my husband doesn't spend enough time with our children.?

Question

i have a two year old little boy and the other day he called my brother, dad because he sees more of him than he does my husband (his father) my husband works away most of the time or is back late at night, when he returns from work he is so tired he just eats and goes to sleep, he never wants to help me bath the kids and get them into bed and spend time with us i wouldnt mind as much but i also have a little girl 2 weeks old and i dont want it to be the same with her. i understand that he is working for us his family but i want him to interact more with his kids.. and ideas what to do??

Answer 1

Obviously it could be better, but it could be worse. Don't worry about the two year old: my daughter calls me by the childminders name, and vice versa. And she's three, and sees me quite enough. They just get confused. The more pressure you put on him, the more 'tired' he will be, probably. What about weekends? Or, what about him reading a bedtime story? On the other hand, I don't know...is there really any harm in having them to yourself? I'd prefer it...and it's true, they will be far closer to you. Besides, brothers are great role models and entertainers.

Answer 2

First question would be, why does he have to work so much? Is it required by the job, or by the bills? Is there any way you could cut back spending so he could cut back hours? Maybe you could get a part time job in the evenings, so that he can work less and watch the kids while you're at work. If your primary goal is that he interact more with the kids...that would solve it. Maybe consolidate bills, whatever, i don't know what your personal finances are like, but most people are spending far too much on the better house, better car, better clothes, rather than making do with what they need.

Second question is, how old is your brother that he's not working? Sounds like he's spending a lot of time at your place. The two year old would not think to call him daddy if the idea hadn't been presented to him at some time, unless it was by accident one day and people made a big deal about it.

Try to stay supportive of your husband. he really needs you right now...but talk to him about some options. Let him know that you appreciate all the work he's doing, and ask how you can help him.

Answer 3

I am in the same position as you. We also have a 2 year old and she doesn't get to spend much time with her dad. He spends a lot of time working. On the weekends, we make it a point for her to spend that time with daddy. He takes her on errands, to the park, etc.. or sometimes I leave the two of them at home while I get out for a while, which is a win win situation. When your husband is home on weekends or has time off from work, you should go shopping or run some errands, etc.. (which gives him daddy time at home) and also gives you a little time away from home.
He may not have a lot of time to devote to the family because of work, but try to remember that he's doing all this for your family. With all that time at work, you also need to understand that he may just be too tired to help in the evenings.

You should also try to schedule "date nights" for you and your husband. Try to schedule at least one night a week for romance (doesn't have to be sex)...just some adult alone time. Spend an hour or two together after the children are in bed.

Answer 4

It's really tough being the primary parent, lol. Both my husband and I work, but I work part-time and at night, so I'm working while my two-year old sleeps. But my husband works 5-6 days a week, and late days..so sometimes it seems like they never spend any time. My husband is sometimes so tired after working all week, he needs rest. And I respect that. Sometimes evenings and weekends don't seem like enough, but then I think about what kind of life we'd have if he wasn't such a hard worker and determined to contribute to the family. I know it's hard for you, but things will change, I'm sure.

Suggest taking a little family time some weekend. Or plan a vacation.
Good luck

Answer 5

Sorry to hear that. My dad worked all the time when me and my brother's were little but he stopped when we reached our teen years. It is a sad thing but there's not much you can do. Sometimes women just have to do stuff by themselves with the kids. The only thing I can say is you can put up with it our leave him not to sound mean but that's all I got for you. My mom went through it when I was little with my dad working all the time and she survived. Just be grateful that he's not out cheating on you and he's helping it's just he's bringing in the money and your taking care of the kids. I'm sure it'll change.

Answer 6

tell him that your brother got called Dad. That should be incentive enough that he needs to try and spend a bit of time with his children. Also you must talk to him and tell him you want him to spend more time with his children as he is missing out on that father/child bond.
I understand your husbands tiredness but even if he made a point of reading them bed time story or popping in their room for a cuddle would be a start.
What does he do on his days off? Organise family day out where he has to spend time with them.

Answer 7

Sometimes men do not know how to spend time with their very young children. It might help if you give him some suggestions of things that he could do with his little boy. A few ideas that are simple and don't take much time, but will mean the world to your son, are to read books together, rough and tumble play, color together, water the front yard together, take out the trash, get the mail, simple things like that. As your son gets older I think that your husband will spend more time with him, but as for now, sometimes men are just not sure what to do with little kids. I hope this helps. :)

Answer 8

Has he ever been involved in your son's life? Maybe your husband needs counseling. You should sit him down and talk to him about this. What happens when your son is older and rebels against his dad for not being there? Why have another kid if he doesn't pay the first one any attention? You should not have to do this by yourself. Its hard enough raising one child. So what if he is tired by the time he gets home, your son is only a child once.

Answer 9

I'm sorry to hear about your husband being like that. Later on he is going to regret not being able to spend so much time with his children and his kids are going to hate it also b/c usually the absent parent is the one the kids are trying to get their attention for. So wow... my husband works mids and sleeps throughout the day.. so I am the one who primary takes care of my son. I get up with him, feed him breakfast, play with him, feed him lunch, then he goes down for a nap and my husband wakes up. usually he has to get ready for work and he runs some errands that I need done but haven't been able to get too.. but on his days off he spends ever second with my son and my son loves it. So i mean does he ever get days off??? Does he interact with his kids then? I mean my husband tries to get up early so he won't miss so much with his son... and i'm pregnant with a baby girl right now. But my husband is deploying this fall and he is going to see her for about 3-4 months before he leaves, then gone for 6-9 months and he only saw his son for a month before he deployed also so i mean it just depends. Talk to your husband, try and plan an all weekend getaway with the kids and your husband and go do something fun. Or let your husband take your son out for the whole day and just relax and play with him. I don't know... but its going to suck for him later on if he doesn't atleast try to be a part of your guy's life.... goodluck

Answer 10

It sounds like your husband needs a new job. Have you talked to him about how you feel and what he is missing out on? Maybe he is oblivious to what he is letting slide by? Try and talk to him because if you drift apart who knows where you all will be. Not together that's for sure. There might be another reason, you wont know until you try to talk. Good luck hon. xxx