My friend has a painful secret which is not her fault. She was child abused very very badly, emotionally, physically and was neglected. She cut off communications from her abusive parents. It's been many years now. She has a fear of intimacy because of her past. She does not allow herself to get close to people because she is ashamed of her past, she feels that getting close to people means sharing her past, present and future(correct), but she just won't open up. How can I help or has anyone been in her situation.
2007-02-18 02:31:10 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
i under stand her problem, but first you must tell her,the pass is the past an she did no wrong,but the best thing i can say is be their for her, be a friend,an only time will help her,dont push in talking about it, but if she want to , listion,to her,it hard ,to trust any one after,you been don wrong an hurt so bad
2007-02-18 02:37:57 · answer #1 · answered by ghostwalker077 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has nothing to be ashamed of. She wasn't the one that did the abuse--she was abused--and that wasn't and never will be her fault. Has she gotten counseling. It is very hard to open up to people when the pain is controlling the emotions. I went through a very abusive marriage, not physical, but mental and emotional. I had a nervous breakdown and finally had to get counseling. After that, I was able to discuss it with who ever asked, I accepted my past which included molestation by a family member when I was young, and I have been able to use that in my life everyday. I became a social worker and fought for those people who couldn't fight for themselves. I am not saying that all that will happen with her--but the first thing she needs to do is talk to a counselor, pastor, etc., and learn that she didn't cause any of what happened, and that she should be proud that she has overcome the obstacles of what was presented to her. She shows that she has an enormous amount of inner strength, and character. She needs to forgive, and never forget, because that is what makes her stronger.
2007-02-18 11:04:38 · answer #2 · answered by Austins Mom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Undoing years of emotional and physical abuse will take as many if not more years than it took make it. Most people with that scope of abuse seek out professional counselling and sometimes spiritual counselling also. I think if she found and joined a support group for people who have been in a similar situation would help her immensely. I had a friend who was abused and she had the exact same feelings. Sharing her experience with people who could relate to it, really helped her to open up about stuff. Doing something like that, besides getting some one-on-one help might help her to get over some of her issues.
Relationships are sticky at best for people who are balanced, it's only that much harder for people who are sensitive and have been hurt. It's a tough road, and I wish your friend the best of luck, and kuddo's to you for wanting to help. You seem like a caring friend and those are so important.
2007-02-18 10:42:07 · answer #3 · answered by Kurius_Kitten 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've been i that sort of situation and i can tell you that if you love her then you need to be patient bcause once she feels comfortable with you and she feels she can trust you then she'll open up. Thats how it happen for me. I needed to feel i could truelly trust the person before i could open up. While i do agree that she should probably talk to someone in a professional sense thats a decision only she can make. This doesn't sound to me like a whats in the past is in the past kind of thing since she hasn't dealt with it yet. So good luck and patience is going to be a big factor here. AND LET HER KNOW THAT WHAT HAPPENED TO HER IS NOTHING FOR HER TO BE ASHAMED OF.
2007-02-18 10:49:51 · answer #4 · answered by hotmamainmi1982 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your friend shouldnt be completely open with just anyone she meets on the spot. Honesty is a tricky subject.. i think she should realize that ur past doesnt make you who you are, but what you seek to be in the future does..
she's not the only person to have been abused, introduce her to helplines and related websites or groups of people who have had the same experience, its comforting to know that you're not alone in your ordeal. maybe it will help her move on and deal with her insecurities.
opening up to someone new is never easy, you risk judgement and sometimes rejection. but thats only part of life. and the funny thing about life is, it goes on.
best of luck xx
2007-02-18 10:38:57 · answer #5 · answered by Lizzie_Livingstock 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear about your friend. It takes time to get past things like that. Its almost like reprogramming your brain. Its not easy (and maybe not even be possible) without counseling and a good support system (good freinds like you). Try and talk her into counseling, if she wants you to, go with her. It sounds like she has opened up to you and would probably like you there. Tell her to, or maybe you could help her, look around, find someone who would be easy for her to talk to and maybe who specializes in childhood abuse. With the counseling she should be able re train her way of thinking and hopefully have good, healthy, happy relationships.
2007-02-18 11:02:44 · answer #6 · answered by Tracy G 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being close to people doesn't mean that you have to share your experiences in life. There are things that you shouldn't have to say to anyone. It is over now for her physically but not emotionally so as her friend I think that you should try to get her some professional help. Get her to talk to someone who is paid to keep whatever she says personal.
2007-02-18 10:37:57 · answer #7 · answered by *Pretty In Pink* 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
mmmm this is kind of difficult...don't force her to share her past with you, just entertain her and try not make her think about the past...go on picnics or to the mall or to the park wherever you two liek going the most just try to have fun with her....don't force her its the worst you can do...and don't keep on 'telling her about how past is history n all'...it will make her think about it more...just divert her mind from the thoughts...keep her busy in something she likes doin the most...and try being part of that...liek join a gym work out together stuff liek that.....it might work...give it a try...
2007-02-18 10:50:31 · answer #8 · answered by jamshed007us 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She should seek counseling to help her firmly realize that what happened was NOT her fault!!!
She has nothing to be ashamed of---her FAMILY should be ashamed!
2007-02-18 11:08:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her the past is history.
Future is a mystery.
But present is what we make of it.
2007-02-18 10:42:33 · answer #10 · answered by Papillon 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋