please help me guys, i got a banshee on my hands?

Question

everytime my 19m old son is fustrated/upset he throws his hands up (or throws himself on the ground and rolls around) and SCREAMS. and i'm not talking about a little toddler scream...he could break the freakin sound barrier. i've tried everything i can think of to break him of this (yes, even a light spanking), but nothing helps. could someone please help me with advice?

i want to teach him that this isn't the way to act when he's upset. it's very bratty behavior.

Answer 1

Just remember that he is using this behaviour to get his own way. Don't give in to him...EVER! He will eventually learn that this behaviour earns him nothing, and will stop on his own. Make sure that everyone in your family uses the same way of coping that you choose. The last thing you need is to have your husband or your mother-in-law buying him off behind your back, just to shut him up.

I have a friend whose 12 year old brother pulls this behaviour still sometimes--just opens up his mouth and screams when he doesn't get his own way. His mother has always indulged him, trying to buy him off when he gets like that. They have recently started to medicate him with anti-psychotic drugs in an effort to control this ingrained behaviour.

So I suggest that whatever you decide to do with your son, be done now. He needs his behaviour curbed while his brain is still amenable. You don't want a 12 year old on your hands that pulls the same stunt.

Answer 2

As far as I know, the cause for such behaviour isn't so much the immediate situation but what you did before that. If you teach your son boundaries about small things, the big things will be less likely to even take place. Children are very selfish (it's cruel to say, but it's true) and often, parents will try to give them the best they can, which often includes giving the child whatever he or she asks for. Later on, the asking will turn to demanding and then they'll get frustrated and annoyed about even little things going wrong.
My son sometimes started to act like that when we were going outside to the playground, but I'd simply pick him up, look him in the eye and tell him: no, if you're gonna be that way, then we're leaving.
Then I'd carry him away from the playground and he'd be quiet instantly because he found out what he was doing wasn't getting him what he wanted. Then a moment later (don't wait too long, kids have a very short attention span!) we'd go back to the playground and he was just wonderful.
Maybe not entirely a direct solution, but if you place it in context of your life, I think it can work for you.
Good luck.

Answer 3

You can treat a tantrum as gently or as harshly as you like, but whatever you do, the most important thing is to NEVER give in and give the child what they originally wanted in the first place. Compromise occasionally when they decide to calm down and apologize, but never give in during the tantrum. Personally, I tend toward a gentler approach.

I try to give the child the words for what I think they're feeling. "Wow, that really made you mad." "You're angry because you can't watch a DVD right now." "You're frustrated because you don't want to eat the broccoli, and you want ice cream instead."

I ask them to use their words. I've been so amazed at how much control children do have over their tantrums in the very beginning. My youngest, at your son's age, was pretty verbal, and I would often see her start to lose control, but take a deep breath and stop herself when I asked her to use her words to tell me what was wrong (although I usually knew already). Sometimes it was just a one-word reply-- a sibling's name, the name of the object she desired, or the activity she wanted, or the food/drink she was hungry for. But she would stop short and *try* to tell me what was wrong. Admittedly, this is easier with a verbal child than a non-verbal one, but that's where my first suggestion comes into play. Give them the words if they can't say them themselves. Teach some simple sign language for important concepts-- all done, more, drink, eat, please, thank you.

If the child is bent on having a fit, or is already too far gone to short-circuit it with communication, you may need to just let it run its course. I preferred to stay near the child while they were tantrumming, remaining quiet but making sure my presence was known. I believe this helps the child feel more secure, and IME made for shorter tantrums. If I felt the tantrum was being thrown specifically to get attention, I would ignore it after trying all of the above. But most of the fits I dealt with over the years were your garden-variety frustration-based tantrums.

As with most issues in parenting, consistency is key. Whatever response you want to adopt, stick with it. Don't be sympathetic and gentle one time, and then lose your temper and spank the next. The child needs to learn exactly what kind of reaction he can expect out of you when he shows this behavior. Then he can learn to trust that tantrums aren't worth it because 1) he never gets what he wants, and 2) he either gets ignored or at least doesn't get a whole lot of attention out the deal. And even with some form of positive attention, he's still NOT getting what he originally wanted.

Answer 4

Try to put him in front of the mirror next time. If he sees what he's doing he'll probably stop. I hope for your sake anyway! Good Luck! If not, I agree with just ignoring it, put him in a safe place, and walk away.

Answer 5

lol, i did (and still do the same thing sumtimes) when i'm upset.

i think it's because when he get angry, SOO much mental and emotional stree builds up in him, that he just has NO choice BUT to let it out!!!!

just ignore him, and put him in a diffrent room

sumtimes, they just NEED 2 scream. eventually he'll get tired, and probably fall asleep, lol =)

good luck

Answer 6

What worked for me was to ingnore them. put them in a safe place that they will not hurt themselves and let the scream, when they are done go back to them and ask if they are done screaming.... never reward bad behavoir...I never had to hit my kids, Timeout always worked

Answer 7

Well, what worked for us was to pour a glass of water on the kids. I dont know why it worked but it did. Good luck.

Answer 8

next time he throws a tantrum, you throw one too.......show him how he looks and say "now doesn't that look silly." i've done this to my daughter and she just shut up and stared at me lol.....but don't make a habit of it, you don't want him to start thinking it's OK cuz mommy does it