1 year old flipping out!?

Question

My daughter just turned one and since she was born she has fallen asleep on my husbands chest. It is getting to the point that she needs to start sleeping in her crib to give he and I some "alone time" with out having to get a babysitter. When we put her in her crib she wakes up and cries like we have stabbed her or something. He and I smoke as well, and go outside to do so. We'll leave her in the living room with toys and when she sees us heading for the door she flips out! She has cried so hard she's stopped breathing. I hate leaving her like that and dont know what to do. Please, any help with either of these situations would be nice. I dont want to do the Ferber thing so dont suggest it please. Thanks

Answer 1

It's separation anxiety and its quite common at her age. I know there are some "child experts" who would disagree with what I'm about to tell you, but here goes: as long as you know she is not hurting, is not sick, is not wet/dirty or is not hungry, then you might have to let her cry it out. It will be rough at first (been there, done that!) and it might take a few days for it to work, but trust me, after awhile it will work. You need to establish a night time routine i.e. read a book, brush her teeth, tuck her in, etc and I'd recommend leaving a lamp or night light or two on in her room so she's not in the dark. Also, a cd of classical music or lullabies is very soothing to them too. Good luck to you!

Answer 2

I don't have much to say about the smoking bit. I find that rather selfish. Can't you take turns? Or quit???

As far as her crying in the crib...you need to gently wean her into the idea of sleeping there.. It's now or never. Try letting her cry for 5 minutes, coming back and calming her down- giving her the blankie, binkie, etc. but not picking her up. Repeat this as needed- you might want to let her cry longer but you reinforce the fact that her crying is not going to make you come and pick her up. Otherwise, she's taught that crying equals being picked up and she'll continue to do so. If you can keep calm, put on some soothing music and teach her to sooth herself with a favorite animal, that will help.

I have a 17 month old who knows the sign for "night time" and when I ask her what time it is after her bed, she signs "sleep." She enjoys having her blanket (must be by her right cheek) her binkie on her finger and her sippie cup with warm milk-that's her routine and if she does cry, I will come and re-position her so that she's settled but i don't pick her up. She also knows that she can only have those things- her binkie and blankie- in her crib so that's an insentive for her to be in there and stay happy.

It will take some time so don't expect an overnight solution. The key is to have a routine, stick to it and she will eventually learn your routine rather than having you on her routine.

Hope that helps.

Answer 3

With the crib-Put her in it awake and let her cry until she falls asleep, she'll be fine and eventually she'll be used to going to sleep in there and won't cry at all. That allows her to learn to soothe herself. If she falls asleep in your arms, she expects to be there when she wakes up. That gives her a false sense of security. You will find that you'll get much more done and more alone time if you start putting her in her own bed at night. As far as leaving her to go out and smoke, I hope she is in a play pen or something so she can't get into things and get hurt while you are outside. Maybe you should go out one at a time and not leave her unattended. Let's decide what's more important here.

Answer 4

You don't "need" to ignore her and let her scream, as some posted. She's a year old, still a baby. She didn't magically turn into a self-sufficient mini-adult on her birthday. She still needs comfort and reassurance, and her parents' presence to fall asleep (be that in your bed or in her crib, or still in your arms). She *can* be taught to go to sleep without that comfort, but why? At what cost? My almost-3 and 5 y/o daughters still need my attention at night to get to sleep. I gladly give it to them. They sleep restfully , knowing that their needs won't be ignored simply because the world went dark. I tend to them during the daytime, why should that change simply because of an arbitrary number on the clock, or because the sun went down? My 7, 9, 11, and 13 y/o's all eventually outgrew those nighttime needs, most of them between age 3 and 4. My 5 y/o doesn't really need it any more either, but she shares a bed with her younger sister, so reaps the benefits of sister's bedtime needs being tended to.

Going from the parents' bed to their own doesn't have to be such a traumatic experience, either, if you see it as a transition. It doesn't have to be all or nothing, cold-turkey, you're outta there. We started by using their bed (or an older sibling's bed) for naptimes, and lying down in the bed with the child (this was usually closer to 2 y/o, so no cribs at that point) until they were sleeping deeply. Later we would do the same thing at night, knowing that if the child woke up in the night they could come into our bed with us again. Gradually they tend to wake less and less, and the visitations peter out until eventually they are sleeping in their own bed 100%!

Children take up a lot of our time. Modern parenting philosophy seems to be trying to make them as "convenient" as possible. But they *aren't* convenient. They need time and attention, and lots of it. Those "good" babies who sleep through the night, go to bed with little besides a goodnight kiss by the age of 1, etc. are babies I've only ever *read* about. Not that I've ever known! With six kids, I've seen all of these "perfect baby" stages, but they all come and go-- they never stay "perfect" for long. Then, once you think you've got one problem solved, you can rest assured that another one, even more challenging, will come along in due time.

Keep loving your baby to sleep and letting her sleep where she sleeps best. It's NOT impossible to get them out of your bed. I've done it six times, with little frustration, and all by the age of 2 or 2.5. They stay little for such a short time, and they need us so intensely for such a brief moment in their lives. Once she's asleep, you can have that time with your partner you both crave. Intimacy can happen in other rooms, at other times than bedtime. It just takes a little imagination!

Good luck, and enjoy that precious little baby while she's still just that-- a baby. :)

Answer 5

I hope that you both dont go at the same time, that may upset her. As for the crying in bed thing, put some toys in her crib and see if she will eventually go to sleep. I know I hated the forever crying thing but you may have to resort to doing that.

Answer 6

ok it sounds mean but my twins have stoped breathing while crying too how to make her take a breath blow in her face one quick big burst of air try to make her transition smooth talkto her sing to her while shes in her crib when shes just about asleep let her see you walk out let her cry for a minute come back in and just stand there no talking singing or playingwhen she stops crying when you leave just stand there for a few nights then when she falls asleepwith out the singing and talking get her a moble try that for a few nights then just put her down and walk out that should work

Answer 7

dunno wat the ferber thing is but i should take turns at going out 4 smoke for a start. the sleeping thing youll have to sort now. my baby was the same had a thing about holding your thumb before falling asleep, its just a comfort thing they feel safer when we are around, so i wud say put baby in crib sit with him and reassure him ur not going anywhere until hes asleep, gradually make the sitting times shorter, sit there sing to baby, play some light music, just let him feel your presence

Answer 8

this is a situation u created!! u should never sleep with a newborn because then u have the problem u have now. U have to let her cry becase if not she is going to keep on doing it!!! kids are very smart and she already knows that if she cries u will go back to her.
good luck!!!!

Answer 9

let her cry for awhile.. sometimes children needs to cry.. seems that your daughter has a good bond with you guys especially since she's used to sleeping on your husband's chest.. you can try bringing her with you outside and let her play there while you and your husband smoke.. by doing this, you'll be spending a good quality time with your husband while you see her playing by herself.. that's a natural thing with children who grew up with parents and made a good bond with them.. anyway, when she's 7 or older, she would be out with friends most of the time so spend more time with her because from what doctors say, the best time children developed good bond with their parents starts from their baby stage until 7 or 10...

Answer 10

It sounds mean ....but let her cry...she'll fall to sleep after a while,but if she cries hard and you go make sure she's all comfy and calm her then guess what.youre gettin played by a 1 year old.. as for the breathing part i guess youll have to check on her when she gets quiet...She knows you better than you think,and will do what it takes to get what she wants.will you?