i allowed my nearly 21 y/o neice to marry in my home without her telling her dad////my brother.....i didn't like doing it...but was feeling pressured to do so from my neice.....who was actually more like my daughter....we were extremely close......long story short.....when her dad found out.....i was totally banished from the family......even my dad threw me away......that was 3 years ago......they say they will never forgive me......i'm not allowed communication with their other 2 children either......he says he has to protect his children from me......before this i was the perfect aunt and sister......was available to babysit at a moments notice.....kept at least one of his kids every week end......we were all as close as a family could be......i miss them so very much and blame myself for losing them.....the neice is back in their good graces.....he says its all my fault.....much more here.....but no space left.....should what i did be a life time punishment?
2007-02-18 05:18:18 · 23 answers · asked by bestest nana 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
ok alot of you have said to aplolgize to my brother and talk with him.....i have apologized 1000's of times....i have talked...i have begged...i have graveled....i'm actually embarrassed at the way i have begged him.....i have cried to him....pleaded.....nothing works.....i know i did this to myself....i blame no one else.....i was the adult....i should have said no and just let her go some place else.....but i loved her so much.....we were far more than neice and aunt.....she has always had me wrapped around her little finger....i've begged my brother to lets go talk to a 3rd person.....he refuses.....i betrayed him....and he will never forgive me.....i am no longer a part of his life.....or his other 2 children....someone else asked if my niece talked to me and about her marriage.....her parents made her divorce the guy asap....and forbid her to talk to me....thats an even bigger hurt....i did it all for her and now i don't even have her....thanx for the replies and support
2007-02-19 15:09:34 · update #1
It's one thing for you to be in the middle of a situation where a child is concerned - but if the niece was over the age of 18, the father - your brother - needs to realize that she can/will do what she wants when she wants and he has to live with the consequences.
One thing that I have learned....We all get caught up in the emotions of the moment...those moments drag on for years but sooner or later - they get addressed and resolved. The question here is - what do YOU want to do about it?
I think your options are:
* Leave it alone - assume time/space will heal wounds
* Make an attempt at having a discussion 1 on 1 with your brother.
* Bring in a third party who can really mediate between you two
If it makes you feel any better - know that you are not alone in your angst and heartbreak. I have had many situations in my family where we went YEARS without speaking to each other. As I look back on stuff - I think - wow! How silly and petty....But you know...hindsight is 20/20.
Best of luck to you.
2007-02-18 05:25:04 · answer #1 · answered by Kristina F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you, by any chance, a Jehovah Witness? They are the only ones I know of that will banish family members, and people they are suppose to love. I'm not saying this to criticize a religion, I'm really serious. I think it is just an awful practice, and very ungodly. Have you tried writing them letters, and trying to ask for forgiveness? (Even though I don't think there is any forgiveness to ask for....it may appease them, or open up their hearts and minds a little.) I would think that your niece should be standing up for you to them...unless she is fearful of another banishment?? This is a hard situation, but maybe by acting like you were in the wrong you can gain entrance back into the family, and take it from there. Usually, I suggest total honesty, but it sounds like they are just too narrow minded to suggest this. Hope things go better for you....
2007-02-18 06:42:53 · answer #2 · answered by sassy_395 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you did was very disrespectful, inconsiderate to say the least, and overstepping you bounds by a mile. What were you thinking when you thought you had the "right" to facilitate a marriage of anyone other than you own child? Being a niece is not "your child." And saying that she was "applying too much pressure" is suggesting that your niece is able to control you and that you have no ability to uphold values or principles. You have done wrong and should humbly apologize to you brother. Additionally, you must face the consequences of your actions, whether it means life time banishment or not. You made a mistake and have to face the responsible of so doing.
Just hope and pray the your family can forgive you for this error. Time may tell if you are humble and apologetic.
2007-02-18 05:24:15 · answer #3 · answered by Kerry 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It is wrong on their behalf ... She was 21 so legally none of them could have changed her mind and if she did not marry in your home she would of just done it somewhere else and they need to realize that too. They need to let it go it was 3 years ago. Is she still married to the guy with whom she married, if she is and she was "let" back in the family what was the big deal anyway ? I would i guess just let them all know how you feel and they can either accept you back in or not if they don't then that's their loss of a great family member and friend and that just shows how little of people they really are that they cant get over something that an adult did and would of done elsewhere if not at your house
2007-02-18 05:25:57 · answer #4 · answered by isthisthingon79 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you did is wrong. But they have gone completely overboard. I think they are being really mean and they were taking advantage of you all those years. Or at least taking you for granted.
You can't force them to forgive you so the best thing that you can do is to just move on for now. Develop friendships with a few good people and claim them as your adoptive family. Incorporate your friends into your life more, volunteer somewhere or if you don't have a job, go get one. You need to try to throw yourself into something to get yourself over this gaping hole in your life.
Who knows, they may just lighten up in time and find a way to forgive you.
I do wish you the best of luck in the mean time.
2007-02-18 05:25:55 · answer #5 · answered by Goddess 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only thing your family knows is that you helped seperate their family. Regardless of your intensions, you kept your brother away from a moment that most men dream of.....walking their daughter down the isle. The aren't allowing you communication/contact with their other children, because they don't know what you're going to do to keep them away from them.
Regardless of your intent, or why this was done, it was ultimately wrong.
What you did can not be repaired. Your brother has missed out on the opportunity of a lifetime....why shouldn't your punishment last just as long?
It seems a little harsh, but your unwillingness to accept responsibility for your actions is your major problem at this point.
You blame your neice "she pressured me....", you blame your dad..."my dad threw me away...."
Didn't you throw the relationship away with your actions first??
2007-02-18 05:24:48 · answer #6 · answered by salemgirl1972 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't think so. It sounds like you just wanted to be a part of it b/c if you weren't ...she would have gone someplace else and done it without any family there at all. I would think your brother and family will come around and realise they are being irrational. Maybe you could try to contact them or even try to talk to the neice.
Good luck with this. I hope everythign works out. I'm sure it will.
2007-02-18 05:39:11 · answer #7 · answered by KJ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Write your brother, and dad a letter, expressing how sorry you was, for doing what you did. And that you know now that you should have told your niece, she should tell you. Say I hope and pray one day you could find it in your heart to forgive me. and leave it at that. I feel like this if God can forgive us, then we have to learn how to forgive. Now if they do not contact you, and forgive you, just go in with your life, don't hold your breath for them, life is too short. As long as God will forgive you that is all you need to worry about. I know it is going to hurt. But look to God, he will give you the strength, to keep going. So let go, and let God, trust in him, he will work it out.
2007-02-18 05:51:05 · answer #8 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, there aren't any easy answers. The trust your family had in you has been broken. You need to try to find a way to contact someone in the family who would be sympathetic to you. There must be someone who will keep company with you who you can begin to establish trust with again. Don't give up. Good luck dear & in the future trust the instincts that tell you something isn't right.
2007-02-18 05:26:48 · answer #9 · answered by curiousgeorge 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your family is being pretty harsh on you..especially when your niece was 21 and age of consent...You sound like me...Never able to say no when someone you love wants something....I think youre probably a very giving person and was just trying to make your niece happy....Try talking to your Dad first....maybe he can pave the way to get your brother to talk to you....I really think your family is making way too much of the whole situation....Goodluck
2007-02-18 05:23:32 · answer #10 · answered by mary2148 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋