Who can tell me the best clean joke?

Question

I need good CLEAN jokes!

Answer 1

Henry took a bath w/ bubbles....
bubbles is the girl next door OR

A blonde went into a store and ask the owner if she culd by the t.v and he says " No you cant".
She goes home and dyes her hair red and goes back if she could buy the t.v. the owner says, "no you cant"
she goes home and dies her hair brown goes back to the store and ask the onwer if she could buy the t.v. and the owner says "NO you cant"
The blonde ask the owner " Why wont you let me buy this T.V?"
the owner says " because its not a T.V its a microwave!"

Answer 2

A passenger in a cab leaned over to ask to ask question an tapped him on the shoulder.The driver screamed,lost control
of the cab,nearly hit a bus,drove up over the curb,and stopped just inches from a plate glass window.For a few moments ever thing was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said,
"I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me."
The frightened passenger apologized for tapping the driver on the shoulder and scaring him.NO no I'm sorry it's all my fault.Today is my first day driving a cab.I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.

Answer 3

An Ohio State pupil went to Baton Rouge to bypass to his cousin, an LSU pupil. They desperate to bypass procuring. They stopped in a keep and the LSU pupil informed the clerk, "i choose for some 'maters, 'taters, and urnions". They stroll out of the keep and start up down the line. The cousin from Ohio State scolded his cousin asserting that knowledgeable human beings did no longer communicate like that. They bypass a sprint farther and stepped into yet another keep. This time the cousin from Ohio State tells the clerk, "i choose for some tomatoes, potatoes, and onions". The clerk says, "you will possibly desire to be from Ohio State". He asks the clerk how he knew that. "replaced into it the way I properly suggested the products I asked for?" The clerk spoke back, "No, it relatively is a fixtures keep".

Answer 4

One night a nice family gathered at the table for dinner. The mother asked her son if he wanted to say grace. The boy agreed. So he said,'Dear Jesus, thank you for the food and goodbye grandma." Unfortunately the next day, the grandma dies.So the next day the boy decided to say grace again. This time he said,'Dear Jesus, thank you for the food and goodbye daddy. Well the wife realizes that it's getting late and her husband hasn't come home yet. So she calls his office worried. And her husband says that he was fearing that something bad was going to happen that day so he hid in his office all day. The wife scoffs at him and says," You think you had a bad day, well the mailman came by this morning and dropped dead right on the front porch!"

Answer 5

wanna hear a clean joke?
joe took a bath

wanna hear a cleaner joke?
joe took a bubble bath with lots of soap

Answer 6

A Classic...
Jewish man: You people have been taking things from us for thousands of years, like the Ten Commandments.

Christian man: Well, it's true that we took the Ten Commandments from you, but it's not as if we've ever really kept them!

Answer 7

The Riddle

On his trip to Great Britain, George Bush had a meeting with Queen Elizabeth. He asked her, "How does one manage to run a country so smoothly?"
"That`s easy," she replied, "You surround yourself with intelligent ministers and advisors."

"But how can I tell whether they are intelligent or not?" he inquired.
"You ask them a riddle," she replied, and with that she pressed a button and said, "Would you please send Tony Blair in."

When Blair arrived, the Queen said, "I have a riddle for you to answer for me. Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was this child ?"
Blair replied, "That`s easy. The child was me."
"Very good," said the Queen, "You may go, now."

So President Bush went back to Washington and called in his chief of staff, Karl Rove. He said to him,
"I have a riddle for you, and the answer is very important. Your parents had a child and it was not your > > sister and it was not your brother. Who was this child?"
Rove replied, "Yes, it is clearly very important that we determine the answer, as no child must be left behind. Can I deliberate on this for a while?"
"Yes," said Bush, "I'll give you four hours to come up with the answer."

So Rove went and called a meeting of the White House Staff, and asked them the riddle. But after much discussion and many suggestions, none of them had a satisfactory answer. So he was quite upset, not knowing what he would tell the President.
As Rove was walking back to the Oval Office, he saw former Secretary of State Colin Powell approaching him. So he said,
"Mr. Secretary, can you answer this riddle for me. Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was the child?"
"That's easy," said Powell, "The child was me."

"Oh thank you," said Rove, "You may just have saved me my job!" So Rove went in to the Oval Office and said to President Bush,
"I think I know the answer to your riddle.
The child was Colin Powell!"

"No, you idiot!" shouted Bush,


"The child was Tony Blair!"

Answer 8

A blonde lady was driving along the highway when a blonde police officer pulled her over for speeding. Officer: May i see your licence? Lady: what does it look like? Officer: its a rectangular thing with a photo of you on it. The lady looks through her bag and pulls out her compact mirror and hands it to the officer. The officer opens it up and says 'if you had told me you were a police officer I wouldn't have pulled you over.'

Answer 9

There was a Blond driving down the road with knitting needles, just working away as she drove. A State Trooper pulls along side and hollers over to her. PULL OVER!!! PULL OVER!!!
She holds her work up, and HOLLERS: NO, OFFICER, ITS A SCARVE!!!!!!!

Answer 10

heres one from a movie
note: words may not be exact but are similar...no editing

a guy in an ocean is drowning and a boat comes and asks "do you need any help?" the man says "no God will save me" the boat leaves and the man keeps drowning. Another boat comes and says "do you need any help?". the man says "no God will save me". the man then drowns and goes to heaven. when he sees God he asks him "why didn't you save me?" and God said "I sent you two boats you dummy."