Sex offender situation, need perspectives please!?

Question

We just found out that the father of a family in our neighborhood is a registered sex offender. Unfortunately, he lives two doors from us & because we did not know he was an offender, our families have been BBQing, kids playing together. We are finding out six months after the family moved in. I check the sites, but only a few times a year. Fortunatley, my child had never been alone at their house, we've just always played outside together because the weather is nice here. Do I tell them I know or do I just stop speaking to them? I'm feeling sort of violated because of course they didn't volunteer the information to us & they seemed like such nice people & if I hadn't seen the report & photo, I wouldn't have believed it. How do I explain to my son who is 4, why he can't play with the kids anymore. My husband & I are really upset. By the way, the offense involved solicitation of a minor.

To clarify- I have already talked to the arresting department. He tried to entice a 14 year old to meet him for sex. It was really a detective he was having conversations with & sending dirty pictures to.

Answer 1

tough call.
the children are innocent victims here ,his and yours.
be adult and tell what you found out.discuss it,maybe the kids can play at your house when you or your husband or other responsible person is present.
they should understand your valid concerns.try not to hurt the kids by cutting off the friendship.
one wonders about the safety of his own kids though.
tough and sad situation,but better that you found out.

Answer 2

it should be a matter of public record exactly what he did.

If he is a registered sex offender and not classified as a repeat offender, I think you are overreacting.

the minor that you are referring to could be any person under the age of consent which is 18 where I live and the solicitation part is that the guy made an improper offer or advance to that person. (which could be anything from asking for a kiss to offering a kid a ride home and the kid took it to mean something else, whatever the circumstances are it was IMPROPER and doesn't mean he actually DID anything)

know what the guy actually was accused of before deciding he is a threat to your kid. On the same token, know that the charge that convicted him, solicitation, may have been a reduction of a more serious charge. In any case, you have some research and questions to ask before you jump the gun or make a decision you will regret.

If I were in your shoes, and I am, because I am a mother, I would tell the guy that I KNOW he has a record and I would like to give him a chance to tell is side of the story and go from there. Now he's on notice with you.

Regardless of the guys' explanations, I simply would not allow my child to be in that person's home without me ever
.
Alternately, the kid shouldn't be made to suffer for his father's bullcrap and he can keep his friends, just make it known that you aren't comfortable having your kid alone with the guy and the kids can play at your house or under YOUR supervision.

Let the kids play..take them to the park or something, they don't have to play at the home without your presence and you shouldn't. (and if I were you, I'd have concern for the guy's child and WANT to remain in that kid's life because you are probably the only one who knows that he has a record like that and will be tuned into the signs of abuse.)

Just my opinion.

=)

PS and YES ABSOLUTELY tell everyone in the neighborhood, but do it quietly. they have the right to make their own decision on whether or not to allow their child into the home of a sex offender. I'd wait til I got the whole story though and then do the fact checking. If the guy is honest and it was a minor infraction that is unlikely to be a threat, then share that info with your neighbors as well. If the guy is an all out perv who is just biding his time to offend again, even if he claims to be reformed or changed, do you really want to find out? in any case, NEVER leave your child alone with ANYONE YOU DON'T TRUST. EVER. not a doctor, not a priest, not a daycare worker, not a teacher, not your Mother or your Father.. Trust is earned!

Answer 3

well Id keep a very firm eye on my kids if I were you. IF possible I would try to move. Sometimes a predator just needs to latch on to a specific target they will become obsessed with. They might try to fight any urge, but like a druggie who lives around the temptation of drugs everywhere around them might fall back into the old ways, I wouldnt want someone like that around my kid just in case it happens.

Its a sad sad predicament, and granted I paint the worst case scenario here, but even a small chance of such a threat being so close to my child is way too much for me.

Now, as far as the familynot telling you. I dont know if they are required to tell you, but I know why thye wouldnt. No one would ever talk to them again.

I would make it publically known that there is a sex offender in the neighborhood. It sounds bad, but at least this will put all the parents that arent aware AWARE that the threat is near. Even though theres always a threat.
Be it posters, or just going door to door, I would want other parents to know whats next door.

As far as the son, maybe now is the best time to explain to him why you dont want him playing because the threat of what could happen.
Then try andprepare him how to respond to it if someone tries to take advantage of him.

Thats the best I can think up.

Im going to check the sex offenders list for my neighborhood right now.
See how your knowledge can help others.

Thanks for the post, and at same time sorry you had to post it.

After reading your additional details, I probablywouldnt want to move altogether, but I would still try to warn neighbors.

Answer 4

I wouldn't nessesarily stop the kid's from playing together. But be present when they do. And never leave your kid's alone where that man is present. I understand you may feel wierd being around this man now, and your children being around him too. But you don't know even if this man is really even guilty for such charges. And if he is, people "do" change. But only thru our Father in Heaven may this true change come about. We are a peverse generation, and we all are sick in our own way's. So in all, we should be continuilly cautious about who, why and where our children are here, there, or anywhere. You catch my drift? I'm sure you do. It's a true parent's instinct. (One does not have to be classified as a Sex-Offender to be sick in the mind.) You just never know.

Answer 5

There are many types of sex offenders, first I know this sounds bad but here goes, maybe he isn't a pedofile, maybe it was solicitation of a prostitute and he wasn't aware of the under age status. Trust me I am not trying to defend this guy, just have you look at the facts. A lot of men visit prostitutes it doesn't make them sex offenders.
But I would just honestly ask the guy why he didn't tell you. I would not leave my children alone with him at any time, but my concern here is that if this man is a pedofile and raising children, does law enforcement know that, is he breaking the conditions of his offender status. His children should not be punished by losing their friends because their father is a sex offender. I'd check it out closely and like I said I would just flat ask the guy. Tell him you are concerned, what you have learned and let him explain. Then I would check with law enforcment and find out what he did. Most cities and counties have them information.

Answer 6

I would be upfront with your neighbor. Tell him that you have found about his status and, unfortunately, will not see him socially anymore. I would also mention to him that he is not to come anywhere near your kids.

Because you have been friendly to him, and if your children are old enough, I would caution your kids that they are no longer suppose to be around Mr. Neighbor and if he approaches them, they are to immediately run home and tell you. Don't scare the bejesus out of them but they should know...especially because you have had a friendly relationship up to this point.

Another reason why they need to lock sex offenders up at the first offense and put them away for life.

Good luck

Answer 7

Depending on the state, what gets a person on the "registered sex offender" list can vary widely. For instance, he may have messed up and solicited a prostitute one time. There are other crimes he committed that may not involve children as victims as well.

Be careful, but if you want to know for sure, the charge and conviction should be public information.

Answer 8

don't allow kids to go inside house. don't tell your 4 year old i feel he could be too young plus he could end up telling that sex offender or his children why he cant go into the house. this is to one of your answers. you don't register as a sex offender for picking up prostitutes.its strictly for pedophiles and all degrees of rapes.

Answer 9

. Let the kids play together at your home or at least with you present. No need to punish the kids for the father's sins. Tell them what you know so it's all in the open. No need to stop talking to them is there?

Answer 10

i know how you feel. my next door neighbor is a registered sex offender, and of course didnt say a word to us about it. your best bet, is just to act like everything is normal between you guys. you dont want to get them angry at you, because who knows what would happen then. just keep a watchful eye on your kiddies, and dont let them go inside their house. make sure your lil brat knows that if anyone touches him inappropriately that he needs to tell you immediately. odds are, it was a one-time thing he did, and it wont ever happen again. if he has a family and stuff, he prolly feels really bad about what he did, and he knows its wrong, and wont do it again. people ARE capable of change, and if they are nice people, and stuff, then dont ignore them or treat them bad until you have a real reason to.