should i leave my boyfriend who has cancer?

Question

I and my boyfreind are in late 20's, i just recenlty found out that his cancer may return anytime, and the doctor said his chance of surviving 10 years is not high. For the last few month he has been in and out of hopsital half of the time, also he gets alot of pain here and there. We have been together for 2 years, i love him, but i am on a 'tight schedule', ie i am close to 30, i want kids and family soon because my biological clock is ticking, knowing his cancer may come back, my future kids my not have a dad, also my stable job maybe in doubt as well, i don't want to be a widow! I feel a huge delimma, emotionally i love him very much, he is the nicest guy i've been with, but something in my head kept telling me that my life will be full of sorror and worry if i stay, i've mentioned a few times about our future with him but he 'begged' me to stay, promising a great health, what should i do? i feel like time is running out

Answer 1

Unless he can provide you with millions in insurance and inheritance, get out. You can be his friend, but he doesn't have a future and you do. This isn't selfish. It's realistic.

Answer 2

What does your heart say ?

I know your looking for an answer , but I wonder if you are being influenced by others, don't want to be a Widow then don't marry anyone, simple as that , now if your only in the relationship because you feel sorry for him then that is wrong also.

You said you love him , if you get married it's till death do us part and Cancer can strike at any age, imagine yourself in his predicament.

Your biological clock is ticking so times an issue , time might be an issue for him also , can he find someone that will love him without any issues.

Hate to sound cruel , but life goes on , you can also talk with him about having children and planning for life in the future should he get sicker, a life insurance policy isn't taboo it's a part of life.

God bless you no matter what choice you make.

I am so sorry that you are struggling with so many issues, boyfriend and Mother ( yes I've read your other questions ), honestly get therapy , don't talk to your Mom , talk to someone that will give you support, you can go with your boyfriend too , kind of like marital counseling eventhough youre not married.

Again , hope all turns out for the best.

Answer 3

How sad! You say that you love him yet you would think of leaving him in the middle of a health crisis. I think you are being quite selfish and you don't really love him at all. If you did you wouldn't even think twice about staying by his side.Many people beat cancer and he can too. Every day they are making progress in the treatments. If you really feel this way then go. You would be doing him a favor in the long run. When 2 people are commited to each other it's for the good and bad. You don't have that commitment. Explain your feelings to him and hope he will understand. You deserve a life, too. It just seems cruel to leave your man in the middle of something like this. What if the shoe was on the other foot? What if it was you who had the cancer & he told you that you no longer fit into his future plans? Think about it. I realize you have to do what is best for you, just be easy on him and continue to keep in touch with him. That;s the least you can do.

Answer 4

Just because he has cancer doesn't mean you should leave him. Did you ever think that maybe he wants a family to, instead of wasting the last few years he has make them good ones give him a happy life, and when the time comes that he gets sick deal with it then, but if you love him like you say you do you would not even question about leaving him personally i think that is very selfish! I understand that your scared and you dont want kids to grow up with out their father but to be honest are you going to be able to move on with you life knowing what you did, um probably not. Good luck! I hope you do the right thing.

Answer 5

I'm personally very, VERY sorry about your situation :-(

I don't know if I can be of much help, but plz don't worry, it's gonna be all good. I think all you have to think about is what is important to you. Is it to be married to and have kids with ANY man, or is it to be with the man who loves you, although he may not be around for long?

Please do not feel the immediate pressure of the "biological clock". You're in your late 20's, and you have ample time to be a mother. Let's say due to this pressure, you leave your current boyfriend and get a new one and hurry things with him (which he may be glad to do), and let's say you get married to and have kids with him. How long are you all going to stay happy?

There is a rather significant possibility that your current bf may not be around for a long time, but at the end of the day, all you need to think about is whether you can truly replace him. You can take the safer way out by living your life in a simple normal way by not being involved in such a time-constrained relationship. Or you can stay, believe and risk being left alone. What makes you happier?

Again, I'm very sorry about the situation and that I'm unable to offer a good solution :-(

Answer 6

> "Time is running out. It's better for both of you for you to move on."

horse manure!

Time is *not* running out. You are *not* on a tight schedule! You've got another decade at least. women are having healthy babies in their 60s now.. as young as you are, being in a hurry is pure 100% selfishness- which BTW doesn't bode well for your abilities as a mother.
what, you wanna have 20 kids?
In todays world, more than two (replacement rate) is immoral anyway.
if you want more, adopt!

If you're not right for each other, then go.
But what you're talking about here is putting your wants ahead of his needs.

It might be more convenent for you to move on, but its not 'better' for either.

If you don't like your financial stability then go get a better job (better skills likely wouldn't hurt). Threatening to leave him because *you* can't hold a job is pure selfish crap.

You actually threatened to leave him if he doesn't get better? Thats one of the most cruel things I've ever heard. You've probably depressed him so much you might be contributing to his illnes.

On second thought, he might be better off without you. But if he still wants you after the way you've been treating him, you'd better count your lucky stars and hang on.

I suspect that these may not be the real reasons, that the real reason is that you're afraid of how you'll feel if you lose him. Its an understandable fear, but as a reason to leave it makes about as much sense as killing yourself now so you don't have to fear death.

you should find a counsellor you can talk it all out in person, this is really too serious a question to leave for strangers or acquaintances.

Answer 7

I have been involved intensively for many years, with members of my family who had cancer. Some did recover and some passed away. The most important attitude toward a sick person, not only who has cancer, is to give him hope and strengthen him to teach him to think positive. Half the battle is won. If you love this person so much and he is nice and good to you, than how can you ask about tomorrow??????? You only hear about people with cancer who passed away, but be asured that also many people survived.

Answer 8

I think that right now all you are thinking about is your own happiness and no one Else's. He loves you and I feel sorry for him because you don't love him back. If you did love him you would be thinking of spending as much time as he had being happy than worrying about being a widow. I am not telling you to do things out of pity all I am saying is that these are the last days or years for this guy and you are the one that he is in love with. Someone as selfish as yourself.

Answer 9

you say you love him, but then you talk about "your tight schedule", if you really love this young man then you would be thinking of how to make your lives together be the best you can make them. drs. have been wrong about how long a person has to live. you sound like you are looking for a baby maker, and you can get children without a man if that is all you care about. love transends all. you would be doing this young man a favor if you tell him how you feel. maybe he won't want you as you seem so uncaring about anyone but yourself. if you have doubts about being with this young man, that get out of his life so he can find someone who is not as selfish as you and will think of his feelings to. it sounds like he really loves you but if you can't love him inspite of his health, then go and find someone else. but what makes you think that any relationship is lasting? a person can die in many other ways besides cancer have you thought of that. you need to tell him your true feelings and then pray for the best for both of you.. and say an extra prayer for your young man. you'll be surprised what prayer can do!!!!!!!!!

Answer 10

kay...this a VERY HARD decision to make,and i understand ur needs too....but, i say, U better stay with him. wanna kwn y im saying this?there r things tht medical sciencwe cant explain..


kay,...see, i had a heart problem and i had only 60%chances of surviving, n im jus 17 nw....i found a girl who loved me and REALLY cared for me...andas if it was a miracle the love and care she gave me made me npormal again. The doc cant a give a scientific explanation for this.neither can ne1. Love can work miracles....go by ur heart. Even if ur kids are someday left without a father, theyll know tht he was a man who loved his kids n be the best father in d wrld...and who knews?Even if the worst thng happens(god forbid such a thng ever happens..).u may still find another man wo is ready to give his heart nd soul to ur kids...thnk abt it.

Answer 11

I dont think you should ask this question in the first place. The choice has to be yours. It is not at all easy for anyone to give you suggestions, infact it would not be right. You are really stuck, love and future. I dont know what I would do in such a situation, but I thank god that I m not in your shoes.
I can do just one thing for you.
Pray.
And dear I shall.
You take care