My boyfriend and I have been really good friends for about 5 years. We've been "together" for a year now and I just gave birth to our daughter in December. My bf had a problem with meth and promised to stop after she was born...he's done it twice since she was born. I've told him that we won't live with him if he continues. To make a long story short, whenever he's on his little trip, all he talks about is highschool and how he still fantasizes about these girls and he still tries to contact them and he thinks about them when he's with me. We have a lease at our place until May-so we can't leave til then. But I'm hurt that I'll never be that person he wants...He never outright said that until recently although I kind of figured from what he said, he felt that way. This situation is gonna be weird for my daughter. She'll need her dad in her life, but what if I don't? This is such a bad situation. I love my baby girl and I love him. What do I do-he won't change and can't move on with me?
2007-02-18 02:08:23 · 10 answers · asked by green eyed sole 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
My daughter's happiness IS #1!Over mine or his. I'm also aware that I'll be best able to care for her when I'm happy too. He's not allowed to be anywhere near her when he's done that. In fact he's not allowed in the house. The second I look in his eyes, I know what he's been up to and he can't hide that from me. I know what a hard addiction it is to break but I was a smoker for 10 years and somehow I quit cold turkey the second I found out I was pregnant. I realize that's different, still it was HARD!I had to because I didn't want to hurt her. I feel angry-he's not just hurting himself anymore. It hurts me deeply. I will never let him hurt her. I also feel that if I am to be a good example to my daughter, the best thing I can do is be with someone who DOES love me. The whole staying together for the kids bit is bs to me. It'd be best that I show her that I deserve to be with someone who loves me and to accept nothing less. It's better to be alone than with someone who treats you wrong
2007-02-18 02:57:08 · update #1
The chances of the situation getting any better are slim and none. He's done meth twice since December THAT YOU KNOW OF. It is hard, but she does not need to be exposed to a life like that. You need to move on, hon.
2007-02-18 02:15:14 · answer #1 · answered by Phartzalot 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough situation. For your daughter's sake it will be better if you're apart. She can still know her dad, and spend time with her dad, but if you two can't make your relationship work (him stopping the meth) then it will be better for her in the long run. I would suggest trying to learn (from books, or talking to other single parents) how to raise a family together while living apart. My boyfriend's parents did it quite well. His parents divorced when he was 7 but he still had dinner with his dad several nights a week, his dad half supported him and his sister, they even took family vacations together- all of them- once in a while. Now that my boyfriend is in college he still goes and has dinner with his dad at least once a week, they have specific tv shows they watch together, and his dad will take him and his sister on vacation sometimes. I hope this helps with some ideas, and the best of luck to you and your family!
2007-02-18 10:18:16 · answer #2 · answered by SweetLaura 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to accept the fact that the 2 of you have a daughter and he will never be the person for you. It is not your daughters fault and hopefully someday he can over come the drugs to be there for your daughter but you need to put the 2 of you 1st and protect both of you and get on with your lives. Let him go, you can raise your daughter on your own and you will be fine. If he chooses drugs over life with you and your daughter he's not worth it. Life will work out for the best and don't let him bring you down to the point where you can't be there for yourself and your daughter, she deserves at-least 1 good parent! Please be as good a mom as you can be and just do the best you can.
2007-02-18 10:17:05 · answer #3 · answered by Tigerluvr 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im sorry about what happened. i know that you must love him a lot and i know for a fact that you love your lil girl. one thing though: you would never ever want to put your daughter in harms way, you would never ever want to show her the things that her daddys doing. if he is saying that he wishes he was with all these other girls then hes not mature. if he wants to be with anyone BUT YOU, then somethings wrong. if he wants to run around, does he love his daughter? because everything hes doing is hurting her, maybe not now, but it will in the long run. Hes not thinking of you or his own flesh and blood. You told him to change his act, and if hes not willing to make an effort then what is he going to make an effort for?? He may seem that hes the one to be with and that you love him and cant ever leave, but dont think about just you, which im sure youre not, but would yourather have you stay with him because you 'love' him, or would you rather leave so your daughter can have a chance of seeing someone whos better than that and being raised by two beautiful people that love her?? Im not going to make your decision for you, but think about it,,,,,,,,,,your daughter, or him????..if you need ANYTHING....email me at bkhilbilly_2010@yahoo.com....im willing to help you with anything that you need....and when your daughter gets older,,,,she will love you for who you are...be strong for yourself and her....cuz thats all that matters...oh and she doesnt have to have a dad to be happy and to be loved,, but if thats what you want for her, then start looking, because, hun, that one may be her real father, but that isnt a father at all.
2007-02-18 10:28:04 · answer #4 · answered by bits 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you need to leave him alone and move on without him he is an addict and an addict has to help himself because you cannot, If he wants to change he will if he doesn't he will lose you and i would just have his visitation with his daughter supervised because you never know what will happen make him pay child support and when your lease is up tell him that you are not renewing your lease and you are moving on without him because he is just dragging you down..
2007-02-18 10:13:58 · answer #5 · answered by Mary O 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Break up with him. Don't waste anymore time. You'll find love, eventually. And just because the two of you aren't together, that doesn't mean he can't still be in your daughter's life. If he really cares, he'll be there no matter what.
2007-02-18 10:11:59 · answer #6 · answered by BritneySpears_1981 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey, u answered one of mine and I am going to return the favor. In a way mi question ties in with yours. We both have problems at home and we don't know how to deal with it. Just don't fight with him in front of her. Things like this can really scare a child and it is hard to fix. If it helps, I would say that you need to let him go and keep him in your prayers. This man is toxic to your health and your child. You can have much better, and everyone deserve it.
2007-02-18 12:17:37 · answer #7 · answered by mandy iz a cutie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry to hear this.
but life is so cold sometimes, even though it hurts a lot you d better leave and be independent.
listen to what femminits say.daughter without dad isnt necessarily unhappy .
if you act independently , he will recognize how precious you and your daughter are.
get courage. good luck.
2007-02-18 10:17:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'M SORRY TO HERE THAT YOU JUST FOUND OUT THAT HE'S NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU AFTER 5 YEARS. bUT THAT TO ME WOULD BE A SIGN TO MOVE ON. i HAD TO WITH A CHILD MYSELF. 26 YEARS AGO. I FEEL SO SORRY FOR YOU THAT YOU JUST FOUND OUT, BUT THROUGH THE YEARS HE SHOULD OF LEFT YOU A TRAIL OF HINTS THAT HE NEVER REALLY LOVED YOU. HE WAS THERE JUST FOR THE FREE RIDE. MINE DIDN'T PAY ME FOR BILLS OR NOTHING NO GROCRIES. I PAID FOR EVERYTHING. ONLY ONE OF YOU HAVE TO STAY THERE NOT BOTH OF YOU. I RAISED MY SON BY MYSELF FOR 18 YEARS WITHOUT HIS FATHER AND HE IS DOING JUST FINE MARRIED AND HAS A DAUGHTER HIMSELF. SO I DO BELIEVE THAT IF YOU BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND REALLY CARE ABOUT YOUR CHILD YOU WILL DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. GOOD LUCK IN THE FUTURE. AND TAKE CARE OF THAT BABY. OH AND ONE MORE THING. YOU NEED TO ASK YOURSELF DOES HE REALLY PAY ATTENTION AND CARE FOR YOUR CHILD? THAT BABY SHOULD BE THE FIRST PRIORITY OVER YOUR BOYFRIEND. HE SHOULD COME SECOND. BABIES HAPPINESS FIRST, YOUR HAPPINESS SECOND, THEN YOUR BOYFRIENDS HAPPINESS LAST.
2007-02-18 10:30:25 · answer #9 · answered by HOPELESS 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your thinking is all wrong...it is not that you won't be the person he wants....it's that he won't be the person you or your daughter needs...he is a drug addict, a liar, a cheat......so move on with your life...you and your dtr deserve better.....good luck
2007-02-18 10:14:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋