Sister-in-law sleeping in our bed.....?

Question

Recently, my husband and I travelled to Paris. His sister and niece had used our apartment while we were away. We have a spacious apartment and I thought it would be fine. We have an extra guest room, which I prepared the guest room for them before we left. However, I found out that they slept in our bed. I specifically asked him twice if they would prior to our trip, and I said it was okay if his niece wanted to. She is 10 years old. I also asked his mother and said it was okay if his niece slept there. I made my point very clear that I would not like it if his sister slept there. However, when I found out, he said there is nothing he can do about it.

I feel slightly violated and as if I have no say in the decision making process regarding our bedroom. I feel that our bedroom is a very private. We have ample space and felt that they could have slept in the guest room.

Am I being unreasonable?

Answer 1

----no your not being unreasonable----your wishs should have been followed.

Answer 2

Oh man. I am not going to attack you because you know what you are doing is wrong. I hear all the time that people cheat because the other is better than the one that they have at home. I think that this is the biggest cop out that has ever been mentioned. You are married!!!! When you are married every night is not going to be mind blowing sex. Sometimes you feel that it is great, others okay, and others you could of had a V-8! If you love your husband, talk to him, tell him how he can improve. Honestly, he may not even think that you are the best.(Not to be mean) Marriage is not all about sex. You are faced with the new and exciting. As many may know, I cheated before we got married. I confessed everything, The thing was he already knew and he had cheated. This was the hardest thing that we both had to live through. When all was said and done, it was not worth it at all. Our wedding ended up being postponed. We ended up breaking up after countless years together. When it came down to it, the most precious memories was what substained us. It was not the sex. It was playing sports together, watching old movies. laughing together, seeing our oldest child born. After going through this, we have a soul mate type of love, but we almost destroyed one another through our selfishness. In the end, it is not worth a tryst here and there. After going through all we went through and the tears and heartache, a billion dollars would not make us betray one another again. Tell your husband. Be thankful for what you have. A marriage is blessed and sacred. Good sex will only be for a moment, but all the other memories is what true happiness is all about.

Answer 3

I am sorry you are being unreasonable. I would be thankful they stayed there for you while you were gone. Maybe the 10 year old was afraid to sleep in the room by herself since she was in a different place. If his sister slept in the room with a man then yes you may feel violated. But since it was his sister and niece I wouldnt be so upset. You said it was okay for the niece to sleep in the room but not the sister. I am sure the sister thought it was okay and like I said, maybe your niece was afraid to sleep in there alone. I would wash the sheets and go on. be thankful someone was watching your place while you were gone.

Answer 4

no your not unreasonable your room is your haven it it your private oasis for sure you are violated there are other spare rooms there is a couch if they want to but find out the reason maybe your niece is scared to sleep by herself
you have all the say regarding your home it is your castle
but they must have a reason even how trivial it is like fell sleep while telling bedtime story on your niece
let your husband knows what you feel it might not happen again

Answer 5

Well you will know better next time not to trust his sister. I would have felt violated also. I don't think there is anything to be done about this now. The next time you go anyway and they ask to use the apartment just tell them that you don't think it would be a good idea. Perhaps his sister will be able to figure that out.

Answer 6

I personally don't feel that way about my bed, but you have a right to your feelings, and a right to have your say about your own bed.

You shot yourself in the foot by muddying the issue, saying its OK for one person to be there and another not. (also people probably got insulted), and asking what would happen instead of making your boundaries clear.

If it was truly important, you should have just kept it simple and made the room off limits, period. Live and learn..

Answer 7

You are being unreasonable from my perspective but I don't have to live life through your brain. Obviously you have been brought up to perceive that inanimate things have an animate existance and as such your bedroom is sacred. It is like people valuing their church building when it is really bricks and mortar. You value your bedroom in a way that is illogical but real to you.

So in that respect you are not being unreasonable.

Answer 8

Since you asked them to use the guest room, they should have done it. But I sure don't see anything to get so upset about.

If this is the worst thing that ever happens in your marriage, you will be darn lucky! Worry about the important things, not something as minor as this.

Answer 9

No, just ignored by pour husband and his family. It seems your opinion or desires don't matter to any of them. I agree that your bedroom is you private area where of all places on earth to enjoy, your bedroom is the only place. to make love to masturbate, to walk around naked. You and your space have been violated. I'm sorry for you that your husband does NOT respect you.

Answer 10

What in the world is the big deal. It is just a bed and sheets can be washed and changed. Be thankful that you had someone who cared enough to watch your residence while you were gone.

Answer 11

yes i think you are why was it OK for the niece to use it and not the sister what is the difference? x