Am I a Bad MOTHER?

Question

I am a 20 year old mother of two.
My eldest daughter, Jennifer, well I don't like her. I love her, and I take pride in her when she accomplishes something new. The problem is is that she is 19mnths old and I can already tell she is going to be a popular, showy kind of girl (I don't like people like this). I try to discipline her accordingly. I don't want to get in the way of who she is to become. I want her to be who she wants to be but I don't know how to guide her (to be better) when I don't understand her. But it feels like she just hates me more day by day. Would it be better to let more things slide because I don't know why she does them? (I can't tell whether she is being bad on purpose or if she thinks she is helping by spilling a bucket of water on the floor when I am cleaning) And sometimes she yells at me (pointing and shaking her fist, shes just a baby!!!) Someone please help?!?

Please some of you... I do not hit my kids, she gets a time out, and I WANT HER TO BE HERSELF!!! I may be jealous but I refuse to let that get in the way. If I make a mistake I tell her why even if it means saying I am wrong... yes she understands that!!

Answer 1

Darlin' I am Gonna Just Have To Tell You the Truth: Any mother that has more than one child, has a favorite one that is better behaved and minds better. You just need some time to yourself and you're not gettting enough time whatever it is!! Toddler's mothers CANNOT GET TOO MUCH TIME for Yourself!! You are the mother and that child WEARS YOU OUT!! Try to be fair and get away from the kids as much as you can. You need a break. Don't feel guilty because I can tell you that any mother that doesn't even spank her kids is a GREAT MOTHER!!

She will get older and then she can explain why she does what she does, like the water bucket mess. Just hang on like you were getting PAID to do it (which you are Certainly NOT!!) and This Too Shall Pass!!

She is at the worst age imaginable! I trust you completely to handle the situations that arise! You calm down when she does things like that and never tell ANYONE that you even HAVE a favorite!!! Kids find Enough to blame their mothers for without you Admitting that!! (If mothers wanted ALL the Blame they would go see a Psychologist and GET IT DONE RIGHT!! AMEN?? AMEN!!) You discipline her like you know is right and pray for the day she gets older and more manageable!! She is just more trouble and you can't change her inherent personality!! I do NOT care what anyone else tells you. You will Always appreciate the child who is the least trouble!! Mothers are Humans TOO!!!!! @8-) Bless You Hon!! You Are Doing The Hardest Job There IS!!

Answer 2

Children test limits at home because it is safe, so continue to disipline her accordingly. You want her to understand certain behaviors are unacceptable. If you can't tell she is being bad on purpose, you'll need to acknowledge the event but in a different way. For example, ask her how she was holding the bucket when it spilled. As for the showy part, that might be a stage but if not, then as you go about your day, mention the actions that someone did which are good. The showy stuff could be coming from the media and magazine. So offset it with explaining the goodness of people. This might temper it a bit. Also, if the weather has been bad, and you all are shut in, this can drive everyone insane.

Answer 3

My youngest daughter is the same way in that she always seems like she is trying to push my buttons. She dumps stuff, she yells and hits. I finally had enough by the time she was two. I tried every thing nothing worked. So finally i tried getting right down to her level in her face making her look me in the eyes, then I start explaining why we don't do those things. This has made a absolute big change in the way she respects me she actually understands me. Encourage her to be kind at first please thank you all the time when she hands you stuff remind her by saying please or thank you. Then get her to play with other kids and reinforce her being kind and playing with every body not just picking the kids out that she likes. When she does good always make a big deal and tell her she is a good girl as much as possible it wears off on them and they like being good girls. Hope fully some of these ideas help. They helped me!

Answer 4

Okay, spilling the water- that's an attention thing. ALL 19 month olds want attention, you just have to stop giving her the negative attention that she seems to be getting, and reward the behaviour that you want to see. Positive attention is far better for you , but as far as the toddler's concerned, they don't care how the attention comes.
Instead of letting this happen, give her a little toy mop, and have her 'help' you to clean up.

Shaking her fist...hmmm, that's a learned behaviour- who has taught her this?

It seems that you need to shift the attention from punishing to rewarding. Ignore bad behaviour- tell her 'NO' and leave it at that- don't go into a whole spiel of yelling and saying what you don't think she should have done...
When you see her doing something you want her to do more of, wow, you gotta pile on the praise like there's no tomorrow!

Also, you CANNOT tell what your daughter is going to be like from her behaviour now, for she has no inhibitions at the moment...but when she turns three, or is about to, she'll become more self aware and possibly shy- hence the title 'timid threes' which follows the terrible twos... please don't decide that just because your daughter is acting in a particular way now she is going to be like it the rest of her life!

My advice, RELAX.
You seem very stressed out. You should enjoy your babies for the miracles that they are, and don't fret about what they may become. Spend some nice creative time with your daughter, and strengthen those bonds of love.

Email me if you are having a bad day and would like some one to listen and help you out...I know that I don't know you, but there are days when I would dearly love for someone to listen to my insane thoughts about is going on!

Answer 5

she is probably doing it for attention, so if you ignore her (very hard I know!) and dont react when she shouts it may help. I think every mother dislikes her child at some point however much we love them. I have 4 boys and have disliked all of them at various stages but it does get better, I have a popular showy boy and like you I didnt like it. He is 8 now and goes to stage school so lets his showyness (if that makes sense) off there and is better at home so you could try a dance class of stage school. She may also be doing it as she resents not being the youngest anymore (again I have been there) so try and involve her more in the baby, like helping bath etc. Overall just remember you are not alone and it will get better (eventually!!!)

Answer 6

take a breath and cool of. You are young and you have 2 children and your oldest is only (let me get this right) 19 months old! She is a baby still. And please don't take any of this wrong, I also am still younger i am 27 with 3 girls 6, 2, and 10 months, and pregnant again. When I say you are still young you are for having the patience of dealing with the different stages of children. My six year old is the almost the same way little miss popularity, cheerleader........ You do need to just take a breath. Also I agree with the one other post were they say to talk to her doctor, but most cases it is a phase. Also try to set some boundaries to teach her it is not allowed for her to make violent gestures to you. And this is not changing who she will be, it is going to help her and YOU have a better, more loving life together. You might also want to go and talk to someone, for your sake and hers and your other child's. You other child is seeing this and it will affect them, and change who they are to be, because it will teach them at a yearly age it is ok to act like this to mommy, and everyone else. good luck


Breath mommy!

Answer 7

I can only tell you that things are going to get worse and the last thing that you want to do is let things slide, but you also need to remember that kids are curios and even though it makes us have to do double work and upsets us its normal. I am a mother of 3 at 22 and know exactly what you are going through and what lies in your future. You shoukdn'y feel that you don't like your child and she or he wil be what they are meant to be but we can teach them and give them guidance. Your daughter may already have an attitude or whatever because of what she sees. Childrens minds are like a sponge and they soak in everything that they see. If your feelings form into hate or anger you may want to be checked for post pardom depression which can come after child birth at any time. it doe sbecome serios if you don't treat it. But I have all boys and they give me attitude sometimes, get into everything and always spill and knock over things. Its life. Learn to laugh with it while cleaning it up or throwing it away. They want atttention and will no things to get it even if its negative attention that they get.my son says that too hes just a baby. thats funny.

Answer 8

Maybe she is feeling a little bit left out with the birth of the new baby - try and encourage her rather than shout and ball at her. Explain to her when she has upset you - I know shes only 19 mnth but believe me they are rather clever at that age. If she is getting negative vibes from you that will make her want to wind you up even more. When she is yelling etc., at you she is copying you. I believe most behavior is learned. Try and take a step back and count to 10 - a couple of deep breaths and then start again. Good luck. from a mam of a 20mnth old, 3yr old and 8 yr old.

Answer 9

It sounds like you have insecurity that makes you not like outgoing people. There's nothing wrong with being outgoing. If you try to change the way nature made her you'll both be miserable for a long time.

As far as spilling water on the floor, you need to check yourself before you go off on her. Either it was an accident or she thought she was being helpful, she doesn't deserve your anger. Just hand her a towel and have her help clean it up. You can have fun with her even when she's not being "perfect." She needs to feel secure that she can goof up and still have your love.

Answer 10

She's just a baby.How can you say she's going to be a showy type of girl and you know they learn from who they are around...Maybe she will be popular, but what's wrong with that if she conducts herself in a nice way. You remind me of my mother. She always tried to keep me down and didn't want me to be noticed at all. Are you jealous? Please dont think I'm being mean but if you act this way then she will rebel and you relationship will be hell. How did she learn to yell at you and shake her fist. She had to learn it from somewhere. You need to be patient with her if shes bad. Don't yell, Put her in time out and calmly explain to her why she's being punished. If you become aggressive with a child then they will be aggressive back. You have to be patient and be consistent. I'm sure at 20 years old it's hard having two kids. I'm 37 and it's hard sometimes having one. Don't give up your children will always be there for you and love you. Don't make their lives miserable. Good luck!