Their mom hurt them while I was there babysitting because they wouldn't sleep. What do I do now?

Question

I babysit 3 year old triplets. I knew when I signed on that they use spanking as discipline, but I wasn't sure how often, what they use etc. Just last night the mom was there with me and they wouldn't go to sleep. The lights in the room were off so I don't know what she did exactly, just that they started screaming and crying, then she yelled at them to shut up and stop crying, just to go to sleep. I was in the room at first and then I stood outside until she asked me to come in and lay with one of them who was being quiet.

Was she just frustrated and lost a little control? Or is this something that might happen often so I should call someone?
I don't know if I should go back again or what. Please give me some answers! Anything would be appreciated.

I am not PLANNING on calling someone, just asking if you think I should.
Second, they were not small smacks, I heard them. But since I'm not a parent I don't know what kind of contact is acceptable vs. unacceptable when it comes to discipline.

I plan on going back because the kids are sweethearts, but its impossible to watch them alone because it leaves me powerless with them. They don't use timeouts, just smacks, and I would never hit someone else's child. So when they misbehave I can't do anything about it.

Answer 1

Wow, from some of these replies I'm thinking that about 90% of the country's population needs to have their kids taken from their custody by CPS! Where will they find enough perfect, non-spanking parents to adequately care for the multitudes of abused children? How will the case workers handle the workload when it increases exponentially? How many children who are *actually* in danger will slip through the cracks then???

Jeez. I don't even spank my kids and I'm offended by all of this holier-than-thou attitude.

I would look for physical signs of abuse, and if none are visible, and you are uncomfortable continuing to work for this woman (I might be, actually-- always wondering and worrying if she's just a spanker, or a full-fledged abuser), then you will need to make the decision of whether to quit or not. But without proof that the children are being truly harmed, or in danger of it, I would not report this mom. If anything, she probably needs to attend a parenting class, or moms of multiples group or something so she can get some better coping tips from other moms who have BTDT.

Answer 2

I am all for a little spank every now and then, but not making the kids to scream like that, or for not going to sleep. How many kids are there that will actually go to sleep when they are supposed to?? Not very many. It does not matter if she was frustrated or lost a little control, she should realize she is a mother now, those are her kids, she is the one who raises them and who teaches them, if anything it is her fault for not handling the situation the right way. Honestly.... I would tell someone. Especially if you witness something like that again. And did one of the kids ask you to lay with them? OR did the mom want you to? If one of the kids asked you to then maybe it is more than spanking, the child could feel frightened and insecure with the mother and the child feels protected with you. I would try to study more of how the children act around the mother also. Are they scared? Do they run away from her etc...
ALSO, it could've just been a small spanking and not a hitting, since sometimes kids like to overexaggerate. I would just seriously look into it more and watch them. If you really feel the need to tell someone, then by all means do it, the gut feeling almost always is right! Goodluck

Answer 3

What do you mean, "when they misbehave I can't do anything about it"? Are you the person in charge, or are they? You have to establish a sense of responsibility and command respect. Young children learn VERY quickly what they can get away with with whom, and will take advantage of a person who appears to have no control. If you expect them to act a certain way, and they choose to act differently- then you have to show them how you want them to behave. "I don't like it when you hit me. You may not hit. I want you to touch softly, like this". etc. Just because you can't use "smacks" to punish a child (this is NOT discipline) doesn't mean you are powerless in the hands of a child! I have been a preschool teacher for 14 years, and have never had to use "smacks" to get children to behave (nor would it be appropriate). You have to know how to gain respect and control of a group of children, because they will gang up on you. : ) On your first issue- the parent: could have been that she had a horrid day and just blew it, but I'd err on the side of caution. Experience has taught me that what parents do in front of guests (as you are in their house, or when out in public) is only a fraction of what goes on when the family is alone. If you could hear the smack from outside the room, it was too hard and mom had lost control. She needs to learn some breathing techniques and give herself a time-out before she deals with those children. In this case, your best bet is modeling appropriate behavior with the children, and contacting an agency such as child protective services to help the mom. CPS does not only "take children from their families"- they offer support services such as anger management classes and parenting classes to the parents to help them be more effective parents. After all, that is what we want to happen- the family to work well together. If you are a certified babysitter or have taken classes in ECE, you are a mandated reporter of child abuse, and if you do not report such incidents, you can be subjected to fines or jail. Just because a parent uses spanking as their "discipline" technique (which is never effective in the long run- it is punishment for the short term) doesn't mean that it is an accepted form of raising children. I'm sure that having 3 year old triplets is frustrating and tiring- I'm not discounting mom's job- she has a tough one. But, she needs to find other ways of getting her children to do what it is that she wants them to without abusing them. If teachers the world over can manage a class of 12 two-year-olds without spanking them, then so can a mom of three. She needs some help from parenting classes to help her manage her children better. Do her and those kids a favor, and call CPS.

Answer 4

If you don't know the full situation and only heard the kids crying I think that it would be a little mean to report someone. If she did give her kids a smack and you didn't see it you wouldn't know the reason why or how hard she hit them. I was smacked as a child if I took something too far but I certainly don't think that I was abused. I wouldn't start causing problems and getting children taken away from their families unless I knew all the factors and saw exactly what happened.

Answer 5

If the kids are otherwise happy & well adjusted, then mind your own business.

If you can't deal with the parent's method of discipline, the don't go back. But frankly, a spanking is no big deal. If all it was was a spanking, and you call in DSS, the kids will learn that all they have to do is threaten to pick up the phone and Mommy and Daddy will give in.

Unless you feel that these kids are being abused, then I'd say mind your own business.

Answer 6

Some people spank emotionally. I dont' agree. Spanking itself is not a tecnique I perfer... but it is not bad in and of itself. It is the attitude with it. Kinda like using a big on a horse. Do you use the bit to guide the horse or to hurt it to 'make a point'. Punishment our of emotion can often turn into abuse without the parent noticing it. I would not go back if I was you. I dont' htink I could witness that

Answer 7

Anyone who spanks children should see Dr. Phil. It is never a good thing when an adult has to spank a child. It doesn't WORK to spank your children to get them to understand what it is you want them to do. Talking is the best thing to help them to understand why and because questions in there little minds. They are learning and words are learning, spanking is just down right the worst thing to do. If you think this is a bad situation for the children it is better be safe then sorry.

Answer 8

You know sometimes even if Mom only gave the kids a little spank they act like you have killed them. So she may have only given them a little tap. Kids usually dont settle down quickly if they have received a bad spanking. It doesnt sound to me like she did anything wrong its just not what you are used to. As for you working for them that is up to you but it doesnt sound like she did anything so bad.

Answer 9

You should do something those baby's do not deserve to be treated that way. I don't care if its once or a thousand things. Definitely look into it, even if it means asking them how many times does mommy spank you, some questions like that. Then i would check their body for and scars, bruises, burns, any marks that would suggest possible abuse. Then i would contact the police department and CPS. Your doing the right thing for those children please don't turn your back on them you might be their only chance. Good Luck.

Answer 10

I would say something to the mother, I personally think that by spanking them in there beds will make them not want to go to sleep. It will make them scared of sleeping.. What i would do is tell them that when they wake up we will do sumthing fun,like go to the park,or outside. Im sorry im against punnishing kids to their rooms cause they will be afriad of thier room. There room are for playing and sleeping.