Why are people judgmental with mothers with toddlers?

Question

I'm a proud mother of a little toddler, my husband tends to be out of town for work so its basically me and my little one. I'm a young busy mother thats going to college as well. My little one is pretty loud at times and I've heard people mumbling. One time at church a lady right behind us said, "I feel sorry for that child", just because my daughter was being a little too loud. I even heard a teenage boy behind us mumbling, "that child is annoying". But she's a toddler come on give me a break! Whats the deal with these people? When I go out mostly without my husband people give me this look. Can it be that I'm too young? Or they think I'm a single mother? Or my toddler is too loud? I do control my little one but that doesn't mean kids are perfect 24/7. What do you think? Have you been in this situation?

I think "parents" would understand where I'm comming from, but some people act as if they never seen or dealt with a child. Now, that I'm a mother I truly understand parents out there. Although I'm not a single mother but basically living like one I feel for single parents.

Answer 1

I don't know. It's like when you get married and have children a sign appears on your face that says, "Please offer me your opinions on my abilities to be a wife and mother." It won't change so you will have to decide how you want to handle it. You can choose to ignore it or you can come back with snappy little comebacks. For example, the lady at church, if someone says something like that again you could say, "I feel sorry for you for being so judgemental." Or, "It would seem like in a church of all places people would be understanding and supportive rather than judgemental." Good Luck.

Answer 2

It's true that toddlers are going to be loud. I had two under the age of five at one time. I know what it's like. But I talked to them about when they could be loud and when they couldn't. Children understand more than you realize. It worked some what. They were still loud sometimes but they calmed down when I said "remember what we talked about?"
I was a busy mother with a farm to keep and I work at a hospital.
I had a 2 year old and a 4 year old. They are now 6 and 8.
If someone thinks you're a single mother or you think they think that you're a single mother, flash that wedding band with pride.
Young is when you should have children. I waited till my 30's to have my kids. Just keep talking to your baby, telling her/him when it's ok to be loud and when it's not ok.

Good luck

Answer 3

I can relate.I have 2 boys and they are Full-On.My eldest, now 6 was a horror of a child and I would often get stares and comments about his behaviour when I took him out. People would say 'Gee, he's full of life' or 'He must keep you busy' with a look on their face that said 'What a horrible child'. I never thought he was that bad and at the end of the day, he's my baby and I love him no matter how he behaves. People who comment on your child's behaviour should be slapped! You'll find that most people that comment are from the 1950/60's generation and those who aren't parents.My advice..love your kids as they are(they have their own personalities) and tell anyone who has something bad to say about your child to get a life and tell someone who gives a ****. As long as you know that you're a good mother....don't worry about the comments made by strangers. They mean absolutely nothing!

Answer 4

I have been through this situation. My daughter was a well behaved little girl. Because I divorced when she was 18 months, people would judge me and her based on the fact that her father was not present.

I worked my way through university and even then people would make crude comments like" well, she seems to be okay given that she comes from a single parent household". I wanted to shake these people and tell them to look at their children. They were usually the ones that misbehaved.

Today, my child is in university and models. We have lived in several countries because my job took me there. The people who critiqued my child and I...well their children were teenagers when they had babies. Now what do they think of that?
I wish their children well. It is a difficult job.

You are a strong woman with a loving husband. Don't let other people's short comings and bias get to you. You are doing a great job!

Answer 5

I saw my wife REALLY lean into a woman once at an appliance store, my little guy was 2 yrs old, he ran over to a baby in a stroller and looked at him, the grandmother scolded my little guy, and said "GET AWAY FROM THIS BABY RIGHT NOW" ! My wife's Radar kicked "ON" and she walked 3 steps to get my little guy, The woman said, "This is a VERY expensive hand made blanket, and I don't want your son near the baby or it", My wife turned and said "He's only two years old, give him a break, will ya ? You were two years old once but, It must be hard to remember 100 years ago. isn't it" ?..... When I'm on line, or someplace where there is a baby screaming, I usually turn and say to the mother "Might I suggest singing lesson's, that kid has some set of lungs"... or....... "Why I NEVER did that as a child, I was a perfect baby"...... Either one gets a laugh from the mother. WE ALL acted like children, when we were children, some of us (such as myself) remaine as children, ya know, I would'nt want it any other way !

Answer 6

Im the mother of a toddler too. Do these people expect you to gag your child and tie them up. That would cause enough talk. You cannot keep a toddler quiet no matter what you do. Just ignore these idiots they are totally sad. They have the problem not you. Keep up your good work at least your getting on with your life.

Answer 7

Great JOB MOM!!!Church thats like an unheard of place for moms anymore.So what if your daughter is a little loud.Your in church with her not out runing around.Your her mom and the world will have opinions about your daughter her whole life.You show her it's alright to be her little self no matter what others think.Mabe she'll grow up voiceing her opinion and strong enough to bring her own kids to church with or with out her husband.This is the time to be cherishing every memory you can relax at the end of the day it's you and your baby girl no one else matters.

Answer 8

Well, before my wife and I had a child I would hear such a child and I would wonder why the parents brought their loud children out in public. I felt that from the time your child is born until that child can control their voices, you should keep them home.
I can honestly say that I still feel this way. Don't take your child to the movies, a funeral, or any other quiet place until you can control them and their mouths.

Bear in mind that I say this being a proud father and I intend to follow my own rules.

Answer 9

I would have to say, going over your past questions and answers, I can see why your husband is out of town for work so much!!
You love to slander people, (which I have reported). And what comes around goes around. Kids learn by example. Set one.
If you think you are to young, You probably are!
And yes, Im a mom of four, and cant say I've heard any of those comments!

Answer 10

I'm with nimo on this one. The sheer fact that you are a parent will always invite some nimrod to give you their two cents on how you should or should not be rearing your child. I could handle the armchair criticism if I got a compliment once in awhile, but that never happens. It is far easier for someone to cut you down than reinforce your good work. Chin up, it only gets worse.