I lost my 24 yr. daughter in a car accident in Oct. I need help! She was my best friend in the whole world?

Question

Justina was her name and she was the most precious person on this earth. I don't know why God chose her and this time in her life. I miss her terribly. I have a son, Justin who needs me and he is also having a terrible time dealing with this. We were very close. I am going back to work on the 28th of this month and I am very scared. I don't know if I am ready. I am down to 94lbs and don't think I am strong enough physically or mentally. I know I need to but then I am very scared. Justina and Justin are my life and always have been. With losing Justina I feel sometimes like I am going to die very soon. I don't want to because Justin needs me and I love him so very much, but my heart is broken into so many pieces I don't know how to fix it. The thought of going back to work is also going on with my life and I am having a hard time dealing with that. Going on without my daughter is heartbreaking. She was with me all the time, and now I am very lonely without her.

Answer 1

It's hard I know. I lost my wife, 18 year old daughter, 12 year old foster son in a car accident back in Nov. 1980. My 9 year old daughter was in the car also but survived. Without the Lord, I would not have had the strength to go on. We wonder some time why these thing are allowed to happen, but He knows best. We don't know what was in store for them in the future. They were Christians, so they just changed address. One day I'll go there and be with them, that is a promise of Christ.

Answer 2

First let me say how sorry I am, losing one's child must be one of the cruellest acts possible. of course you were very close, but would she want you to sit around and mourn forever, I know October is only a few months, but I learned a very valuable lesson when I lost my mother and husband within 2 months. I t took me nearly 8 years to get over it, it wasn't until I finally accepted the passing of my loved ones that I was able to rejoin the human race again. I read some self help books which came with cds, after a few weeks I could actually see a light at the end of a very dark tunnel, I became more positive, regained my self confidence and haven't looked back. Everyone grieves in their own way, so grieve all you like, but also think of the HAPPY MEMORIES you have of your daughter, baby days, school days, her first date, all the things she loved to do.she loved life and she would want you to love life also along with your son.
I too have lost a daughter though she is very much alive, we fell out, I have written to her quite a few times to no avail, but instead of me wallowing my loss I remember all the joy and happy times we have had. hopefully one day she may take the olive branch I offer until then I recall happier times.
May I wish you the best of luck, and God bless you.

Answer 3

I am so sorry for your loss. I will tell you from experience that you have to go on. Remember that Justin needs you there for him. It's not an easy thing to do because the pain seems to stay with you forever but in time it does seem to get better.

Going back to work is a good thing to do. It will be hard to do but is totally necessary. It helps to give you something more to think about. Just take it slow and everything will be OK.

When I lost my nephew in a car accident I had a hard time going back to work but I did. Then 5 months later I lost my husband. I felt like I fell into a deep hole and couldn't get out. But I could hear him talking to me and knew that I had to pull myself up and keep going on.

You have to remember that your daughter is with you ever day. You have memories that nobody can ever take away from you. Talk about her and keep her memories fresh that with help both you and Justin.

They always say that God work in mysterious ways so put you faith in that and try to go on with your life. I know it's hard but you can do it one day at a time.

Answer 4

I lost my 29 year old brother to a massive heart attack almost 3 years ago. I had a tough time for 6 months. I cried EVERY day, averaged maybe 4 hours of sleep a night and became depressed. We were very close, though there were 7 years between us. My mom had a tough time in her own way. He was her child, the baby of the family. She had to start going through therapy. Not for a long time, but just a few months. I got over it by going back to work, focusing on my then 14 year old daughter (who was my brothers whole world), and getting back to doing the things I did before he died. It was extremely hard at first...remembering certain things at certain places, or depending on the kind of day it was would sometimes remind me of certain things we had done on a day very similar. Music was the worst, as we had a very tight connection in the music area of our lives.

You need to go back to work. If not for the money, then for you to get back to some kind of normalcy. Start seeing your frinds more often, being conscious of how often you bring your daughter up. Try to focus on current events, or the latest gossip of who is sleeping with whom these days...LOL. Set up an appointment for therapy (your son might benefit from it as well), or join a support group at your local church for parents who have lost a child. Just remember, it will take alot of time and even more patience. If you have a very close and very understanding friend, ask that friend if it will be OK for you to call sometimes, just to talk about your daughter. Your son may want to talk to you about her. Remember, he has his own grieving to do as well. It will get easier...I promise. Just give it time and have patience and faith.

Answer 5

I am so very sorry for your loss, I can't begin to imagine how devastating this is for you and your family.

Although I have never suffered such a terrible loss, I have several close friends who have. They have all gone through it in their own way and their own time. Some of them talk about their loss all the time, others don't want to talk.

When my father died at a young age, it was very difficult for our family. All I remember is the pain and the anger I felt. One of my friends suggested I go to a "grief seminar" the local hospital was offering. I can't tell you how that seminar and the people I met helped me and changed my life.

Maybe locating a support group in your area, or locating a similar seminar is something you and your son could consider. I can only speak for myself, but talking to other people who understand what you're going through helped me.

The grief seminar I attended offered guidance through the "stages of grief". They had professionals speaking at their meetings; doctors, counselors and spiritual advisers. It offered tremendous support and I can't begin to tell you how much it helped me.

Although nothing can take away your pain, may you find some comfort with friends and those you love. May God bless you and your family during this difficult time, my prayers are with you.

Answer 6

Oh I am so sorry for your loss, nothing can be more traumatic then losing someone you love,but you must go on for your son God doesn't give you anything more then you can handle.You really should go see a Dr for your depression and anxiety, you really need counsling for the grief you feel, You will always have your daughters memories in your heart and your daughter would want you to take care of her brother, and not forget about him because he is there with you now..

Answer 7

Your daughter will always be with you, watching down on you, protecting you, just think of all the good memories you had of her, if you want to talk to her even if there is nobody around, she will be listening, she will also send you signs without you even knowing, and don't forget time heals it will take awhile but the days will start getting better eventually, try and talk to other parents who have lost kids i am sure they will be able to help you as well. God be with you sorry for your loss.

Answer 8

I am so sorry you lost your daughter.. I can only imagine what you are going through. Going back to work may help you keep your mind off of things and help you... You may never know why God chose her but he has a reason. But you need to have faith in God to get you through your hard times...because he will. Your son needs you more than ever right now...he needs your support and perhaps just someone to talk to about his feelings. Have you thought about going to the doctor and talking to the doctor about things you could? counseling maybe? Just keep praying and lay everything in God's hands and he will get you through this. Your daughter will always be with you maybe not physically but she will always be in your heart and you never know she may be your guardian angel watching over you and your family. May God Bless you and your family. I will keep you in my prayers.

Answer 9

I lost 2 daughters on the 19th of January, 4 weeks ago, in a car accident. While we all grieve in our own separate ways, I do know what you are going through. Many unanswered questions, so many things to deal with, other siblings to try to help, anger, fear, etc.

I joined a yahoo grief network and it helps a bit just talking to other parents that have lost adult children. There is also a Compassionate Friends network that have local chapters.
Please try your best to go back to work. I had to do that too. It's a chore and no one will know what to say to you, but you do have to try.

You can click on my picture icon and e-mail me anytime you want. It does help to talk of your angel daughter, believe me. I'm just starting out on this myself and have terrible times of trying to cope. It does help to talk to others that have lost children too, they know exactly what you're talking about. Hugs...Grannyhuh.

Answer 10

first i want say i so sorry for your lost, an i under stand your lost, i can say this for we lost our son, so i know you feel very low,we are to think we should go be for our kids, not for our kids to go first,,, honest it the worse hurt you can feel,an in time it get easier, but the hurt never go away,we too have other kids which we love dear, i know for a while ,my family had to watch me, for i was like you ,just wanted to give an an end it,,, i too stop eat ten,, but , honest, what got me threw was the love of my wife an kids,,,,please dint give up, i know where you at right now is a lonely place, an your heart ,is broken, an honest a part of your heart will all way have a hole in it,, but honest you got to push on, an ember she live in your heart,an you other chidern,, honest their be day you dont even want to get out of bed,an their be day, you just break down,,, please dont give up,, ever as i read this it bring tears to my eyes, knowing how you feel,an pray you keep fight, to move on