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My brother has ADHD and severe bi-polar disease. The medicine he used to take for his ADHD now interferes with his bi-polar and aggravates it. Im am tired of having to live with him because I have never had a second of a normal life (he is older than me so I was born with a not normal life). We can never be sure whether or not he is going to throw one of his fits when we do something so we hardly ever do anything. I really want to move out to get away from him because I am tired of living this way, but I don't want to hurt my parents feelings. It really bothers me knowing that I dont have a normal life. It also bugs me that because my brother is mentally ill he never gets into trouble hardly for things he does. But when I do the slightest little thing I get grounded. It feels like my mom is being a parent to me and not so much him. I dont like getting all the parenting. I really dislike my brother and dont want to have andything to do with him.Got any help for me??

2007-02-18 08:01:42 · 15 answers · asked by Maci H 1 in Family & Relationships Family

I will be 15 in a month and he will be 17 in a couple of weeks

2007-02-18 08:16:19 · update #1

15 answers

dont be hard on yourself. you have a right to feel deprived. its sad your parents are thinking about how this is effecting you. but i bet they are so exhausted adn frustrated too. so dont resent them, it will only make the family dynamics harder. but you have to enjoy life! you really do. don't think about your brother, but love him. right now he's very ill you can't even think of the good things about him. but try to not think about having this normal life. i have no idea what a normal life is. do NOT let his illness keep you from your dreams. that is a cop out! you have enough intelligence to know YOU are in charge of your destiny. so continue school, dating, hobbies, reading, whatever YOU WANT! his mental illness keeps him from living a full like. but it shouldn't keep you from that! take care and GOD BLESS! if you need to chat, just send an email! take care!

p.s. even though you're 15 you still have the right to follow your dreams and fulfill your goals! good luck!

2007-02-18 08:08:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

I know how you feel. My brother has ADHD and an eating disorder and we're eight years apart I'm 23 he's 15. I'm older than my brother and had a normal life for eight years before he was born and I still have one now. Talk with your parents about how you feel. But mind you your parents are frustrated with this too. Support them as much as you can. Maybe see if you can get involved with an after school activity that can be something else outside of home to focus on and it's positive. And you don't mean it when you say you hate your brother, you just don't like the way he is. Sweetie he did not ask to be born this way so it isn't his fault. Your parents feel they can't do anything to your brother because he's mentally ill so they're harder on you because of it. They still love you and want the best for you and your brother. So just hang in there in another three years it'll be time for you to go to college and do your own thing. Trust what I say. I'm working and living on my own now and I still pop in to help my mother take care of my brother.

2007-02-18 08:58:47 · answer #2 · answered by diamoniquejazz 3 · 0 0

Part of the reason your brother is getting less punishment is that it is harder for him to control what he does or says. It is very unfair for you to dislike your brother for his mental illness. If you want ways to cope with your brother try surching the internet and learning a little more about bi-polar disorder. You say you never get to do anything. you can go out with your friends that way you are away from your brother and out doing something. About not having a normal life, no one does "normal" does not exist you have a different life but so does everyone else. But againg do some resurch on bi-polar it really helped me.( my dad has it pretty bad like your brother)

2007-02-18 11:12:55 · answer #3 · answered by Becca 2 · 0 0

I think that what you're feeling is normal. I don't think you dislike your brother, I think you just dislike the situation. I would bet that your parents wish they could have had a "normal" life also. It's not your brother's fault, or your parents, that he has this problem. I understand your frustration, and I feel for you, but you must learn to deal with it the best way you can. Don't become rebellious. Work hard in school, respect your parents, and love your brother. Make the most of the times you have with your brother when he isn't in one of his stupers. You are a very special person, don't forget that. Your parents love you more than you could possibly know. I would suggest talking with your parents, let them know how you're feeling. Maybe your parents could take turns being with you one on one. Keep your chin up hun, it can't be fun for them either. Take care and I wish you and your family the best.

2007-02-18 08:12:36 · answer #4 · answered by ksgirl 3 · 1 0

A tough childhood for you! You didn't mention your age, but it sounds like his anger has really inhibited YOUR childhood! If he can function in a more or less normal life, you might be the age that you CAN choose to live with another family member, then that might be an option.. You have to assess--and get professional help to do that assessment--how damaging he is to you, emotionally and physically!! Rage and sexual control of women often go hand in hand. You may find that you've repressed a lot of anxiety and your own personality development! This can and no doubt will influence your choice of men in your life!! If you feel that it has effected your life negatively, insist that your family help you get some counseling! IF you feel that that could be an option for you. Your family owes you some consideration on this!! IF he's dangerous in his rages, simply call the police!!! If your parents don't protect you, take care of yourself! RE your hurting your parents' feelings...let them know how damaging your brother has been to you!! If your parents are the caring people I hope they are, they will NOT use the "guilt card" to get you in line! Good Luck!

2007-02-18 08:23:47 · answer #5 · answered by Martell 7 · 0 1

I have the same issue. I have a brother who is older than me and suffers from ADHD and bi-polar disease he can be a real jerk and my parents blame me for all the things he has done and I did nothing but IM friends on the computer. I know this can be difficult to live with. You gotta understand though It is hard for them to react to things normally but let him no he is being an annoyance to you. Let him no how you feel. Express yourself to him. Talk to your parents about it. I am being interrupted by my brother as we speak and is telling me to get off the computer. It makes me so mad sometimes. -.- good luck

2007-02-18 08:10:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

If you're legally an adult, you should move out. Not having to live with the difficulties of his disabilities every day will help you to relax and perhaps, in time, have empathy for him and your parents.

If you're still underage, you will just have to stick it out until you are old enough to move out on your own. Perhaps join some clubs or sports at school to give you more time outside of the house. Do you studying and homework at the library. Anything that you can do out of the house that is a responsible activity that shouldn't upset your parents, take the chance to do it.

And remember. You think being the sibling is hard, but it's much harder to be the parent of a severely disabled child. Try to have empathy for your parents and cut them some slack.

2007-02-18 08:07:04 · answer #7 · answered by Raising6Ducklings! 6 · 1 1

You don't mention either your age or your brother's but if you're feeling this way, it may be time to move out. Your parents will have to make another adjustment and possibly see to it that he gets further treatment than he's getting now.
You shouldn't feel guilty and you should be free to have a life of your own. If your parents can't understand this, then it's really time for a break and a change of environment for you. While your parents are still alive and heads of the household your brother lives in, they are responsible for his well-being, not you.
It's not completely fair is it? But then, life isn't always fair.
GOOD LUCK TO YOU.

2007-02-18 08:11:00 · answer #8 · answered by Moe J 3 · 0 2

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2016-10-15 23:07:01 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0 0

Don't feel angry towords your brother because he does have a problem.
becaus he has theis condition , it's not your folt or anyone elses.
i would also say you should speak to your perants, they probebly don't understand what they are doing, as they are trying to look after your brother.
next time he has an episode, try giving him somethings to do like:
painting by nombers or jigzzos. if he is older try giving him someting that would need all of his attention.
in the long run this is 1 of your family, by the sounds of it he really needs your help.
Please don't abandon him, he loves you and you love him.
Hope this helps
Paul

2007-02-18 08:15:10 · answer #10 · answered by wizard_man130 2 · 1 0

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