wat to do okay this is kinda long?

Question

well i just met my father like in december for the first time .He was away for along time and he got married and had three other kids and when i found that out i was really really hurt. okay so it was good for the first month and he called almost everyday and talked online everynight we went out once a week. When the second month came it was okay so he only told his wife about me but not his mother or other kids and that really really hurt me because he said he was getting around to it. So here is the third month hes not calling or being online anymore. And keeps canceling plans and saying its too cold to come out. Now i began asking questions and not getting full answers.Now i dont want to tell him how i feel im really mad and angry all the time
btw im almost 13

Should i tell him how i feel

Answer 1

Yes, you should tell him how you feel.
Start off with a little understanding, saying that you can understand his reluctance at not wanting to tell his parents, (your grandparents), after all even three months later, it is still kinda new to you having him for your dad.
Tell him that the first month that you were together was so great, and while you understand that it can't always be this way, you are still his daughter.

Chances are; the reason he is not talking or trying to make plans to go somewhere with you is because of his wife.
She is probably giving him a hard time about being with you. The truth of that is that she is jealous.

Tell him that he is the only father that you will ever have and that it's important to you.
Tell him that you understand that he has an obligation to his other children but not to forget that he has an obligation to you as well.
Tell him that the two of you have missed out on so much in your life and that to miss anymore time, or to not make some lasting memories in you life would be a shame.
Make a date with him. Make plans to go someplace together, it doesn't matter if he wants to bring his family along; after all you have other siblings that you need to get to know.
If he tries to cancel these plans with you, then understand; as much as he has hurt you, you should wait for him to make the next move.
If after some time he has made no effort to contact you or make plans to be with you, then I would talk to your mother and tell you how he has made you feel.
It's really hard for a mother to realize that the other parent of her child doesn't love that child as much as she does.
Your mother will make things right.
Don't worry about your fathers parents right now.
Wait until the day comes when you can't find him anywhere, then call them in an effort to locate him.

Answer 2

Your Father may be feeling pressure from his family about the situation. Being an adult doesn't always make people any less afraid to tell their parents about things that effect their lives and the lives of their parents and or siblings. You should tell your Father how you feel, but also be open to him and let him know that you can understand how it feels to be afraid to say how you feel or what you think to someone you love. It is hard to be almost 13, but this is the age when you learn to be a stronger person. If you say nothing to him, you will only be causing your anger to grow and he will continue to live without knowing that he is hurting you. The best advice I can give you is to talk to him. If he seems like it is no big deal, then you need to deal with your hurt and perhaps consider limiting your connections with him.

Answer 3

You could but would it really make anything better?
I mean he has been out of your life for 13 years. You don't really expect him to add you into an obviouslyfull agenda; if he has a wife and 3 other kids to take care of plus his Mom.
I mean if he didn't marry your Mom, that is very hard for any grown up to admit. It's been 13 years. You can talk about how you would like be in his life again but you can't force people to love, only to pay child support, ya know?

Answer 4

Hi,

of course you should tell him how you feel and how his behaviour is upsetting you. To keep the secret is as bad as his behaviour, isn't it?

Remember that many absent fathers are absent, not because of a lack of love for their children, but because of bitterness and anger against the ex-partner they had the children with.

Sometimes the mother, who may have custody, is scathing about the father in every conversation with the child, this does not give a very good impression to the child of the (possibly quite innocent) father.

In your case the father has made it clear he DOES want to re-establish contact with you, but he does face possible reaction from his new family. This may be the reason he has not spoken of you to them.

Remember, too, that you are as new to him as he is to you and a certain 'settling in' will be necessary on both sides. Possibly it is your (however veiled) anger that is putting him off.

But tell him how you feel. Now is the best time for you both to say what you want and need from this new relationship. Don't be afraid to speak your mind (but don't just 'blow your top')

It is a difficult time for you both, and I wish you luck-age 13 is, too, a difficult time to face up to new problems - too young too do adult things and too old for childlike pastimes. Things CAN work out well, I hope they do for you,

BobSpain

Answer 5

yes hun i think u should tell him how u feel. I think its horrible what he is doing to u. He should of told his mother and other kids about u. Next time u try make plans with him and he trys to back out ask him straight out what his deal is. I know its hard but if hes just going to act like that u r better off without him u went 13 yrs without him and u can go the rest of your life without him too. u could even bring that up to him. best of luck hun.

Answer 6

When i first read your question i thought you were talking about the father (as in you had a baby) then i saw how old you were and i was like whaoooo!!!!!!!

Then i realized what you were talking about...
You should DEFINATLY tell your father how you feel!
He needs to be there for you and needs to know that you are sad that he is disapearing again!

Answer 7

She would not understand what she needs. howdy basically go away her on my own. have confidence me in case you do something together with her its gonna come back and chew you in the butt. playstation . What kinda maximum suitable buddy is going out with an ex you nevertheless like? it relatively is way tousled. wish this permits. Acid.

Answer 8

Yes absolutely you should tell him how you feel. You should also damand an explanation as to why he has been blowing you off, you have a right to know.

Answer 9

Dear...you are too special, too valuable to be chasing after someone who is not willing to fully embrace you...I feel really bad for your half brothers and sisters too...they are being cheated from knowing their sister...I feel bad in telling you not to waste your time being angry...because it steals from you...and he has already stolen enough...but that is what I need to tell you...don't waste your life being angry...life is too short...Okay...this is my suggestion...grow up and be President...and then when he wants to know you...say excuse me..."Do I know you?...hmmmm...no I don't think I remember you...."...

Answer 10

go ahead listen to wat all d other ppl say. tell him wat u feel. be frank wth him coz he's ur dad. but d thing dat he did not tell his mother or his kids. dont worry about it. coz he just needs sum time to telll them. coz he may be a little tensed on how his kids would react(lik would they be hurt) n how his mom would react. so jus give him sum time to tell his mom n kids. n jus tell him wat u feel.(but dint start shouting at him da u r mad n all. jus be calm n jus tell ur feelings in a calm way otherwise u two may get into a nasty fight). good luck