My mother-in-law has hope that her son will change his controlling and abusive ways. I do not.
Why as a mother does she have hope and I do not? How can I convince her other than my actions that I do not want to get back together with her son?
I met him for a few days and he already has asked me cancel the car insurance on my car when its my car and not his concern. I am driving his car while I am here and he has asked me to pay for the registration. He also wanted me to change my cell phone plan to a family plan and I said No.
His behaviors are the same and she does not understand. I don't think that I will ever be able to explain it to her.
2007-02-18 00:34:47 · 13 answers · asked by Stareyes 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Most mothers love their children unconditionally and will always look for the good, you on the other hand have to think about your own life and happiness. Why do you feel that you have to convince her that you do not want to get back together with her son. I feel that she has too much control over what is best for you. If you are not happy, then you need to make a move from both of them. Do not allow her to put you on a guilt trip. She probably wants you to remain with her son because of the stability you give him. I feel she knows exactly what she is doing. Be happy , life is too short for you not to be.
2007-02-18 00:47:55 · answer #1 · answered by myleshunt 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Mothers see their children in a different light than others do. Sometimes it's more fantasy than reality.
First of all, you need to build a relationship with someone (or not) based on their actions and behaviour. Hope is nice sometimes, but please.
Second, it's not your business to get your mother-in-law to think or understand anything. I don't know why she is still in your life, but she doesn't have to be, does she? Cut her loose too, along with the ex-husband. When she comes up with whatever she says about 'you should get back with my son' just smile and nod. Change the subject. Because in all reality, she's allowed to think that. She's allowed to think that her son is a good guy and that you should get back together with him. But her thinking that isn't the final say in what you should do.
Move on with your life.
And stop driving his car. What's that all about?
2007-02-18 08:41:05 · answer #2 · answered by Tavita 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i really hate to say this but i am a mother of 4 living boys...and i lived in a abusive marriage for 25 years...all of these boys learned the way their dad did me and thus for do not treat woman with respect, hit them, scream,. cuss...i had more black eyes in my marriage than you could believe and i believed how sorry he was for years...but had i left my sons would of learned to be different and to respect women...i tried to leave several times but i did not want to leave my kids and they never all wanted to leave ...it was horrible experience..i have one son that does seem to do real nice things for his wifes...now getting ready to go to number 3...but there was still things wrong in the other relationships..anyway what i am trying to say if they have been abusive i think it is very seldom that they change...they can go to counselors and anger management classes and this may help...but no one should tell you what to do..if you do not think he has changed and you can not go on with the marriage then i would not...but we have to live with our decision..and we never know what the future is going to be..i should of left when my children were very young instead of staying there and i think our lives would of been a lot better..
2007-02-18 08:44:45 · answer #3 · answered by sanangel 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don´t listen to his MOTHER. Who´s part do you thing she takes?
Yours? It is HER son. Go on with your life and try to get out of this relationship, things will get worse, believe me.
Live your own life or with another man. I would not give a penny for a man in your description.
2007-02-18 09:33:56 · answer #4 · answered by ullis 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep your stuff in your name and as long as you are not married to this guy what you have is yours and what he has is his. As far as the registration business goes, tell him that it is his car not yours and that you are not putting your name on something that doesn't belong to you and that if he doesn't trust you or belive in you then you shouldn't be together.
2007-02-18 08:44:20 · answer #5 · answered by hotmama 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first that all we realy got is hope,i too have a son ,that married an i was hopeing thing would be better,with his ex wife, but , honest as a parent ,we alway want thing to get better for our kids, ,,,who know if we hope may be one day thing will change
2007-02-18 08:58:30 · answer #6 · answered by ghostwalker077 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well one should never say never.......but if a person is used to a certain way of behaviour or life then it's not too likely they will change..........I guess it depends on how much you want to be with him..........can you put up with these things.........if no...........then don't go there again..........say goodbye.............as for his mother...........well Parents always want to see the best in their kids and will always have faith in them........it's what parents do........no matter how old their kids are.............
Good luck
2007-02-18 08:41:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
there can be hope for change but if the person who you are trying to get to change does not feel like he has a problem, than there is a problem. you cannot change a person, they have to do that themselves, not even his mother
2007-02-18 08:40:17 · answer #8 · answered by misseshodges 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
she is his mother...you can not change a mothers love for her son...or what she thinks of him if she is blinded by him.
You can not change him, only he can do that.
Anyways, if you do not want to be with him, why are you going around him and what does it matter if his mother see's you are right about him or not???
Stay away from the control freak if you don't want to be with him...stay away from his mom too...why do you need to be around her if he is not in your life???
be cool...
2007-02-18 08:42:54 · answer #9 · answered by CC Babydoll 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your very confusing lady are you married or divorced
are you seperated? if your seperated why used his car when you have a car of your own all mother in-lawsare always hoping in something but if your divorced who cares???
your very confusing;;;;;;;;
2007-02-18 08:51:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋