If you were in your seventies and a bad surgery left you confined to a wheelchair but you were still sharp in the mind, but you could not provide personal care for yourself nor live alone anymore, would you expect your kids to take care of you?
Also if you had three children and 1 took you into their home and gave up working to care for you for ten years while the others just made their token twice a year visits, and NEVER offered any respite to you so your caregiving child could have a break would you feel anger towards the other children?
Would it affect how you divided up the inheritance for your children keeping in mind if the caregiving child had not taken you into there home with the cost of nursing homes the whole estate would have been gone long ago anyway?
Just curious
2007-02-17
22:48:49
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10 answers
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asked by
jeanette t
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Pregnancy & Parenting
➔ Parenting
I guess I should *** that I have been caring for my grandma for 10 years she is a paraplegic. When I took her in my home I thought she would walk again like with her last surgery on the tumor. My grandma was always there for me like I went and lived with her when I was 17 to get away from all the chaos of my parents divorce issues. SHe was my one constant in my life. My husband adores her as do I, it;s just I have been doing this since I was 25 and I even got married five years ago and now I have a daughter and I just want to be able come and go and leave without it being a once a year thing because of all the planning it takes to go out of town. I just want my freedom yet I could not bare to put her in a home. She gave me the money when she sold her home so my husband and I could use it as a down payment on our house. I never asked her or made her do this. She said becuase I do not pay into retirement and ss that she wanted to do this for me, now my incles hate me and hardly speak 2 h
2007-02-17
23:09:43 ·
update #1
they hardly ever visited her and when I would get burned out I kid you not they would say well I dont know what to tell you but put her in a nursing home becuase we are busy raising our families. I never asked about a will or seeing an attorney and then adter about three years into her care my uncle started calling all the time trying to get my grandma into the lawyers office to make a livng trust. Then skip to the eight year and I got burned out and said I need help I am burned out and I said just to see what they would say "I found a place for grandma and it;s not like a nursing home and she loves it but it will cost all of us 200 a month on top of what she makes to have her stay there. They are all very well off I would add and they all had there excuses as to why they could not. In fact one of there wives asked "couldnt you just take evrything out of her name? All they wanted was her money. Ill be honest I never started this for money or expected it but as the years progressed on
2007-02-17
23:14:54 ·
update #2
and they lived all their lives I became very very bitter. Sorry so long dont blame if you didn;t read this all I think I just needed to vent. I actually feel lighter. Thanks to those who have read.
2007-02-17
23:15:57 ·
update #3
I think they might have part time services that will help you out with your grandmother when you need them like when you want to go out. Kind of like a nanny services for kids but for older people. If you trust them in your house you might use them when you need a break.
I loved my parents to death, most of the time. but no I could not take them in and care for them when they got older. It was just not in me. They knew that and understood.
They both died before my brother and I had to make and choice like you did. I use to kid my father and say I would get him a nurse that had really big boobs to help care for him. He liked that.
Sadly about the money issue you are asking, it really is up the person with the money to give it to the people they want to . No matter what we do for them, we should, like you do it because we love them and dont want to put them in a home.
I hope that your grandmother sees that your uncles are not helping and that you and your husband could use a little help in the end.
If I were you i would talk to grand ma and make sure that she does not fall under the influence of your uncles and write up a will that only benefit them and not you.
Good Luck
2007-02-17 23:26:38
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answer #1
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answered by LadyCatherine 7
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Well, thankfully, I am not there yet and sometimes we say one thing if we have not been there yet and when the time comes we choose/do something else. Hopefully I do not reach your circumstances to have to make that decision.
I always thought that I would split equal but rethinking as I age, I would probably try to compensate the one doing what your one is doing.
Addition: After reading your additions I would suggest having a good talk with grandma. She needs (if she is willing) to see an attorney and make you "power of attorney" (this is for before death) and also make you administrator (this is after death). This needs to be done while she is of sane mind. She need to make these decisions. And I hope she realizes how little the others have done.
2007-02-17 23:17:03
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answer #2
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answered by old_woman_84 7
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First of all, chill down sister.. Here's an Indian for help !! :) Secondly, bless his soul, he's just 15.I'm 15 too, but still.. not everyone attains maturity soon. See why he's behaving stubbornly.. can he not see the hardships your mother is going through to raise you all up ? Or is there peer pressure behind this behavior of his ? Try getting to the root cause. Thirdly, I want you to talk to him. And more than that, LISTEN to him. See what his grudges are against you all, and your mother. Clarify them all, and make him understand what a cruel place this world is and it's just family who really stays with you in thick and thin. Purify his mind. No matter what he does, how many tantrums he throws, do not fulfill his demands, just because a child cries for something he or she wants, we must not give him/her it of it's NOT for his/her good. That's it. And behaviors fluctuate.. so chill down, he'll realize soon. If he doesn't take him to a relationship expert. Everything will turn out to be fine.
2016-03-29 01:07:11
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answer #3
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answered by Anonymous
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I wouldn't expect my kids to care for me personally but i would expect support & love very regularly from them. I would feel angry, frustrated & hopeless in your situation so i can't think how to make you feel better, but just because your g/mother has given you money does not mean you have to commit your life to caring for her unless you want to. You need to live your own life too! Discuss this with her & explore your options. Perhaps you could cook her meals & visit very regularly if she could choose a hostel or home close by. Ask her what she wants. In the mean time look after yourself & your child & make this your first priority. I am sorry that you are in this situation & i wish i could help you with some great answer. I've worked many years in old age homes & have seen thriving happy people when they have a close association with their loved ones. Best of luck.
2007-02-17 23:19:07
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answer #4
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answered by Mishell 4
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we have children to raise adults not to make babysitters for when we are old. being old is a part of life that we have to accept no matter what. There is no way i would ever expect my kids to do that as i made them to live their own lives. I would appreciate them visiting me but would probably never let them look after me unless they were able to spend more time on thier own lives then with me. This is why i think everyone should have a plan for their retirement.
2007-02-17 22:54:15
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answer #5
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answered by emesumau 4
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I believe it's my job as a parent to raise morally sound, well mannered, respectable human beings. My only demand is they do the same, IF they chose to have children. I expect nothing out of my children, they owe me NOTHING for the pure ENJOYMENT of raising them. It's my opinion that a parent should always show strength (or at least make an attempt to) So that maybe your child will learn, and put the same effort into their family!!!!
Great question!!!!!!!!!
2007-02-18 00:52:57
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answer #6
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answered by olschoolmom 7
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I guess I expect all of my children to want the best for me but my husband & I feel that our care is actually our own responsibility. Yes, if there were an inheritance, I would favor the child who cared for me if I felt s/he did it out of love and not material gain.
2007-02-17 22:58:33
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answer #7
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answered by Lyn 6
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i not only set up savings accounts for my kids i set up a retirement acciunt for myself so that when i am to old or unable to care for myself they will not have to i will be able to pay a hme nurse to do it they will have there own lifes they dont need me to worry about
2007-02-17 23:00:38
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answer #8
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answered by debrasearch 6
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yes they should. parents take care of them for 18 years, and family always supports family.
2007-02-18 07:19:25
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answer #9
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answered by . 5
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i understand that this is your problem, anyways i can understand, dont worry you will get the blessing from god.. i feel you should explain your problem to yur other bro and sis... so that they will come to know ur problem...
2007-02-17 22:54:49
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answer #10
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answered by Richa 6
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