Why am I so shy?

Question

If somebody tries to speak to me on a one to one basis I just want to die. I have no self worth and sometimes contemplate suicide. How can I get out of this rut and push myself to do more. I am on anti depressants, quite a high dose but I still feel the same.

My sister is so different to me, she is the life and soul, such a laugh, everyone loves to be around her.

Answer 1

Get a job, go to school, travel, volunteer. Do SOMETHING different. Thats the only way you can get out of this rut. You cant keep sitting around doing the same thing and expect a change. Try to motivate yourself somehow and get out there!

Answer 2

I fully understand what you are talking about and have been there for many years. Anti-depressants are not going to make you feel any different, you are still and will always be precious, wonderful 'you'. I know this because I am also on a high dose of anti-depressants and fighting anxiety (extreme shyness).

There is a misconception that once a person takes anti-depressants they will wake up feeling in-control, full of confidence and self-esteem, ready to face the world - NO, it doesn't work like that. It doesn't 'fix' the issues, it balances out the chemicals in your brain so YOU can fix your issues.

There is a good book called "feel the fear and do it anyway", it is one of the best self-help books around and has some positive, realistic steps you can follow to deal with your shyness.

First thing you need to know and believe is - this fear is "your" emotion, you own it, you can control it and you get to choose what to do with it. That is a huge thing but if you can start to understand 'that' and accept that you are in control of how you feel - you will start to feel a lot different.

Good Luck

Answer 3

Hi Welsh girl. Each human has a different personality. We are born with a certain personality and we can develop or not develop depending on what happened during our lifetime. Above all you have to love yourself the way you are. Do you imagine if everybody were the same?. Extreme shyness is caused by an imbalance in brain neurotrasmiters that causes you to feel uncomfortable around people. It is so good that you are taking anti depressants (they treat these imbalances). However you have to make an effort to meet people by doing different activities like exercise, yoga. People who are depressed usually contemplate suicide. But remember each one of us are on earth for a reason. Whe have a task to accomplish. Try to find with your psychiatrist what is your mission in life, it will bring sense to your life. I am shy too. All the advice I gave you I am trying to put it in practice. [e-mail]

Answer 4

Shyness means that you are thinking that the other person is judging you, and you believing that they are "more confident/better educated/more popular/ or whatever/than you".
Rubbish, I have found that most people put on some kind of front in front of other people, but underneath most people have the same insecurities that you have.
I am not a great conversationalist, but I do listen to what the other person is saying.
Sometimes I find I dont know what to say to someone. Ive stood there thinking of things to say.
With others I can talk for ages. You can get gel with some people and not others. Dont worry about it. If someone doesnt want to be friends with me, or talk to me,I dont really care.Move on.
I am very quiet sort of person, but I have friends who are outgoing and loud.I am there in the background, and I listen to their problems, (believe me they have them).
I bet that you would be a great friend if only you would let yourself open up the others.
Practise talking by making casual conversation to strangers, at a bus stop, in a shop, in a pub. Make eye contact and smile.
Remember, you are as good as anyone else. Others just seem more confident.
The only other suggestion I can say, is to ask your doctor if you can talk to a councellor, if you are so depressed, you need to talk to someone to whom you can say whatever you want in complete confidence without any emotional involvment.
It is hard to say everything you feel to family , because it may upset them, so you miss out saying your deepest feelings.
I really hope you feel better about yourself in the future.
Remember that most people are too busy thinking about themselves to be thinking about you.
This doesnt mean they dont care, they are just thinking about their own problems.
It is very difficult to change your thinking from a negative point of view to a positive, but only you can do this.
Take it in small steps, and if you have a setback one day, dont let it stop you from carrying on, you will gain confidence only with time and practice.
Nobody is ever totally alone, unless you lock yourself in solitary confinment.
There is someone for everyone, be it a friend or a partner.
The moral of this story is, its all a state of mind, which you can change.
Good luck.

Answer 5

You have to analyse WHY you feel this way. For example, write a statement about yourself...just a sentence.

Now you have to be scientific about this....write down what evidence there is for what you say. Then write down evidence against this statement.

Here is an example :

I'm so shy and I'm sure people won't like me.

Evidence for ....it is a fact I am shy.
Evidence against : how do I KNOW people won't/don't like me...do I have hard evidence...? Is there anything wrong in being shy?

Do this for other statements too. You need to start challenging your core beliefs about yourself.

Now, honestly write down your good qualities...you WILL find this hard to do...no one else has to see it, it's just for you. There are good qualities within you. These are your affirmations. In other words you must practise saying these things out loud to yourself as often as possible....they are true.

The thing is we always seem to focus on what is negative about ourselves....so it's no wonder we end up believing just that when it is all we hear from ourselves. Every time you think a negative thought you are training your brain into a way of thinking. Now you need to retrain your brain. Therefore, every time you think a negative thought about yourself, you must think of a positive one too....and also challenge that negative thought.

If you continue to practise this then over time you will find yourself becoming more positive and it is this positivity that builds inner confidence and will enable you to feel more comfortable talking to people on a one to one basis.

I cannot stress it enough that you must always correct a negative thought!

Best wishes

Answer 6

Make life interesting.
force yourself to initiate some talk with the checker at the market for a start. This will change you from being shy in no time.
Learn how to talk to people such as, make them feel important , make sure you show you are happy to see them.
A little effort like this will make you see that when you do participate in talking, people like it and find you worthwhile.
I had to do this and it worked in a short time ZZI looked foreward to talking to anyone because I became good at making people comfortable around me instead of me being uncomfortable around them.
Don't feel sorry for yourself, take some action to be the person you want to be.

Answer 7

i feel the same way, except i'm not on anti depressants. obviously, i don't know what to do because i am in the same situation. i guess you could join some clubs or something and meet people with the same interests as you, then you will have a lot to talk about to them. and see a doctor about the suicidal thoughts now!

Answer 8

i no exactly how you feel and its really hard, depending on how old you are confidence may come to you with age, if not you may need to try hard at your self esteem, once you've built that up you will already begin to feel more confident and more self worth.
i no its hard but try to believe in your self and find things that make you happy, speak to your sister, maybe she could help you and also introduce you to new people.
once you sort these issues out and feel happier in your self you will start to loose those suicidal thoughts and will begin to gain control of your life.
try speaking to a counsellor, maybe there is some underlining problem as to why you feel like this.
just take every day as it comes, good luck!

Answer 9

It is because you have a low opinion of yourself and you project that low opinion of yourself onto what you believe other people will think of you. You are basing what you THINK other people are thinking of you on what you think of yourself.
Why would you be inferior to another human being? There is a reason that you think you are less and you need to figure out what that reason is. Then you can get past it and you won't give a damn what (you think) other people think of you.
Good luck!
I would suggest counseling of course. But the real help can only come from yourself. If you learn to love yourself and accept yourself for who you are then you will change how you think other people see you.

Answer 10

You aren't alone here, lots of ppl feel like this. It will get better with time, don't do anything silly, it just causes heartache for your family and friends. Try talking to someone close and if they don't listen then try talking to your GP and maybe they can point you to a better source of help. Don't give up!! X