Sudden suicidal thoughts but i really don't want to die??

Question

Things are going wonderfully in my life now, but I was diagnosed with depression last year (dysthymia). However I got really really wounded emotionally by an ex boyfriend over a few months untill the end of last year. And occasionally thoughts of that hurt come back and I get an odd strong compulsion to end everything, although at the time my mind and mouth are saying that i don't want to die. It doesn't last more than a few hours but it scares me because I have so much to live for. It just hurts that bad. any ideas what it could be? or suggestions or if you've had anything like this before please share

This is not a normal feeling it's only come up twice this year, and no i'm not suicidal now. I really don't want to die

Answer 1

You should talk to your therapist/psychiatrist about it asap. If you are feeling suicidal now, calll 911 or go the the ER.
These thoughts are not normal and you should get help right away.

Answer 2

I have bipolar disorder and nothing is worse than the black downward spiral that leaves you suicidal. You're right, it can go away after a short while, but that does nothing for you while you are in the grip of this. A couple ideas:

I actually wrote a short list of things that can break the chain. I'm sure you have your own escapes, but mine are:

a) hopefully I have a decent book out of the library and I just concentrate on that, blocking everything else out of my mind.

b) watch really crappy TV. Watching something utterly meaningless sort of dulls your mind, and your pain

c) watch baseball. Luckily the season is just starting. I maintain that baseball saved my life when I was hospitalized in 1985. It a gorgeous, beautiful, and yet ultimately meaningless thing to watch.

d) get a bite of chocolate

e) it helps to have someone around who can remind you of these things, because again, when you are in the clutches of that black monster, you are only looking down, not up.

f) do you have a sympathetic doctor who trusts you? My doctor told me to take 100 mg. of Seroquel when it just gets to be too much. This very effectively puts me to sleep! End of subject!

g) same as you, no matter how bad it gets, I know that ending it is wrong. Maybe it's the Catholic upbringing. You can't take a life, even your own.

h) One of the best things, if there's someone around to do it for you, is to have a cup of tea.

i) the universal cure of a hot bath

I remember once having a very bad suicidal jag and I called a couple of friends. They said to come to their house, and I watched Phil iron his shirts for hours. Wow! What an incredibly soothing way to come out of it.

You are experiencing something so scary that most people can't even imagine it. And even though they desperately would want to help your pain, they can't treat something they don't understand. So have your list written down. If someone is there, instruct them to make you do something on the list. If you're alone, and that's a terrible place to be, choose your own medicine from the list.

Finally, the big, never fail cure for me is: I NEVER want to be locked up again. Do anything in your power to pull yourself out of it, because you are a bright, vital, independant person. Once that psych ward door locks behind you, you are essentially a prisoner forced to make oven mitts to convince them that you are well enough to get out. and you are spending hundreds of dollars a day.

I have told my husband, if it ever comes down to a possible hospitalization, check me into the Ritz instead. You can be treated like a queen and eat room service all day. It'll cost less than a hospital stay and be far more enjoyable. Plus you can leave when you want.

Answer 3

Whenever I feel sad, I just read the chapter called "The Chart" in Sylvia Browne's book called Phenomenon.

I'm not a Christian, you see. I'm a spiritualist. I believe in spirit guides, spirits, ghosts anhd the unknown.

Sylvia explains that before we come to earth, we write out life chart. This chart entails when when have the chance to die, what music we like, what we look like, who our parents are going to be and all that sort of stuff.

In it, she explains we have these exit points. Usually about 5 in our life for where we can choose to pass over into the other world if we think we're not rady. Of course, suicidal people often go into this void like place until they have realized whatever it is that they need to. (But I don't believe that part).

Others who have died may co into "cocooning" which is where they are seperated from the others when they die and are given love and are cared for when they are better. People such as Joan of Arc would have gone here.

But if you've ever had a conversation and knew what was goiong to be said next, or you think of a song, turn on the radio and that song is on, that is us realizing that we are in tune with what we have written out in our charts.

I know it's a bit far fetched for those who don't believe in this stuff, but it makes me realize that this is what is supposed to happen. Although we are perfect beings in the other world, we come down to earth to learn things. If you've had a past life, this suicidal notion may have happened in the last one, as you haven't yet learned to keep living even though things are geting you down.

No matter how bad things seem whether you are depressed or not, knowing that you have put this awful time into your life to learn somethingcan take some ofthe horrors away.

The next time you feel depressed, literally sit down and ask yourself WHY would you want to die just because some idiot leaves a skid mark on your pristine toilet bowl of life.

Could it be that your spirit wants you to learn not to get wounded over people or things that happen that you can't control? Or maybe that you need to learn something after all this is over?

Whatever it is, you'll never know until you pass on, power yourself through this phase in whatever future lives you may have and god damn learn what you need to so that you never have to go through this again.

If you want to talk, I'm always here. Feel free to email me (as I'm not on yahoo much).

I'm always happy to talk, and I've helped others with your problem too.

Answer 4

Hello Emz. Suicidal thoughts are typical of depression. You are right life is worth it. Life always brings good things after the bad.
When you feel these compulsion to end everything...is it a thought? or a "force" forcing you to do it?...Talk to your doctor to him to prescribe a medicine, if you are already taking one, get your med checked to see if there is some other med that can work. Above all, pray to God to give you strengh when this sudden thoughts come into your mind. [e-mail]

Answer 5

If it's only come up twice in a year, you're in good shape. We all want to die when someone rejects us, but then we step back and take a long look at the situation and know good things are down the road.

Answer 6

Definitely talk to someone about that. Even if right now you don't want to die, it could progress into worse things. Suicidal thoughts are always dangerous. I go through things like this. You really should talk to someone: friend, family, or doctor.

Answer 7

Laney H my suggestion (i mean this in all respect) i was like you and also thought that depression was attention seeking until it happened to me. It is something that you cannot avoid it happens to allsorts from of all walks of life. Through no fault of their own.

Dear Emz my only suggestion is talking with someone. I do hope all goes well for you take care x

Answer 8

I've never been through this. But I can tell you one thing. I've had people pass in my life and that hurts! You may think that you have so many problems and that you can just end those by killing yourself. Well, think about your loved ones and family members and how much they would hurt. Their going to be wondering why didn't you talk to them about whatever was on your mind! Plus in the bible it says you go to hell if you take your own life.So think about others before you think about yourself this time and this time only.

Answer 9

I dont think there is such a thing as depression. My suggestion (and i mean this in all respect) your feeling sorry for yourself and are just looking for attention. Get over and think of how selfish you are being right now. Think of all the people all over the world who DON'T have your wonderful life. Your better than that.

Answer 10

i'm very sorry. I even have close friends whose mothers and dads have died too. first element to do is bypass into your room, sit down on your mattress, and plant your ft into the floor. close your eyes. placed roots down out of your ft into the earth...sink them decrease. relax and breathe. bypass into your soul, locate all the subject concerns, all the anger - and pull it out. clean your heart, flood out all evil. look at your sould and spotlight evil pink and stable silver. pull out all the pink. Then unfold a golden solar over your self, and teach your self happiness. locate happiness interior. i understand i sound like buddha, im no longer a buddhist. yet clean out your self. get grounded, and related, and purify your self. get your self unaddicted. you're feeling like this considering you're dissatisfied and the medicine and eating and tension is to a lot on your heart. floor your self as defined above generally. in case you do it extraordinary, do it till fairly happy without drug help, you would be happy. your heart is weighed down via unhappiness. clean all of it out.