My boyfriend and cat are not living well together its been 3.5 months, how do I get my cat to relax with him?

Question

My cat has mainly spent time with females and runs from my boyfriend. He is crying in the middle of the night and waking us up which isn't helping the getting along factor.

Answer 1

Well, Elf, I hate to say it, but maybe you should be trusting in your cat's instincts more than your own....

My sister was dating a guy that she worked with. One day they went on a picnic at the lakeshore, and found a four week old feral kitten fighting a seagull for a dead fish carcass that had washed up on shore.

My sister scooped up the kitten, who tried very valiantly to protect herself. Until she was plunked down on the picnic blanket, right in front of the platter of roasted chicken breast. She gave one yowl, and immediately tried to snag one of the breasts for herself. My sister tore pieces off of the bone and fed them to the kitten, barely able to keep up with her demands. Until the meat was completely gone, and the kitten was so full that it's legs wouldn't meet the ground around the mound of it's stomach.

She brought the kitten home, and we raised it to adulthood. That was the most intelligent cat we have ever owned. If you go back through my previous answers, you'll find the occasional story of her exploits.

When that cat was about two years old, my sister and her boyfriend got engaged, with a nice diamond ring and everything. Kitty (which was what my sister named the cat) started to act very strange every time the now fiance came to the house. She would try to keep my sister home, by sitting on her lap when it was time for them to leave and refusing to budge. Or laying down in front of the door, so that they couldn't open it without hurting her. We all thought it was very strange, but just passed it off as a new quirk.

One day, when my sister was scrubbing something with harsh chemicals, she took off her engagement ring in order to wear rubber gloves comfortably. When she was finished, her engagement ring was nowhere to be found.

All of us looked high and low for that ring, checking every possible place for it, but could not find it. When my sister had to tell the fiance that the ring was lost, he went ballistic on her. They ended up fighting so much over it that my sister broke the engagement off, saying that he just wasn't the person she thought he was.

A few weeks afterwards, we found out that the ex-fiance had taken up with another co-worker. Who just happened to be the brother of our next door neighbour. Same sex couples were not considered "acceptable" in those days (late 60s). The ex-fiance's mother was so devastated that she blamed my sister.

One day about a month after this, my sister and I were sitting in the livingroom talking about her ex-fiance and everything that had happened after they broke up. She was saying how she was thankful that she learned the truth BEFORE she married him. How devastated she would have been to have that happen after the wedding. As we were talking, Kitty, who had been sitting there listening to us, disappeared under the couch. We heard the scrabbling of claws at the wall and carpet, and wondered what the heck she was doing under there. Then she came slithering out from under there, all so proud of herself, with the engagement ring dangling out of her mouth. Which she gave quite willingly to my sister.

We just looked at each other stunned, my sister and I, for long minutes. And then we broke out laughing. And we both laughed until we cried. Obviously that cat had known that my sister shouldn't be with that man. And had taken matters into her own "paws" in order to break them up. Something my sister is still thankful for to this day.

So maybe you should be paying more attention to exactly what it is that your cat's behaviour is trying to impart to you? Maybe it is a message you need to hear!

Answer 2

Whatever you do, DO NOT GIVE UP YOUR CAT. You will SORELY regret this if you and your boyfriend ever break up, and to suggest that it's either 'him or the cat' is DISGUSTING. That is implying that it is okay to chose your boyfriend, when you are all your cat has. You took the cat on as a lifelong responsibility, and remember if you surrender him/her to a shelter, it will mostly be euthanized. That being said, it depends on how bad the allergies are. If they're absolutely awful and undoable, then you should maybe just not live together for the time being. If they are bearable but just really are a pain in the butt, then there are various types of medications he can take to dull the allergies. Also, giving your cat a bath every week really helps cut down on dander and allergens, I found that works a lot with my cat because my father is allergic (I have not lived at home for awhile, but I sometimes bring her with me when I visit). I would call a vet or a doctor/pharmacist and ask what the most popular solutions have been, and find out your options. Good luck!

Answer 3

Hmmm. Maybe the problem isn't with your cat. If your boyfriend didn't like your cat, do you think he would admit it? He might not if he thought it would hurt your relationship. The issue might not be what it appears. I think you should ask him about it. Then if there are any hidden thoughts, they can all be laid on the table and something can be worked out.

Here is an idea . Ask your boyfriend to help take care of your cat, feeding him and changing the litter box If he cares about your cat, he will. And, in my experience all kinds of animals appreciate those who feed them. This could hasten a bonding experience between them. At the very least, it will be an opportunity to see some true colors shining through.

Answer 4

First of all, start having your boyfriend feed him and give him water. The cat will see him as his provider and will trust him more. Tell your boyfriend to pet him while he is eating. Also, if your cat likes to play (like with a feather, or toy mouse, or something like that) have your boyfriend play with him. Also, why is he crying in the middle of the night? Did he used to sleep with you and now you don't let him? If so, see if your boyfriend will let him sleep in the room with you, because I think that would help. Also, I don't know if this will help, but when my boyfriend met my cat, he ignored him and then the cat loved him. Good luck!

Answer 5

Get your cat a girlfriend of his own so he doesn't feel left out! No, seriously, your cat just feels lonely which is why it crys at night. Here are a few tips that help my cat relax, she tends to be very nervous around strangers---make sure your boyfriend says her name, its reassuring for the cat to hear their name, also when he pets the cat or anything, have him kneel down to her level, so the cat doesn't feel so threatened, try to get the cat to come him like giving the cat treats. If none of this helps, there is some anxiety medicine you can buy at major pet stores like Petsmart that have herbal ingredients that relaxes a nervous cat. Just give your cat time to get used to a new situation.

Answer 6

If your boyfriend wants to get along ith the cat, encourage contact: start with giving favourite little treats (no cat says no to fish), petting, getting the cat to understand he is not a threat and is actually quite nice especially with that tuna fish. The hand contact is important.
If he can get kitty to relax around him, you have a good man and his patience, understanding and perserverence will be much welcome when it is not a cat but a baby that is waking you up at night.

Answer 7

Try getting all of you including the cat to do something together. Have your bf feed the cat as in, get your bf to poor the cat food infront of the cat. thats the quicker way.
If that doesnt work, ull probably just have to take the long cut and just wait till ur cat gets used to ur bf.

Answer 8

Well cats can be really sensitive, and they can also sense the vibes. Maybe your boyfriend has a "hostile" vibe toward the cat or maybe he simply doesn't like cats. Since you said that your cat spends time mostly with females, you should have it expose to more males and maybe give it a male cat companion.

Answer 9

Have your boyfriend feed the cat. The cat may have been abused by a male before you got him.

Answer 10

your cat feels threatened by your boyfriend..see if you can get him to eat cat food and poop in the litter box..this should confuse your cat into thinking its just another cat and nothing to worry about.. if your cat continues to cry you may have to return your boyfriend to the pound.