How do i get over an ex even though i found someone new and better?

Question

How do i get over an ex even though i found someone new and better?
I broke up with my ex b.c be kept breaking promises that he wont' talk to his ex anymore. HE claims it was nothing but even though i told him it HURTS me he still did it thinking i won't find out. But this happened like 5 or 6 times already. moreover i always felt like i was in the back seat in the relationship not 1st priority or ever 2nd or 3rd. hiss mom doesn't like me b.c she see's my family as "less than". He is a mama's boy. i finally threw in the towel and gave him the ultimatium. I now am dating a guy who is soo thoughtful and puts me 1st. even though i KNOW this guy is soo much better. i still think of my ex when the new guy is holding me in his arms. I was with my ex for 3 yrs. this new guy .. still dating for 3 months. If i had one wish, i would LOVe to work things out with my ex. my feelings for this new guy is NOT as strong as want it to be. what should i do??

Answer 1

Its interesting, maybe you don't see it yet but -- you are doing essentially the same thing you're accusing your ex of -- obsessing over a past relationship. Hows that for irony?

But seriously, human beings cannot simply forget about past people in their lives. It is possible that your expectations of him in this area were somewhat unrealistic. You could have considered discussing some boundaries with him that you could both agree to.

Admit that you loved your ex but that you made a decision to leave him based on very important criteria. Maybe you did not give yourself enough time to get over the relationship before jumping into a new one; now you see that you are still somewhat obsessed with him and unwilling to truly let go of him.

So you naturally feel conflicted now. Honestly, the best thing for you to do is get out of both relationships, and stand on your own two feet for awhile. Talk with both occasionally and see which person treats you with the most respect and honesty.

And if you can't imagine doing this, then take it as a sign you really, really need to do some of your own grief work, and possibly talk to a counselor about codependency issues.

Answer 2

I've been there. It's hard to let go. but it sounds like your ex was no good for you. it's been my experience, that when a guy is still talking to his ex after that long, they are probably doing more than talking. if you were not #1, then you may have been 2nd to her. I know that hurts, but it's a likely possibility. if things with this new guy are good, then stick with it. it will get easier, and trust me, you will enjoy feeling important to someone worthy way more than being on the back burner with a someone you deeply care about. that's what hurts the most... As the time goes by, you'll begin to appreciate this guy much more...and that will make you feel sooo much more secure in the relationship you are in.

Answer 3

Remind yourself why you left your ex. Don't use your new bf as a replacement or comparison, they will never be the same. Let this new one have a chance. It's not fair to him that you think of your ex when you're with him, I mean come on how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot? I just came out of a 2 1/2 year relationship, I know. Take it day by day...that's all you can do.

Answer 4

I feel tottaly the same way I left my ex and I am now with a new guy I keep thinking of my ex we're best friends now but he stopped talking to me...but anyways do something to stop thinking of your ex like I dunno....KISS THE NEW GUY!

Answer 5

I still feel the same way about my ex from many years ago if you get the right answer let me know!!!!

Answer 6

it sounds to me like you are kind of in a relationship withdrawel type situation. you are too used to being with your ex, && you're not yet used to the changes. you && your ex were probably a good thing, but when it ended you couldn't handle it. i don't think it's because you still love him anymore, but because you haven't adapted yet.

Answer 7

you should not date till you know that you are fully over the ex. NOT fair to the new guy

Answer 8

maybe somethign symbolic like writing his name on a helium balloon and letting it go, or something, maybe that will help. or write a letter to him, saying everything you need to say and/or feel and burn it. whatever helps.