An older child & 2 young.?

Question

I have an older child (10yo) to a previous relationship (her father commited suicide) & 2 young children 4yrs & 8 months to my current partner. I am so busy looking after the younger children that my daughter is forced to be independent on many occasions. I feel torn as she is demanding of attention (& i can't really blame her) but i just don't have the energy, time or motivation at the end of the day & just look forward to having some quiet time to myself. I feel like i'm pushing her away. I do put aside days & times each week to spend just with her. Can somebody tell me what they think about this as i'm feeling so torn & guilty.

Answer 1

Really, you need to do something to make more time for her. She is still just as much of a child as the others, and still needs her mommy just as much as the little ones do. She is going to be going through alot of major changes in the next few years (puberty) she is going to need you more than ever.
If you dont show time for her now, when she gets into those teen years and needs your advice on drugs, boys and sex-will she feel like she can come to you? Or will she just be independent and do what she pleases?
Your new partner, he should be taking a fathers roll in the girls life as well. I have no clue as to the relationship here-but in my opinion if a man chooses to be with a woman who already has children, he should be more than willing to become a parent to those children as well as his own.

Answer 2

You should find something quiet and relaxing to do with her that she will enjoy and be able to be with you! Rent some movies, pop some popcorn, and have a movie night! I have 6 kids (an 11 yr old, two 9 yr olds, an 8 yr old, and two 4 yr olds) and I know that the older ones feel left out alot because all of my energy goes into taking care of the 4 yr olds! It always helps when we have a movie night so that we are all hanging out together!

Answer 3

It is so hard being a parent and trying to give your utmost attention to each child all the time! I have 4 children aged 9mths, 3yrs, 6yrs & 9yrs and this is what I do.
My 9mth & 3yr old have me all day, when my older two come home from school they sit down to do there home work. So I'm there for that which is classed as spending time with them. When they're Dad comes home from work he has to watch the little ones. While I sit with the older one's and listen to them read which they love because the time is all about them!
On Friday night we all have a movie night at home, spending time together. If I have to go to shops or something they take turns in coming with me. On the weekends I play with them outside or board games.
Kids measure how much you love them by how much time you spend with them.

Answer 4

The fact that you put aside time each week for her is great. You do the best you can. Don't kill yourself over this. It was not until recent years that a parent is expected to entertain their children as well as raise them. My mother never worried about things like "quality time" when I was young. Your role as a mother is to nurture them, guide them and provide for them. Eat diner together every night, maybe movie night (on the TV) Fri nights, something like that, that is good quality time. You already put aside one to one time for her. She will be okay, just don't let her see that you feel guilty, as she gets older it can be grounds for manipulation. If she needs more entertainment or something then sign her up for an activity that she will enjoy. Then on your one to one time she can fill you in on all the exciting experiences, also it adds to diner conversation. Take it easy and focus your attention on the babies who need you right now. Don't forget what the role of a mother is and do your best at that.

Answer 5

You need to set aside an hour everyday w/ your oldest daughter to eat ice cream & chat or something like that. Have your partner watch the younger kids while you do this, or take them to a baby sitters for a short time. You could also spend time w/ her by having her help (not do it by herself) you cook dinner, you'll be teaching her how to cook & have time w/ her.
If you choose to leave your daughter out, she's going to grow up to resent you, you'll have a bad relationship, she'll turn to alcohol, drugs, &/or bad friends to get her "attention" & "comfort" from - she'll become an uncontrolable wild child.
She is 10, soon she'll be a teenager, she'll be going through a lot of changes & a lot of issues at school, soon, she'll be needing you to be there for her a lot. Don't be selfish & leave her out, she already has a lot to deal w/ - her dad is dead, you started a new family w/ a new man (nothing wrong with that), she's now kind of left out already, don't leave her out more purposly, she needs to feel just as important as everyone else.

Answer 6

while you're happy then no you havent ruined your life. specific you havent been in a position to bypass out and piss your money up the wall yet so what? your toddlers are worth it, I advise how lots might you have enjoyed of it? no person ever relatively recollects what befell so whats the think approximately doing it. i ought to have 2 little ones via the top of the 12 months and that i'm 19, I first fell pregnant at 17. My dh works finished time too and we are happy with our determination to have a kinfolk youthful, whilst they bypass to college we've desperate that i visit bypass bak too or get a activity, whichever I choose and as quickly as we are 40 our young toddlers would be totally grown up so we are able to then bypass and enjoy life on a similar time as we are nevertheless youthful like traveling to places that we've continuously had to bypass to and doing issues that an prevalent 60 12 months previous couldnt do. be happy and tell the individuals who say those issues to you that they haven't any theory what they're conversing approximately and that they might desire to yet out of your life. stable good fortune hun

Answer 7

maybe you should try including her in the activities that your your doing with the younger children even if it is just helping you out like doing odd jobs for you to help you out and you praising her for that m sure would make a big difference even if you organized special activities for her and your 4 yr old to do then she woulnt have to be so independent and that also gives you a bit of time to spend with your little one youll probably find that your 4 yr old will also learn a lot from being with her and they might end up sharing a close bond hope i have helped good luck

Answer 8

you shuld try something
like get a babysitter once a week of more for the little ones and go out with her or just have alone time with her to do what she wants.