My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 yrs and lived together for 2. We both work full time. I have a 9 yr old daughter. He gets home from work at 4 and watches TV untill I get home at 5:30. I make dinner then clean up the dishes. I do all of the laundry and shopping. If I ask him to do something he does it but I already have a kid I have to contantly tell to do things. Why can't he just see that the house is a mess and clean up? Or see that I just got back from spending 2 hrs grocery shopping maybe I don't feel like putting anything away right now. I have talked this over with him on several occasions and he always says that he will help more but if I don't tell him what to do and when he won't do it. He's 8 yrs older than me and was in the army for 8 yrs he has been on his own since he was 18 so he was never babied like this at home. I feel like his mother sometimes and I'm exausted. Any advice?
2007-02-18 03:39:19 · 16 answers · asked by Cheyenne 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Try taking turns at different chores. Put up a list on the Fridge of weekly chores.. Reward both of your selves with a special date night or family night. ... i have been doing Flylady and i had a boyfriend like that but as soon as he started to see how easy it was then we all joined in and now it is much better. good luck.. Check out flylady.net she has lots of ideas for these kinds of problems.
2007-02-18 03:48:12 · answer #1 · answered by dottlander 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he'd wanted to marry you, there might be a solution to your problem.
As it is, he's got it pretty good. Someone to feed him, clean up after him, and provide him sex.
If you change any part of this formula now, he's likely to leave. Sorry, but you created this situation, and there's not likely any way to repair it.
By the way, your 9-year-old daughter is learning from you what she ought to expect in a relationship, and what indignities are acceptable in exchange for having a male around the house. You really ought to teach her to demand better, which means you're going to have to do better yourself.
2007-02-18 03:51:28 · answer #2 · answered by Guncrazy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure, change his brake pads and oil on his auto. Open pickle jars for him, mow the lawn, squash and dispose of bugs and other vermin, repair the plumbing, paint the house 30 feet up on a ladder, shovel snow off the walk and then he'll be obligated to pitch in more around the house.
2007-02-18 04:26:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Easy.
Stop doing his chores.
Don't wash his clothes, cook only food you like and make no meals 'just for him, shop only for yourself and if he asks you to get him anything, say no and tell him why.
Tell him directly that if he expects you to be his mother, YOU WILL BE HIS MOTHER - meaning...no sex, you will nag him all day to clean up after himself, you will always tell him what to do at home so the house stays in order...and if he has a problem with it, tell him that's how HE wanted it, so shut the hell up.
If he wants to break up, say YES.
This guy is a loser.
2007-02-18 03:45:43 · answer #4 · answered by drumrb0y 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i guess make him a schedule. if you told him several times and he does say he'll try harder next time then let him know. like when he gets home to pick up. when you go gocery shopping tell him he gotta put it away. but don't tell him more than once after that just leave everything that way so he could get the picture.
2007-02-18 03:48:46 · answer #5 · answered by jbhennessy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put all the dishes away,,get paper plates,plastic forks,paper cups..tell him you have no time for him also,,you know what i mean...Maybe put the T.V away would help too..till he does what he should be doing.Maybe make him do the shopping with the kids to see just how EASY IT REALLY IS to shop with kids in hand...lol...good luck..hope he don't move out...on you because of what i said.
2007-02-18 03:48:03 · answer #6 · answered by dano_xldd 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Teamwork is missing from your environment. Set a schedule of household chores for he and your daughter to follow. You need to make him understand you two are in this together.
2007-02-18 03:58:00 · answer #7 · answered by mimegamy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Offer him sex, tell him if I do not have to do all the work around the house I will have more time to take care of you...
2007-02-18 03:44:33 · answer #8 · answered by Thomas 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just leave the house a wreck eventually he'll get tied of living like that and start to clean it himself
2007-02-18 04:34:49 · answer #9 · answered by thehunterandtheprincess 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't live with them in the first place... you can avoid a WHOLE lot of resentment and anger that way!
Good luck!
2007-02-18 03:42:11 · answer #10 · answered by coffeegirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋