don't you think this is unfair? ( serious Question )?

Question

my family is being very rude to me. i think this is very unfair and i don't know what to do about it. they'd make fun of me and said " you act like such a diva and act your own age" and " why do you think that all there is to good people is looks?" and " your are so shallow". i was in tears and i don't even know why they started doing that.... all my mother said was that she was trying to get me to focus less on my looks and then i started to avoid their comments becuase they began to get mean and nasty. what do i do? i don't deserve this!!! i am not a little kid or anything. i am an older teen but this still bothered me.

ALSO- i really don't act that way. they blame me for everything, like being late, and focusing too much on myself, ( i do not do that) but they are late and make us late all the time- its my aunt and uncle. it is mean and now they are picking on me for not doing anything. i wish that all of the answerers would agree that being called shallow by your family doesn't teach you anything or help you.

Answer 1

I dont think what your family are doing to you makes much sense. Punting you the way you describe here doesnt serve any greater purpose, as they could only destroy your self worth, which parents should never do.

With that said: You dont give any information to prove them wrong.

Are you self involved? And more severely are you too self involved? Define for yourself, what you think is too self involved in others... do you fit that profile in any way?

Why would your mother say this to you? And why would your family suddenly all fall in and say the same?

Figure out the following: Do they really believe/think what they say, or what other motives could they have?

If they are for real, then talk to them about it. Discover what grounds they have for their feeling, and dont go into a fight if you dont agree with them. And this is very important: Dont try to convince them that you are not self indulged or whatever, that is excactly what any self indulged individual would do! So accept that this is in fact their opinion.
BUT what you SHOULD do is tell them that you dont like their way of letting you know this!
Bullying is never acceptable, and especially not from grownups towards teens and or children.

Answer 2

If your parents feel like there is a need to remind you that there is more to people than mere looks, they must be reacting to your current behaviour. It's not a matter of deserving, it's a matter of bringing you back down to earth. As far as being mean and nasty, you're right in feeling that isn't fair, even *older* teens need to be put in their place from time to time. There are tactful and respectful ways of discussing issues with teens, you should talk to your parents about that.

Answer 3

be self confident...tell them...if you want to try to teach me something, then don't do it by hurting me...you're my family...and you're supposed to help me not insult me

additional answer:

most of the time people don't realize what they're doing, so maybe your family sees something in you that you just don't notice
tell them to stop being so mean and that they're hurting you

since they only want to help you (but are apparently not using the right strategy) then work on that problem yourself...maybe by not commenting so much on other people's looks or something that bothers your family

Answer 4

i dont think its unfair....i think that they are your family and are trying to help you. They might have hurt you by saying that you are such a diva and stuff like that...but maybe you really hurt other people cause you really do judge them on their looks...i mean i dont really know you but i think your family is really just trying to help you. they love you

Answer 5

There is an wise saying that goes something like:

"If one person says it about you, there probably is something else behind it....but if lots of people say it about you, there's probably truth beind it...."