how do i get my son to listen? taking things way is not enough. please help me.?

Question

we took all his toys away, any thing that has to do with a screen (t.v, video games, computer) he pretty much only has books to look at.

Answer 1

read this book. it helped me sooooo much with my adhd son and my other 2 children. and no its not some boring book written by some stupid doctor who doesnt even have children so how would they anyway. this guy has 3 or 4 of his own and its funny. its not very think either and it goes by fast and i hate reading. its for age 3-13 and cover tons of situations. it really works, now all i have to say 'aaron thats one' and he stops. it wonderful :D

Its called "123 magic by dr. thomas phelam." he saved my sanity!!

Answer 2

You don't say how old your son is so this is a general response. First of all, think things through before you say no. I know you are the parent and what you say goes, but sometimes we don't think a situation all the way through and we automatically say no, when a yes wouldn't have hurt any.
Second, make sure the rules are clearly defined with your child. Mine used to ask me to do things with others or have company over in front of the other child. I set a rule that if he asked permission in front of other person the answer was automatically no. This really worked.
Third, be consistent. Don't be wishy washy and change your mind due to repeated begging and whining. This is like Skinner's theory on random reward. The pidegon tapped the lever as many times as was necessary to get the kernel of food. Once I listened to a friend's child ask for an ice pop a total of 20 times, where upon the mother screamed, "HAVE IT!" The child was satisfied. She didn't care about the scream at all. *I counted because it was the third request and the mother had acquiesced both times before!* So this leads back to #1.
Fourth, don't have so many rules. Manage a couple of behaviors at a time. Do what is necessary to keep the child safe, but don't overwhelm him with rules.
Fifth, let the punishment fit the crime. Don't be so terribly extreme about everything. Sometimes a talk is all that is necessary.
Sixth, reward works better than punishment. Set goals and rewards. This is not bribery. You work for compensation, not doubt often following rules and procedures you think are stupid, so will your child.
Seventh, and final, if your child has a problem following rules and with academic acheivement don't punish him for that. Make an appointment with the school counselor. (I teach.) People are always so worried that their children will be "labled." Honestly, whether or not your child is diagnosed with a problem doesn't matter. If he is a "problem child" and nobody says so, that won't make the problems go away! If you need help ask for it. Exceptional child education children get more assistance and understanding. Teachers don't have a goal to reward "good" kids and dislike "bad" ones. We just need to get through the day with all our students and teach the curriculum. That is really the focus, so if your child needs interventions, please help him get them. Everyone will benefit from that.
Hope these helped.
I raised a son, alone. He's 22. He lost his mind as a teen, of course; they all do, but now he is back on the right track. We always enjoyed a wonderful relationship and I was patient and supportive during his teen years. I did not spank him growing up. He was no worse behaved than children who were spanked and in a lot of ways behaved a lot better.
I tried the above. Most of it was instinct. I also read a few good books along the way.
Good luck.

Answer 3

Ok first of all I've been there and I think that you (like I did) have overdone your punishment. There was a point in time my child had basically no quality of life because everything had been taken away. Therefore he got the attitude of why worry with being good because what else can I lose. I wish there was a clear cut answer to your question because I would definitely do it too. All children are diffent...that is why they have so many books on raising kids. Obviously taking things away is not working. I like the idea of giving them options of what they can do ... for instance say "we are going to clean the den today, you can dust or clean the windows...so which will it be." If he insists that he is going to do neither then make him sit and look at you with no t.v. or no other distractions until he decides he is ready to do it. You may even pick up a book and read while he does this. He will get bored enough that he'll come around.

Answer 4

I agree with the poster above... that choices are good. You can do this, or you can do that. Which one will it be?? I would NOT, though, tolerate him choosing not to do anything. THAT would not be an option.

Here's how you get there from where you are. First, tell him you're not enjoying the current situation any more than he is, and you're seeing that it's not accomplishing anything. Then, tell him you love him, tell him he's part of your family, and that as part of the family, he will be responsible for helping to keep household tasks done. Every day/week. Give him options to choose from... washing the car... mowing the lawn... chopping wood.... doing the dishes... laundry. Everybody in the house gets to pick, by lottery, which tasks they're going to be responsible for the next three months. Three months later you switch.

In my house, we fixed the dishes situation by alternating months... whoever had to do dishes for that month got to sit in the front seat of the car... the one who sat in back got it easy and just had to set the table.

Answer 5

Well first off don't start by hitting the kid because then they will get mad and think you dont deserve them listening to you. But ask the child calmly and with out yelling. Don't forget to say please. A lot of the time when you are nice to them they will be nice to you. If that doesn't work then start becoming more firm and come up with punishment the you WILL STICK TO. hope things go well, good luck!

Answer 6

Hi I used to be a nanny to 2 8 year old boys who were annoying "male".

I too had the issue of them NEVER listening to me!! argh. This was my solution as well, because his mother showed it to me.

However, here's what I came up with as I was home with them more than she was while they were awake & wired:

When I decided to say something, I stopped talking about how it made me feel--basically if they didn't clean up after themselves in the kitchen (& It made me feel like their maid) I would go to them and ask them to come back into the kitchen.

They had 2 choices, boy 1 could put the stuff into the garbage or he could sweep the floor, boy 2 could wipe the counters or he could (chose the opposite of whatever boy 1 chose).

This worked, plus it helped if I showed them 1x how to do it. And stood there until the work was completed. It hardly ever went by without some complaints & bad words but I had to take (my feelings) out of it--and then it worked.

Answer 7

When he does listen, try to give him a lot of positive attention. Many times kids will continue with poor behavior because they like the attention they get from doing it, even if it's negative attention (like having his games taken away) What does he do when you are trying to talk to him? You could try doing the same to him when he wants you to listen, then talk about how it felt to him. Another option is to create a reward system, where he can earn points toward spending time doing whatever with you or your spouse. I would use this as the last option.

Answer 8

DEAR
SPANK HIM TAKE HIM TO YOUR ROOM IF OTHER CHILDREN IN YOUR HOME IS AROUND SHUT THE DOOR PUT HIM OVER YOUR LAP ON THE BED AND SPANK HIS LITTLE BOTTOM ABOUT 2-3 HIS LITTLE BRAIN WILL GET THE MASSAGE THIS HURTS THIS IS NOT FUN AND TELL HIM AFTER YOU DO IT WHEN YOU QUIT CRYING AND ACT RIGHT AND TELL MOMMY AND DADDY AND THE FAMILY YOU ARE REALLY SORRY IT WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN THEN YOU CAN COME OUT AND JOIN USE IF YOU ACT UP AGAIN I WILL REPEAT IT IF YOU GET SMART WITH ME ACT UP AT SCHOOL ETC NO MORE PROBLEMS OK TAKE CARE

Answer 9

when you take his toys away do you explan to him why you are taking them a way. you have to teach a child right from wrong if you don,t they well run over you . now screaming at him won,t help .not saying you do but just leting you know.put him down for a nap for time out when he don,t mind .or put him on the couch and talk to him make time for him read to him a lot of times kids well act out so you notice them . look you have to under stand they don,t know right from wrong you are the adult so there for you have to figure out the best way to teach your child right from wrong . un till you can under stand the best thing for your child. he well not mind you but all so show him love and under standing (don,t scream at him with a soft stong voice let him know he needs to mind you .ONCE AGAIN YOU HAS A DULT HAS TO SHOW HIM RIGHT FROM WRONG ,HIS JUST A CHILD

Answer 10

give him an empty room and a sleeping bag as soon as he gets home from school give him dinner then make him do his home wor kand mske him go to bed
if that dont work spank the hell out of him