How or should I help my 13 y.o. daughter hang with a better crowd? She has friends at both ends of the scale?

Question

My daughter has danced since age 3. And has been on a competition dance team for the past 4 years. I wish she would hang with the girls she dances with rather then the girls that do nothing but get in trouble. She talks about quiting dance because her friends that are in trouble and do nothing are pressureing her to quit. it's like "loosers hate winners" Her mother is in rehab for drugs. I have custody of her. Anyway I know that the crowd you hang with is a big influence in what you do. I want her to choose her dance friends over her "looser" friends. PLEASE HELP

Answer 1

The more you focus on her Loser friends, the more she'll want to quit dancing and be with them. I would positively try to influence her by getting some tickets to a dance/broadway show or something of the kind in your area. Perhaps this will reassure her of her real love. It is so tough when you are that age and she is vulnerable because of the age and her mother's weakness. Keep her busy and take her to do alot of things...this will alienate her from her friends more and perhaps she may see the light. I was a competitive swimmer for 12 years growing up. I wanted to quit so many times...my friends all had free time to hang out all the time and I wanted to be with them. However, i did have second family with my swim club and it was a way of life for me. Anyway, seriously, my father dragged me out of bed every morning (practices were at 5am, right before school) and literally drag me to the parking lot and kick me out of the car. He never let up and made me stay with it. There were other things I quit, but he'd never let me quit the swimming. I swam from the age of 5 until 17 years old! My last year I hit provincials in all my events (I lived in Canada, it's like the state championships). I placed in the top five in all of them, breaking alot of my own personal times. After that, he finally let me quit. He said he was proudest of me when I swam, he loved it when I'd come into the wall and kill the competition. I guess his tenacity kept me going. You need to practice the same. I am thankful for his perseverance. She will be too!

Answer 2

Be a good parent and lead by example. Believe it or not, children and teenagers THRIVE on discipline and direction. They need boundaries. If you're the type of mother who's divorced, dates multiple men, goes out on weekends while she stays at home watching TV, and sets a questionable lifestyle, then don't be surprised if she does the same thing! However, if you work hard, live well, and encourage your daughter to do the same, she will listen to you. Encourage her to hang out with the friends that you think are good for her to have. Don't be pushy, but don't let HER make all the decisions herself. She's only 13! She shouldn't be expected to know what's best for her yet!

Answer 3

Sounds like this young 13 yr old has alot of pressures on her right now. From her "loser" friends...and with her mom being in rehab*.
Talk to her and ask her does she really want to give up something she has such talent for and has worked hard at to go hang with friends that will bring her down and get her into serious trouble with the law, perhaps even start to do drugs....
At 13...you're trying to find yourself, your body changing as well as your feelings towards things in life. All you can do...is be there for her...TALK to her...be open and honest....and allow her to Talk...and LISTEN to what she's saying. Perhaps she just needs guidence from someone other than yourself.
You can't pick her friends but you can refuse her to hang out with them. GOODLUCK*

Answer 4

Teach and show her what choices she has. If she thinks about the rewards and consequences she will come out a winner in her eyes. Then add your piece if she is wrong. Balance her out and give her some tunnel vision. I work with teenage girls, emotionally disturbed ones and it is an adventure everyday. But the end result is their choice and they live with it. Making mistakes helps them learn. Once they choose, there is no going back and we move on. Sure they have regrets, but the consequential thinking puts them back on track. If they were true friends they would support her and shout for her when she dances.

Answer 5

Of course you MUST help her. Don't let her give in to peer pressure. Talk with her, explain she's a winner. She should feel sorry for those losers, but never follow them. This is a point where your support and involvement are fundamental.
Be a loving father, take part in her life.

Answer 6

God Bless You, Sir! It's good to see a Proud Parent, for a change! You've got her Love. So use that, to convey that you know what's best. Have her see that Trust, is very important in being her age. Ans she needs to se that all isn't as it appears. The Best of Luck to you. My Daughter is over 30 And I still worry about her.

Answer 7

purely shop on loving her unconditionally, help her judgements - as tricky because it might desire to be, or maybe nonetheless she would make errors / act out. i grow to be the comparable while i grow to be thirteen, and it did no longer provide up till I went to uni at 18 - while i certainly thanked my mothers and dads for all their love and help even while they knew i grow to be incorrect! i think of which you going to the health center would have made her understand how significant you certainly are to her - day trip from one yet another would be helpful and positively help the relationship!

Answer 8

Let your daughter decide where she want to be, you can still watch over so you can protect her , but she have to make some decisions on her own.

Answer 9

if you feel, and have good reason, for her not being with the "bad" girls, it's time to step up and be a dad. you have to tell her why you think she shouldn't be with them, and why she should remain loyal to her dance friends.

this is a fragile topic, so watch out.

Answer 10

you should have some talk to talk time and tell her y ,the consqences ,tell her how much u care, and try 2 use examples dont try to be to hard on her