I have a 2 year old girl but at the moment feel tormented - 1. For not appreciating my own parents 2. Worried?

Question

that I can provide for her and guide her into a healthy/happy adult.. 3. It feels in a way like I am stuck back in the past too - with the same malaise/craving something and not knowing what..the way I often did as a child yet my parents did all sorts for me etc

Really want to break the cycle but my daughter and I are very isolated and life at the moment just seems so pointless.. I just keep thinking of all the heartbreak ahead of her and of all the heartbreak I caused my own parents and both sides are weighing me down to the point I am a week plus behind on my degree course..

I don't know if it is the shock of full adult responsibility hitting me or what but as I say at the moment I feel like I am just going through the motions with my wee girl and feel dread for the adolescent years..when my folks are gone.. etc

Perhaps knowing how disappointing family life was for both my folks has affected my own psyche - neither were happy and both clinically depressed..

When we were little my parents (my Dad I should say) was very indulgent - rarely chastising, often buying lots of material goods etc where as my mother (after being continually undermined by my Dad) withdrew and was cold.. Now I feel a mixture of both my parents and how I perceive they felt - with the anxiety/indulgent nature of my Dad but inside dead like my Mum - so as for my wee girl who I just adore I don't know how to change things - if I take her all over the place and do things then like us, she might not appreciate the value of things or not have realistic expectations of what adult life/responsibilities entail.. on the other hand without meaning to, I am just plodding on, feel that my life is over and that I am just putting in quantity hours/feels like a chore..

I am also hugely hugely guilty for feeling this way as she deserves so much more.

Answer 1

Let go of your worries, (yeah, I know easier said than done) and try making amends with your parents. That's the first step.

Now remember that your girl is not you, but she will try you later, now even.

If you feel you need someone to talk to, don't hessitate to click on my profile and write to me. I promise to be non-judgemental and I would try my best to be a shoulder to lean on.

Best wishes

Answer 2

Oh honey, this is so normal. Honestly. I've never known a woman not go through this after having a child.

All these fears pass. I promise. You love your daughter and you'll do your best for her, just as your parents did for you. You can spend a lifetime picking apart your worries and trying to find the answers, or just accept that you can only now view the past with hindsight and you can't know the future.

Loving your daughter, something that comes as naturally as the sun and the rain, is all you need to do right now. Take each day as it comes and I promise you that in a while you'll look back and see the pain stopped some time ago.

One day at a time. I promise you there is blue sky ahead for you and your daughter.

You're a great mom x

Answer 3

If both your parents were clinically depressed, I'd consider whether or not you yourself have this condition. Do visit your doctor.
As a parent myself I can tell you that there are few things I'd never forgive my kids for. My greatest desire is for them to be happy and healthy. And I make allowances for their immaturity, as I hope my parents did for me.
Now have some peace. Count your blessings. Your daughter is healthy and happy. Accept the fact that you might be depressed and get some help.
You'll be fine! You'll see.

Answer 4

I hate your grandfather and the grandfather on the Dr Phil teach. They the two need to die like a number of pedophiles. Pedophiles are the greater severe form of scum and smash peoples lives. you need to tell the police what occurred and then seek for counselling on the instant away. opportunities are high that he has performed this to others aswell and would bypass to prison for an extremely very long term.

Answer 5

I seem to understand your parents are still with us so make up to them now and yes you are stuck in a warp so just turn your mind around and start to see your parents happy /you and your babe also/ and gradually it will all come together Good Luck Lovey your not isolated there are lots of good folk around you so reach out to them