Atheists, how should I explain to my dad...?

Question

That I don't believe in God?

Here's my situation:
I was raised a Lutheran Christian. I'm fourteen years old, my parents are divorced, and I haven't believed in God for several years, but back in November is when I actually decided to tell people about it. The first person I told was my mom, who I was with at the time. I've basically been telling everyone about me being an atheist when the oppurtunity struck, except for my dad. Most people have and accepted it, including my mom, and those that haven't are just slightly annoying about it.

I feel my dad would be a different case. He's a pretty conservative person. I can tell he definitely wouldn't appreciate hearing about this. I see it by the way he responds to other atheists and things that are against his views. We disagree with a lot of things and I try to argue my point without bringing religion into the spotlight. How and when should I explain my beliefs to him?

This actually has nothing to do with my parents' divorce. I only pointed that I so you would understand my current living situation. I go back and forth every week, and I mostly said that to explain why my mom didn't tell him already. I actually feel my parents are much happier, and I am somewhat happier since they've left each other and I've had no trouble. I became an atheist through thinking, and considering the probabilities. I'm not the rebellious type. Neither of my parents even go to church, and we all laugh at Becker.

Thanks for all advice, I'm looking for ways to tell him. I've already decided I'm going to tell him, and I'm not going to change or hide my beliefs. It's not a question of if I should, but how I will.

Answer 1

What did you get for Christmas?

Answer 2

I went through this when I was your age. It was my mother, however, that was the one who was so uptight over it. It was never really that easy. The 70's may have been a different time, but people can still be intolerant today. I took the stand that if I remained a good person and a good student that how could being an atheist make me a bad person. Over time I proved myself, but I had to work hard to make my point. The standard I had to live by was higher than before. It may seem ironic, but it was true. I would suggest that you be respectful and demonstrate the desire to make your father proud for what you do and not what you say. Don't be confrontational and express respect for his feelings and beliefs. Try to show him you still have a strong moral base even though you don't have a religious belief. This isn't really easy to do. I am sure you will have some conflict but you may end up getting more respect in the future. Good luck.

Answer 3

You are still young, you seem to be making a big deal about the fact that you have seen your way to becoming an "aetheist". It's almost as if
it has become the center of your life as to what you want to talk about to anyone who will listen to you, and here you are posting it on Yahoo. I realize that being a Lutheran is being a very strict form of Christianity, and I think you are going through a phase of becoming an individual, and this is a big part of it. There is nothing wrong with growing up and finding yourself. I give you a lot of credit for it. But you have to know that there are limits and boundaries. And you have to think about what you say to people and how it will effect them. Now think about this. You must love your father. You know that he is conservative and that he has his views on religion. Why would you have to go out of your way to even mention to him what your beliefs are? Is it going to win you a prize to tell him this? No. He doesn't need to know. Our parents don't need to know a lot about what we think and what we do. you are at a stage where soon you will be telling your parents less and less about what goes on in your life. Will you tell your parents everything about all the dates you go on, I should think not. So, Leave it be, and don't say anything unless it really becomes an issue where you have to say something. And if you have to say something, then say it in a way where it isn't threatening to his beliefs, and let him know that you have done a lot of thinking about it, and that you don't want to hurt his feelings, that you realize he is stong in his religious feelings, but you have to follow your own path. Try to do this while you are seated in a comfortable place at home,don't do it anyplace threatening. But really, don't make it into a big thing, and don't make it into such a big thing in the whole scheme of your life.

Answer 4

I was close to your age when I told my father the same thing. He disowned me. That's been 28 years now, and I can count on one hand the number of times I've seen him in all those years, and our "conversations" consist of about 3 sentences each. It's at that point we realize we have nothing to say to each other. We don't know a thing about each other's lives.

My dad's 80 years old, in poor health and suffering dementia. I missed out on a relationship with him. I have gone nearly my entire life without a father figure and it has affected me deeply. All because I became an atheist. You need to ask yourself if the possible consequences will be worth it.

If I had it to do over again, I never would have told my father.

Answer 5

You seem very mature for your age and I want to welcome to the free thinkers world. It's a liberating feeling isn't it?

I am 28 and I haven't told either one of my parents yet. they are older, very conservative, and VERY christian. I probably will never tell them. My siblings, close friends, and a few close cousins know. I'm not sure what to tell you. In my own situation I have played out in my mind how I would tell my parents. I have even thought of telling them that I'm an agnostic deist, that "maybe" they could accept that as a beginning step to atheism. Good luck with whatever you decide and feel free to email me if you have any questions.

(((hugs)))

Answer 6

i had the same problem with my mom, the christian fundie. it's hard because you want approval from your parents. but how can you approve a belief? something that may or may not exist? i just spit it out, i told her what i thought but i made sure i told her how much i loved her as well. we can't always agree on the same things, it's part of growing up. now we have an agreement not to talk about religion and the rest of our relationship is wonderful. my advice is to just tell him, if he gets mad just know he will get over it like everything else. good luck!

don't dwell on the negative because you never know......a two sided religious conversation could bring the two of you closer.

Answer 7

I wasn't an atheist when I was 14. In fact, I was pretty devout but beginning to question things. I didn't make my mind up until my 20s. It didn't come up between me and my dad until I was 30-something. He understood and respected my feelings. He's an agnostic. I doubt that helps you much. Maybe 14 is too young to make such a decision.

Answer 8

I'm 32 and I still haven't talk to my folks, my parents are together. I am sure my Dad knows but my Mom might freak out, not understanding what it means to be an atheist. I wish you luck and admire your courage.

Answer 9

Just believe in your own way.. in what ever you do or don't believe. You don't need to make a big yank about it.. just live your life, be a good person. Your Ma and Dad will understand over time

Answer 10

The belief in God is a great part of your parents' legacy. By not believing in God at this early age, you seem to be rejecting their legacy.
Maybe it is an attitude you developed in response to their divorce. By getting divorced, they at least partially divorced you.
By not accepting their legacy, you are also partially divorcing them in return.
I wonder if you would believe in God if you were raised by loving parents.
You seem to be very bright and I am sure that your father will accept your belief.

Answer 11

Just tell him. Maybe he can help you understand why you don't believe. What you really don't understand is that you have never believed. You need to figure out why-it can make a huge difference in your life.