need a replacement. If you have no other good friends than replace her with ANY female relative of yours or your fiance's that you like). Here is what I would say as an example:
"Hi (girl I dont want) it's me. I have a problem. My mother has told me I am limited to 4 (example, the number you already have) bridesmaids. AND she has insisted that I need to make my cousin sarah (example) a bridesmaid since she wants our family to feel more involved in the wedding. I am so sorry to ask you this but since we are relatively new friends, would you mind stepping down so my cousin could take your place? I have been having so many fights with my mom about the wedding and I just dont need anymore drama from her. She keeps threatening not to pay for my wedding. I think she thinks this is her wedding or something." Then let the cousin or whoever you replace her with in on the secret. Tell the cousin you really wanted HER and made the mistake to ask the other girl and tell her the lie you told the other girl, so if the other girl says anything she is in on the secret/lie.
Just sound VERY upset/ annoyed with your mom/ or fiance's mom and that they are MAKING you have someone else as your bridesmaid and you cant have more than (whatever # you have already) of bridesmaids.
2007-02-18 13:33:32 · answer #3 · answered by Educated 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think asking, then un-asking is a bad idea. I understand not wanting her in the wedding looking on it now, but you've asked, she's accepting, & I'm guessing she's planning & expecting to be in the wedding.
The only option you have is discuss it with her, check in to make sure she still wants to be in it. Never hurts to check in. She may have had a change of heart, or you may be able to tell that she's not really wanting to but agreed to just because you have a connection, even though it's a minor one. But if she excited or looking forward to it, I think asking her to step down could cause a bit of friction that you don't need to deal with when planning a wedding.
2007-02-18 12:50:25 · answer #4 · answered by layla983 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will not only be hurting her,
but your fiance's best friend.
It is very bad manners to try
and uninvite someone, for
whatever reason. I say just
bite the bullet and go through
with the wedding as planned.
Later you will be glad that you
were the bigger person and
not the picky lame brain. She
doesn't have to stand right
next to you, put her last in line.
Try and figure out what it is
about her that you dislike so much.
That may help you in deciding this.
2007-02-18 13:30:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would just suck it up and keep her in the party. You will be so busy and involved with things you will hardly notice. Why hurt her feelings at this point? I have been married 7 years, and my bridal party wasn't exactly perfect either, but I can assure you I lose no sleep over it.
2007-02-18 12:51:33 · answer #6 · answered by Jimee77 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't unask someone- it will reflect badly on you.
Do not consider all of this a negative as you have learned a valuable life lesson to take the time to really think before you speak.
If she accepted, just be greatful she did not reject you as she was probably trying to be polite on behalf of your fiances best friend... Turn the table. ... and both deal with it and have a wonderful day. Keep the welcome open for her. The etiquette and manners in this situation are on the table for both of you before many... she will feel special to be in the wedding along with the man she loves. He will be proud to have her by his side. Who knows, you may have made a new true friend with her. Just make it a wonderful day to celebrate you future. Your fiance needs to feel proud of you as his wife... bite the bullet as this is not a hard one to chew. Best Wishes to your future.
2007-02-18 15:35:22 · answer #7 · answered by lindasue m 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Just have her as part of the wedding party.
An extra 1 or 2 wont make a difference.
It's pretty hard to un-invite someone think how you would feel.
Besides she might surprise you and be one of the biggest helps in arranging things.
2007-02-18 13:41:37 · answer #8 · answered by Johnny 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You cannot remove her from the Bridal Party, this would really make you look bad. Things like this tend to be remembered years later.
2007-02-22 02:33:29 · answer #9 · answered by Icewomanblockstheshot 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I recommend dealing with it - if you don't you will always regret it. Perhaps explain to her nicely that you would prefer to ask someone else, and then ask her to do something else important to help you for the wedding, eg: usher, greeting guests, organise hen's night, bridal shower/kitchen tea, look after the flowers - the list is endless.
2007-02-18 14:34:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that you should unask someone to be in your wedding party after asking them unless they have indicated to you that they don't want to be in the wedding party. My husband was asked and then unasked to be in his sister's wedding party. It was a LONG time ago, but he still remembers it.
This girl will feel rejected. That's a terrible way to feel. Her boyfriend, your fiance's best friend will also be insulted.
2007-02-18 12:54:06 · answer #11 · answered by Tricia R 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋