changes over the years - at the moment I adore my wee girl but feel on duty..also guilty for the grief I caused my own parents and also a bit sad at the loss of my own youth for want of a better phrase.. how does time/maturation change the nature of mothering?
2007-02-18 04:22:15 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It doesn't. You will always be mother to your daughter. You will always feel obligated to help her and your heart will bleed when she is in trouble or makes mistakes.
Eventually you will learn to let go and allow her to live her life. You'll have to do this for your sanity. You'll stand at a distance and offer advice, but you'll accept it if it is not taken and be sympathetic when things go wrong anyway.
You'll find yourself a little perplexed about what to do with yourself when your daughter no longer needs you. I'm in this phase right now. Seems 22 years slipped by and I no longer know what pleases me. I had to focus on my child for so long that I really did lose my identify as a person. The things I gave up to parent don't interest me anymore (going to clubs, hen parties, etc.) so now what do I do with myself? I always heard about this and thought it was silly, but now I understand the "crisis of urgency" phase of life is real.
I don't have any advice to avoid this. My child needed me to focus on him and I did that. We enjoy a great relationship and there are details of his life I just feel better off not knowing about (not that he is doing anything illegal or immoral that I know of) for my own sanity.
This is life. Your parents went through it too.
2007-02-18 04:32:41 · answer #1 · answered by amazingly intelligent 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
2
2016-05-24 02:22:07 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once a mother always a mother......that's it in a nutshell. What you feel for your child at present will never change. When you say you feel of duty I imagine you mean you can't take your eyes off her for a minute in case something happens? You may not require to be so watchful as she gets older but you will always in your heart guard and protect her.There will be times in her life that she may let you down and follow paths you don't want her to lead, you don't have to lie and agree with what she's doing but you'll always love her and she will know you will be there fore her. On the very positive side as you children mature you can have all sorts of outings together like shopping, lunches, planning weddings, the list is endless. Also, I think more so with girls they at time can be critical as in "That blouse doesn't suit you" or whatever. You are saying you feel guilty about the grief you caused your own parents but when your own does this to you it's just a matter of remembering what like you were when young youself and secretly smiling as one day they are going to realise they did it to you. No use telling them (bet your mum couldn't have told you at the time) it will hit them one day just like it did you. The loss of your own youth thing, in my case anyway is something that came with this huge responsibility of being a mother you are no longer footloose and fancy free, can't just walk away for a night out without a babysittter etc. That's my views anyway don't know if it helps?
2007-02-18 04:39:01 · answer #3 · answered by Ms Mat Urity 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Each part of parenting is different. Children are very challenging and try to push the boundaries at every stage of their lives. No-one is ever ready to become a mother and no-one has the answers it is trial and error all the way through. I think mothers just change the rules as their children grow older. Don't feel guilty for the grief you caused your parents move on and think of it as life experience. Sounds to me like you are going to be a great mother.
2007-02-18 04:34:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My son is no 10 and becoming really independant and its not until now that I know full well the stresses that my parents went through with me. He is starting to play out with friends where I cannot see him all the time and I worry like mad, yet I know I have to give him some semblance of independance. He is an only child and needs to become a little street wise but where one draws the line is a constant worry.
I adore him but, unlike when he was very small, we have rows and disagreements which are hard and I try to hold my tongue but dont always manage it.
Sometimes I yearn for the days when he was a babe in arms as it was much easier but then he does something lovely and I know then that I wouldnt change things for all the tea in China.
2007-02-18 04:31:48 · answer #5 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had my 1st daughter at 19, by the time I was 20 I was mother of 2 and the best years of my life were spent changing diapers and testing my patience. I feel sometimes that I missed out on the best years and it's something I will never get back. But I am grateful for my children and they have truly been a blessing to me. My kids are now 8 and 6 and as I've matured my love for them has seemed to expand in ways I never really knew existed. It's not so much "how much" I love them, but "in what way"...it takes on a different meaning as you enter different stages of your life. Their personality also has a lot to do with it. Isn't motherhood wondeful??
2007-02-18 04:29:51 · answer #6 · answered by shygal 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The role you take in your daughters life should change as her needs change. You really should start reading some child rearing books, time alone is not going to help you be a better mother.
2007-02-18 04:51:29 · answer #7 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don,t think it does change really. Your little girl will always
be your little girl. Mine are 19 and 10 and years have just
flown by. So enjoy every minute. I do know they always
want you.
I don,t think you realise how much your parent do for you until
you grow up and have children of your own. I look back and
think when I was a teenager (and older) living at home and
I know I took my parents for granted.
2007-02-18 06:35:05 · answer #8 · answered by Minxy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nothing changes that much you feel guilty over the way you have acted and your child will go on to feel the same. although we can change by making it up to them now by being a really good daughter to them now..good luck, your on the same old circle of life as the rest of us.....
2007-02-18 04:34:31 · answer #9 · answered by twinsters 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my eldest daughter is now 20 and my other daughter is 15 and it a wonderfull time to be a mum as im know their confident about boys /men we have great fun with fashion mags and we often go shopping togwether and have a real laugh i feel im their best friend for them as i know so much about them and it great to think that occasionally my eldest will say to me mum do you want to go to a wine bar for a drink tonight i feel so proud of them and pleased that they want to spend time with me remember to enjoy all the stages of your child life as they grow so very quick
2007-02-18 08:14:40 · answer #10 · answered by dottydog 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋