Shoud I leave my boyfriend with cancer?

Question

I and my boyfreind are in late 20's, i just recenlty found out that his cancer may return anytime, and the doctor said his chance of surviving 10 years is not high. For the last few month he has been in and out of hopsital half of the time, also he gets alot of pain here and there. We have been together for 2 years, i love him, but i am on a 'tight schedule', ie i am close to 30, i want kids and family soon because my biological clock is ticking, knowing his cancer may come back, my future kids my not have a dad, also my stable job maybe in doubt as well, i don't want to be a widow! I feel a huge delimma, emotionally i love him very much, he is the nicest guy i've been with, but something in my head kept telling me that my life will be full of sorror and worry if i stay, i've mentioned a few times about our future with him but he 'begged' me to stay, promising a great health, what should i do? i feel like time is running out

Answer 1

You are one COLD FISH! to even THINK that!

Yes....for HIS benefit, leave him....he's better off without you.

Answer 2

Sounds like he is a great guy from the way you speak of him. Don't take this rudely but I doubt he asked for his cancer. Would you want him to stay with you if YOU had the cancer and was told the same thing? Just keep that in mind and know that you will be rewarded in life for the good things that you do for others! More so, than if you were to leave him while he is in such a time of need. Just don't do anything that you would regret.

Answer 3

YOUR time is running out??? How about his time? I understand you wanting children but why have you waited this long and now that he has a disease tha is detrimental, you are asking if you should leave. When you love someone, truly love someone, that question would not even go through anyones' mind. It sounds to me that you are thinking only of yourself. You sound selfish, and that's not a good trait in anybody. He's a sick man and should not be having to beg you for anything. Since you are so concerned about your biological clock, then be truthful with him but make sure he has someone to he can turn too. If he has cancer, looses you, he could very well go deep into depression and do harm to himself - how would that make you feel?
When we go into a committed relationship, we aren't supposed to jump ship when there's trouble - you need to make up your mind who you care about most - him or yourself.

I have Parkinson's disease so even though I am a much older person this really hits home. I have only been married to my husband for 8 yrs. I did not have this disease when we married and the first 2 years were wonderful. Then I was diagnosed with Parkinson's, we gained custody of my son's child and my dad who had always been healthy became sick with a staph infection in his brain. We have had some problems but he has stuck with me through thick and thin. It would not set well with me if he decided he didn't want to be with me anymore because of my illness.
Think about somebody besides yourself - if you can.

Answer 4

I would say stay, but if you want marriage and children, then that is looking doubtful with him. Can he father children now? maybe you might want to speed things up with him and get married and have kids soon. No one knows how long any of us have. A lot of spouses are made widows young and just don't know it's coming. We may get hit by a bus tomorrow. Only you can decide what is right for you.

Answer 5

You will have some sorry/worry in your life whether you stay with him or not because you will still care about him and will want to follow-up on his condition.

However, do what is best for you. If you don't want to be with him because your schedule is more important, then move on. He'll have friends and family that love and support him and who knows...maybe he will beat the cancer or live longer than expected.

You're not doing him any favors by staying but wishing you were elsewhere...he'll get over you leaving if you go...if you stay and mess up your "schedule" and he dies, you'll just waste years of your life resenting him for it.

Answer 6

These feelings are not the kind of feelings that one usually has about the person they will spend the rest of their life with. It is not a bad thing. It sounds like you need things that he cannot provide. The complication is that he has cancer, and you would probably feel guilty about leaving. You need to do what is right for you. Yes, it is sad, and Yes, you love him. But he does not have what you need.

My husband has a similar health problem. He is 30, and his cardiologist has told him that he will not likely live to 40. We don't have kids, but eventually want them. He doesn't want to abandon me with little ones. He has offered to leave in order for me to find "the right father" for my future kids. The difference between our situations? I love him SO much, that it doesn't matter if or when we have kids, or if he "abandons" me with death.

I am not judging you...your'e feelings are more than valid, and you are incredibly brave for facing them. However, he is not "the one" for you. Again, this is not bad. You simply need to find the one who is made for you.

Answer 7

Point blank- You already left him. If you really loved the guy you would care less of your clock, tight schedule, or what ever happens tomorrow. I know you love him in some emotion which is good but it's not passion. For you and him, leave. You can stay friends because you love him as one.

Answer 8

Coming from somebody who has had cancer, I would never want a man to stay with me out of pity, but you say you profess to love this guy and then make all these reasons for leaving him a matter of choice.
If you truly love this guy you will not leave him...cancer takes enough away from a person without taking the ones they love too.

Answer 9

NOooo dont leave him just because he has cancer! you can always adopt children and even if he has only less than 10 years dont break up with him. Give him the best last few years hes ever had. If you break up with him he most likey wont find anyone else becuase of that so i say stick with him live on your life as if nothing was going ot happen and remeber ((there are miracles.))

Answer 10

You might be missing out an a great opportunity. There's so much you don't know now. Maybe you can have kids, and just that fact will bring enough light into his life that the cancer stops.

Answer 11

This is a choice only you can make. I am sure no one would blame you for not wanting to have a life full of the grief and torture of your boyfriend's illness and eventual death. You have to be strong and make the choices that are right for you. I suggest consulting your parents, a clergy member or a professional counselor. You need some support through this yourself I am sure!