This guy was my fiancee, we broke up (for a month) and got back together..... Now we're just dating. During that month my birth control expired, no big deal, wasn't sleeping with anyone- and when we got back together I went to my doc for more bc. I took a pregnancy test last night because my period was late, and told him the results this morning after I used the second test with morning urine to confirm the positive result. He did not react at all to the news.
We have been back together less than a month, and I've had an abortion before (his) and have no intention of doing that ever again. I know his family is going to think I'm trying to trap him and I have no clue how to deal with that. I'm also in college (but will finish in December), and am 25- so I don't feel it's unreasonable to have a baby at this point. Any ideas about family dynamics, insurance (do you have to upgrade to maternity coverage?), or any helpful anythings?
2007-02-18 04:41:31 · 9 answers · asked by Amanda R 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
My only advice - be brave. I am going through a very rocky period with my bf and I know for sure I can not/do not want to have a child now. But you are already there. Try to focus on you and your baby now - you can not expect he will take any part in helping you if you are not sure you want to be together.
Good luck!
2007-02-18 04:47:38 · answer #1 · answered by 20082008 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you didn't do this on you own. Leave it to him to update his parents and if they dare accuse you of trapping him just let them know that you didn't FORCE SEX ON HIM he was and equal contributor of the festivities!!!! Maybe he is happy, confused, etc. You guys were engaged before. You can make it work if you are both commited to the fact of the baby. You are at a good age for a baby. Abortions are tough and if you feel you can't go through it again, then it's your choice! Don't allow anyone to convince you otherwise. Babies will give you the largest amount of WORK, pride, joy, and pleasure in you lives. Trust me, I have children and they are my world. I would never of changed any thing about them. You are almost finished college (YA YOU!!!!!) and that in it self is a HUGE accomplishment. Many women can't say the same. You just may be bringing family life a little earlier than expected. Sometimes the greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. Never look at your baby as a mistake, just love him or her and thank god you have the chance to be a mother. The answer to his families thoughts are quite simple. YOURS AND YOU SPOUCES CHILD, if they want to be a part of your FAMILY then be there. They don't come first YOUR FAMILY DOES!!!!!!!! As for insurance, don't know I'm in Canada where all is covered. We even get a year off paid maternity leave from our job. (YEH CANADA) GOOD LUCK. Remember take care of yourself and each other. That's what matters. most right now.
2007-02-18 13:04:05 · answer #2 · answered by momma 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should call your insurance company to ask if they have anything special for pregnant women. As for the abortion part, this is completely your decision, and no one should expect you to do it again just because you did it once before. God bless you for deciding to keep this one, you'll love this baby more than you realize is possible.
I would suggest you tell your boyfriend that you are going to keep the baby, and that you would like him to be present in the baby's life. Realize, though, and make it clear to him that your relationship with him is completely independant of his relationship with his child. The two of you need to go at your own pace, the way you've been doing all along. He needs to do what's right by the baby, obviously, and support his child. That doesn't mean he has to marry you, and you might want to make it clear to him that you don't expect that to happen unless and until you are ALL ready for it.
Family dynamics kind of go out the window. His family may try to step in and take over parts of the child's life (my boyfriend's mother wanted the court to order HER visitation rights), or they may talk about you when you're not around. Honesty on your part is most important. If it gets difficult, choose your battles carefully. There's no need to argue about college choices at this point, know what I mean? By the same token, do not be afraid to stand up for yourself or your baby when the time calls for it.
The pregnancy part may be hard if he doesn't decide to help, but you sound capable of dealing with that. Being a mother to a newborn baby is hard too, but it will be so worth it no matter what the father decides to do. Be proud of yourself and best luck to you and your child.
2007-02-18 13:00:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
if there is an 'aftermath', then maybe you arent meant to be with him. i would say that you should give him an option to get out. otherwise you will never know if he is there because of love, or the baby, he wont know either. tell him that youre having the baby, you love him very much and hope that he wants to stay and make a family, but that if he doesnt want to you would certainly understand. mention the appearance of you trapping him so that he doesnt wonder about it eternally. dont worry about his family, they will take their cue from him. if they think he is and will be happy, they will be as well. make sure he knows what he is getting into fully, and make sure he knows that you will also respect his needs should he decide to go. you got pregnant because you stopped your birth control pills and started up new again, which makes them ineffective for the first month you take them.
2007-02-18 12:50:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He may not have had a big reaction because 1) he didn't want to scare you or 2) he was in shock. Hopefully he will man up and help you and everything will work out, but if not then you deserve someone better! Don't listen to his family, they aren't what matter - it's you and him and now this baby. If he isn't going to be mature about this and you end up breaking it off, make sure you get child support from him. My advice to you is just to remember that you want what is best for your child, but also yourself! your child should have a father figure in its life, but if this guy isn't good enough than break it off with him, you can do better than someone than that. I'm not saying he WON'T man up to it , i'm just saying IF. Anyway, good luck :) Oh, also, if you're not sure what to do, contact a midwife or an OBGYN and ask them for help - they will be happy to do so.
2007-02-18 12:51:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
good luck...
maybe hes in shock... its a lot to deal with for both of you... are you talking marraige??? you dont have to marry the guy... theres no reason you cant do this on your own, but get some support from him($$$ honey!) dont get the abortion... your in a more stable place in YOUR life right now , you can have a baby...
not sure on the insurance... definetly check it out....i know they have here full coverage for people who are in your situation... check out the health department... get yourself on medicaid
theyll pay for all the prenatal and hospital, testsd and even have counseling. they also do follow ups free of charge for the baby... vaccines and formula... dont dispair... theres a plan for everyone.. dont worry about your boyfriend either ... hell come around, and if he doesnt, dont go it alone. get the child support for the baby...and good luck to you!!
2007-02-18 12:51:44 · answer #6 · answered by kim t 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He thinks you just set him up. He will most likely think this till the baby is born and gets a blood test.Way to go you ruined his life.
2007-02-18 12:46:43 · answer #7 · answered by petasucks101 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Well i hope he reacts positively and you two should get married for the childs sake.
2007-02-18 12:45:41 · answer #8 · answered by lovely 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
2 pregnancies out of wedlock. Way to go. Is your child going to have a full time father?
2007-02-18 12:47:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋