My best friend and who I wanted to be my maid of honor says she can't be in my wedding cuz she has summer classes. At first she asked me to change the date for her, but my fiances' brother is in the military and the date we are getting married works for him and everyone else. The classes are only 5 wks long. And she says she can't get out of it. What do I do? Do I get upset ? Is it selfish that I think that she could make more of an effort? Or even take the classes in early fall? She lives in Cali. And I live in Mi. We have been friends for 15 yrs!
2007-02-18 06:19:14 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
No, you do not get upset here, she loves you and I'm sure she'd do anything she could to be there, but if she's a college student, she doesn't want to mess up her college schedule for your wedding. With the classes only being 5 weeks long, that means that an entire semester's worth of work (usually 14-16 weeks) is being crammed into that time frame, so they're working 3 times as fast. She's right, she cannot afford to miss a single day, because that would be missing entirely too much. This may be a class that she can only take during the summer, or it might be a pre-requisite for a class she needs to take this fall. She may also not be able to afford the expense of travelling to MI from CA, buy a dress, etc., and is using the class as a good cover. Tell her you're sorry she'll miss it, and drop it. I'm sure she already feels pretty badly about it, your getting all upset and huffy will only make things worse, and could quite possibly ruin your friendship, and I know you don't want to do that.
It is more than a little selfish of you to expect her to drop everything in her life because you're getting married, sweetie. While your wedding is first in your mind these days, the rest of the world is living their lives, going to school, work, etc, and will go days without even thinking about your wedding.
2007-02-18 08:04:39 · answer #1 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Honestly, I don't blame her. I'm sure she feels awful, but the truth is she is trying to graduate. When I was in school, some classes I HAD to have to graduate or to take classes I had to have to graduate were only offered in the summer. I took summer classes basically every summer to stay caught up & to be able to take courses in the upcoming fall or spring semester. She also can't miss days because in a summer class you fit about 15 weeks of material, home work, and test in a 5 week period.
Don't get upset. Be understanding. I know it hurts & it bothers you but she does have a justified reason. My best friend of years & years isn't coming to my wedding, which is 15 minutes from her house, because her husband can't come & she doesn't want to sit without a date, even though other friends will be there. Trust me, I know how it feels & it broke my heart when she told me that. But at least your friend has a real reason behind not being able to attend.
2007-02-18 14:51:51 · answer #2 · answered by layla983 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
C'mon bridezilla. Your friend can't make it. Get over it!
Your day is that important to you - but really - not anyone else.
Her future is more important to her and it isn't her problem that your date conflicts with what she needs to be successful!
Do the real friend thing - tell her your are disappointed but you understand and send her a video of the wedding. And don't be petty like Jenn and hang on the the fact that the "friend chose not to be there." If you are mature enough to get married then you are mature enough to not be petty and have a little empathy. People make tough choices all the time, and sometimes they really don't have one.
And if you care that much put your money where your mouth is and pay to fly her out Friday night and return her Sunday! My brother and sister-in-law paid for a friend to fly from the CECH REPUBLIC!! so she could be there (she didn't have the money), even though she couldn't get there until the night before the wedding (because of work) and the bride didn't get to see her other than that because they left for the honeymoon. Now that is a friend!
2007-02-18 14:46:46 · answer #3 · answered by apbanpos 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
since she's so far away it might not work for her to be your maid of honor, but she can defitniely be a bridesmaid!
i have a sneaking suspicion that money might be the real issue, so offer to pay for her dress and get her a plane ticket...she can leave right after classes the day before the wedding and return on the first flight back after the wedding. it might be expensive, and she'll probably be really tired, but i think it would be worth it. if she really is your best friend, she'll stop making excuses and will make it happen.
plus, summer class sessions are usually a lot more relaxed that those during the year, even if they are extremloy fast paced...she should find a friend who takes good notes, and that way missing a class wont be that much of a problem.
good luck, and i hope you can make it work!
2007-02-19 13:11:35 · answer #4 · answered by jennyvee 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is just one of many disappointments that life will throw at you.
It is VERY upsetting when we plan something important to us & then have them foiled by circumstances. I'm sure your friend is bummed as you are about her not being able to attend.
Do you r-e-a-l-l-y expect her to put her degree on hold for you? And the added expense of travelling? What would you do if the circumstances were reversed? I think you should cut her a little slack.
Maybe she's being selfish, maybe you are; I don't know either one of you. But dispite the disppointment, I should think you have more important things to worry about for your wedding day.
2007-02-18 15:22:16 · answer #5 · answered by weddrev 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can understand how you'd be upset that your best friend cant come. But im sure your best friend is just saddened and bummed that she cant make it. These classes must be pretty important to her. If i were you, i'd tell her if she can make it, that'd be great, but if she cant, you'll miss her and hope to see her soon. Then send her a copy of the wedding along with a few little wedding favors so she knows you thought about her.
Have a great wedding!
2007-02-18 14:28:15 · answer #6 · answered by independent101 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have been there. I have been Best friends with her for 14 years and i live in MN , she still in CA.
She is more financially secure than i am , and i made it out there for her wedding the previous year however she "couldn't" make it cause of classes and $ . I got really upset . She wanted me to change the date , I didn't and I don't regret that choice.
We are still friends, however I will never forget the decision she made to not be there for me . It still saddens me to this day , however dont let it ruin your friendship. Ask another friend maybe a sister or relative. I ended up asking my sister .
Congrats on your upcoming wedding and dont let anything ruin your big day
2007-02-18 14:40:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
my cousin was in montana and i minnesota. due to circumstances i couldn't be in her wedding. it truly was a good friendship for us to work through the disappointment on both sides.
today we are closer than ever.... and although sitautoin can't make for everything to be great... make the most of it.
know i made a point to find a time in the day before or day of wedding to connect to the bride to be. if the friendship is important to you. not being able to be there for one day isn't going to change it.
2007-02-18 15:37:34 · answer #8 · answered by VK 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My wedding is in May and I have had to replace a bridesmaid because she couldn't get the time off from work. The wedding is in CT and she lives in HI. You just have to be understanding and find a replacement for her as soon as you can.
2007-02-18 14:46:31 · answer #9 · answered by kristy w 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
All I can say is that if I was her, I would take the classes in the fall (unless she's already paid for them, which is unlikely). Your wedding is a very big thing and a 15-year friendship should override classes that you can take another time.
I wouldn't get upset though. She might just not be able to afford the cross-country plane trip, the dress, and all the other expenses it would take for her to get there. If that's the problem though, she should have told you. That's a more valid and understandable excuse than classes she's taking.
2007-02-18 14:30:52 · answer #10 · answered by LolaCorolla 7 · 0⤊ 5⤋