WHO'S THE FUNNIESt?

Question

I need a good laugh, I mean GOOD laugh, whoever has the funniest story gets the points.

c'mon nothing stupid for 2 points when you could put something really funny and possibly get 10 points.

ok so the test starts now!

go comedians! go!

Answer 1

Teacher:- "Right, there are five birds sitting on a telephone line. A farmer comes along with his gun and shoots one of them. How many are left?"

Little Johnny:- "None Miss".

Teacher:- "Could you tell me why?"

Little Johnny:- "Well Miss, when the farmer shot the bird, the sound of the gun would have frightened the other birds away".

Teacher:- "Well, the answer I was looking for was four. But I like your thinking."

Little Johnny:- "Miss, while we're asking questions, could I ask you one?"

Teacher:- "Its a bit irregular, but go on then"

Little Johnny:- "There are three women sitting on a bench in the park, eating ice lollies. One of them is licking the lolly; one is biting it; and one is putting it in and out of her mouth. Which one is married?"

Teacher (rather embarrassed):- "Err... I suppose it was the last one."

Little Johnny:- "Well I'd have said the one with the wedding ring. But I like the way you think."

Answer 2

One day an employee sends a letter to
his boss asking
for an increase in his salary!!!



Dear Bo$$

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing
mo$t
de$perately. I think you $hould be
under$tanding of
the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given
$o much $upport
including $weat and $ervice to your
company. I am $ure
you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond
$oon.



Your$ $incerely,
Norman $oh


The next day, the employee received
this letter of
reply:


Dear NOrman,

I kNOw you have been working very
hard. NOwadays,
NOthing much has changed. You must
have NOticed that
our company is NOt doing NOticeably
well as yet.

NOw the newspaper are saying the
world`s leading
ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United
States may go
into aNOther recession. After the
NOvember
presidential elections things may turn
bad.
I have NOthing more to add NOw. You
kNOw what I mean.


Yours truly,


Manager

Answer 3

A doctor was clocked doing 55 in a 35 through an underpass and a cop pulls him over and asked him where the fire was. The doctor spoke up and said " I'm late for an operation". "And what operation is that", said the cop. "I have to stretch an a**hole to 6 feet", said the doctor. " Oh yeah,and how do you stretch an a**hole to 6 feet? "Well, the doctor said, we have to shape and mold it first." And what exactly do you do with a 6 foot a**hole when you are done with it", asked the cop. And the doctor spoke up and said, " We give him a radar gun and stick him back under the underpass".

Answer 4

a fat guy, a millionare, and a gay guy were all in heaven and god sed ill let you all go back to earth if u the fat guy dont eat nething unhealthy ever again and u millionare never touch money again and u gay guy nvr have sex with a guy again, if ne of u disobey then ull go strait to hell so they all agreed, they all agreed to stay together so they could remind each other of the rules placed upon them, one day they were walking down a street and walked by a lil debbie store the fat guy resisted as much as he could but even after persuasion he ran in and started eating then right away he was sent to hell. then another day the gay guy and the millionare were taking a walk and they saw a $100 bill on the sidewalk the gay guy sed dont touch just keep walking but the millionare couldn't resist so he bent over and they both went to hell.

Answer 5

this is a true story. my son was in kindergarten at the Halloween party dressed as a cowboy and his teacher said "you sure are cute what are you supposed t be" and my son replied "I a horses a**" without missing a beat. My husband had played with my son right before school and was playfully calling him a horses a**. I got the Phone call and the talk and my husband no longer says things to our son in that manner any more.

Answer 6

so one day three guys were in the jungle. but then they came across a group of cannibals. so the cannibals kidnapped them and brought them to their kingdom. The king said," I will not kill you, if only if you bring back fruit to me." The three guys, without asking questions, searched for fruit.

So the first guy brings back 5 apples. He says, "okay king, now what shall I do?" The king said, "You have to stick them up your butt. But you cannot make any noises or facial expressions." The guy obeyed him. So he stuck one apple up, but he couldn't take the pain no more, so he said ow! and was killed.

The next guy came with 10 cherries. The king told him what he should do. The guy did so and was on his 9th cherry, until he started bursting out with laughter. He was killed.

The two guys met in heaven. The first guy asked "how come you laughed? You almost made it!" Then the second guy said, "because i saw the third guy coming with pineapples."

Answer 7

Farting All The Time
Doctor, "What seems to be the problem?"

Patient, "Doc, I've got the farts. I mean I fart all the time,"

The Doctor nods, "Hmm."

Patient, "My farts do not stink and you can't hear them. It's just that I fart all the time. Look, we've been talking here for about 10 minutes and I've farted five times. You didn't hear them and you don't smell them, do you?"
"Hmm," says the Doctor,

He picks up his pad and writes out a prescription.

The patient is thrilled "Great doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?"

"No," sighs the Doctor, "The prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test."


Hope you laughed i did..

Answer 8

Two cupcakes were baking in an oven. The first cupcake says to the other, "Gosh, it's HOT in here!" The second one turns and says, "Oho My God! A Talking Cupcake!"

Answer 9

Scientists have invented a new camera which is very very fast can take photo when a woman mouth is closed.

Answer 10

My girlfriend broke up with me because when I got new glasses I started seeing other people!

Did you hear about the two gay Irishmen?...Michael Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzmichael?

The other day spilled spot remover on my dog....now I can't find him anywhere!