Asking for Money as a Wedding Gift?

Question

Why do people think that it is rude, tacky or even wrong to ask for money instead of a bought gift as a wedding present?

Gifts are a big part of the Wedding day. Guests love to spoil a newly married couple, and they especially love to give them something they actually want.

In some cultures money is all that is given, and in other cultures, money is actually pinned to the Bride and Groom's clothing!

I've even heard people say that adding a gift list to an invitation is wrong, when actually it is the correct ettiquette to do so.

Where have these views come from?

I'm sorry, but do people think that if you ask for money you are infact demanding it?

Why is that different from asking for a gift instead?

Couples don't demand gifts, they just give you ideas of what they need if you would like to buy for them. It's not a requirement, just a suggestion.

Answer 1

It´s o.k. Hopefully youré inviting Adults. They should understand.

Answer 2

These views come from ETIQUETTE. You know, "the forms, manners, etc conventionally accepted or required in society."

Proper etiquette dictates that gifts of any kind are not to be mentioned anywhere in or on an invitation. Period. Weddings are about two people beginning their lives together, not about how much stuff the couple can squeeze out of their guests. What a couple wants as gifts should be spread by word of mouth, not in the invitation.

While gifts are customary at weddings, birthdays, and other events, they are never obligatory. Gifts are given because the person WANTS to give them, not because they HAVE to give them. If they have to give a gift, then it's not a gift.

Yes, it's true that in some CULTURES giving money is custom, but not in all. Again, just because it's custom to give money, it should never be expected.

Why don't you try reading some books on etiquette before you start claiming what's proper or not?

Answer 3

first off: it's not mandatory for guests to give a gift so a gift should not be expected. If you include gift regestry info with your invites it shows that you are expecting a gift from them whether that's the case or not. Also people may have something in mind to get you and may feel like they have to get you something from the registry. Which should not be the case.
If you say 'give me money instead of a gift' then it's also expecting a gift. Although if someone asks you or someone in the bridal party what you guys would like then it may be appropriate to say "they would like cash for 'xxx' instead of other gifts".
Hope this makes sense and helps!!
Just tell your bridal party and close friend where you're registered or if you want money instead and when/if people want to know what you'd like they can ask you or your bridal party.
BTW it's not actually correct ettiquette to add a gift list to an invitation. I don't know where you heard that...

Answer 4

It is actually MORE proper etiquette not to expect a gift for anything...birthdays, weddings, births, etc.
Just because you throw a party, it does not mean the guest has to cough up the "price of admission".
I've seen so many posts about people saying "well, i spent this much per head so they should give me at least that much in cash/or gift."
That is why I find any overt mentioning of gifts regarding weddings tacky. You mentioned the other cultures that give money, and yes, that is true. But the wedding couple is gracious and classy enough not to expect it, or announce how they want their gifts, and gracious enough to be thankful for any and all gifts.
And, please cite the source about adding a gift list to an invitation.

Answer 5

Honestly I've never been offended by things people seem to considering "begging for gifts/money." I look at it this way...I'm not going to a wedding without getting SOMETHING. I think it's rude to attend an event & give nothing at all, but that's just how I was raised. You go somewhere, even a party at a house, you take something. So I'm going to give a gift, but I would much rather know exactly what you want. If you want money, I want to know so I don't look all over the place to try to find you something. If you are registered somewhere I want to know. Not everyone is in the close circle of bridesmaids & such. I know that's usually the rule, have the family & wedding party spread the word for you, but I've been to weddings that I don't talk to the family & I didn't even know the bridal party. So I was clueless about what to get these people. I think it can be done super tacky, anything can, but it can also be done tasteful in my book.

Answer 6

Afraid this question is getting really 'played out' as it is continually being asked. Sure if you scroll down you will see recent answers. A short answer is if in the culture of the country the custom would be honoured. However, in UK it is NOT the custom. You will see from answers the majority consider it impolite and yes tacky. If you want to go by the minority that's your choice but if your work out as a percentage it should work out about the same as what the percentage of your wedding guests think so it's up to you if you want to risk offending. I too often give money for a wedding gift but wouldn't want to be ASKED for it. Think you could ask very close family for money but not all guests.

Answer 7

Today most couples already live together before they get married. Sorry if this is not your way. When I got married 7 years ago I waited to be asked what I wanted because I didn't know what the etiquette was. I lived with my partner before we got married and had everything we needed. We asked for gifts that would replace existing things like towels etc. Money isn't a bad thing as you can put it towards what you really need. When my sister got married last year she was in the same scenario as us and asked for vouchers so that she could do her garden up. They will be able to sit out there this summer and remember their wedding day.
Do what you think is best but put the money towards something that will make you remember your wedding day.

Answer 8

Tradition went out the window when people lived together before they were married yet they still feel they are entitled to gifts. which where generally meant for new couples setting up their first home.
If some one sent me a list of presents they wanted I would send it back with a no thank you.
People should give gifts because they want to and not generally feel under pressure to give.
The last wedding I went to the couple getting married asked for donations to their favourite charity, This worked well no one felt they had to give more than they could afford everyone had a great day and a lot of money was raised for charity.
Another bonus is that if you split up you don't argue of the wedding gifts.

Answer 9

A gift is a nice traditional gesture, to celebrate the marriage of loved ones. It's nice to think about that person and buy a gift accordingly, to say 'congratulations', giving them a keepsake from you to mark the occasion. Times have changed ... I think a list is a little cheeky and presumptuous. Asking for money, is just wrong and takes away the meaning that comes with a gift.

Answer 10

Give guests helpful alternatives for gifts - register at unique places. We didn't need much, so our registry was small, but we registered for our honeymoon (thebigday.com). People can choose to pay for a part of your honeymoon (you personalize it), they buy it through the website and then you get a check. It was a great way to get guests involved and gave us what we really needed - money, not stuff.

Answer 11

Cheap people offer these restrictive views. Hey, if I got a wedding invite with the gift list attached and something highlighted, that there just saved me from having to ponder and pull my hair out looking for the appropriate gift. Money is the best gift... you know they will get what they want.