I have been cold, numb and emotionless for the past year and a half. Do I have a personality disorder?

Question

For the past almost two years I have seen myself going from slightly careless, to having very little empathy for other's problems, but now I'm to the point where I'm almost completely emotionless. It used to be just cynicism, which is reasonable, figuring the state of our world, but within the past few months I've quickly sunken deeper. I had 2 uncles die, one of which I was close to, but at the funeral I didn't cry, I barely even felt sad. I didn't feel anger or resentment either, almost like nothing had even happened. Recently I've been trying to feel, but I end up just feeling stupid for wanting to feel those painful emotions. I didn't think it was noticable to others until last week a friend told me, straight up, that I was cold and heartless after saying some snide remark about this girl whose mother has cancer. I used to be a cocaine addict, until getting clean a few months ago. Might strong drug use at such a young age be affecting my emotions, like meth does to it's users?

I forgor to mention I have been diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, this question was more or less to see if others thought that evaluation was a good one, or whether they think I have one at all or if I'm just an ***-hole.

Answer 1

Stop being cynical, and actually soak in your environments. care about something. take up a hobby. stop making fun of things and appriciate and help. drugs make you jaded

Answer 2

First I'd like to say that I think many people experience this lack of feeling from time to time. I believe that this emotionless state MAY be a protection against feeling the pain of trauma. It may also be that some people grow up in an atmosphere where emotions are squashed for different reasons - considered weak, don't understand them, etc. It COULD be that you are finally in an emotional place that is strong enough, or just ready to face the emotions connected with the past trauma that you mention. If this is the case, I consider this a good, not a bad thing. It means that it's time to heal and you are no longer afraid to go through the healing process. It's also possible that you could be having a spurt of emotional growth. Emotional growth is how we truly GROW UP on the inside. It's not just reaching a certain age or mental capability. Once you go through this current period of growth, you might want to explore further why this comes in mood changes that appear randomly spread out. It's possible that you may have other issues that were never addressed and that you learned this behavior as a way to cope with your issues. I'm not saying that I think that's the answer. It's just a thought I had, that only YOU can answer. I would like to suggest that if you are dealing with grief, or that you think that's what this is, that you seek out a grief counselor to help you through this period in your life. They should be able to determine what, if any, help you need right now. If you think you have other issues to address, you can seek out a professional (psychologist/psychiatrist) to help with those issues. The best of luck to you in your search for answers. Hope this helps you.

Answer 3

Well first of all don't listen to anyone who tries to agree or disagree with the diagnosis of Narcissitic Personality Disorder based solely on this one question. Whoever came up with that diagnosis did so only after an extensive evaluation. If you have a problem with the diagnosis go ahead and talk it out with the person who diagnosed you.

As for the recent events you're talking about... Feeling cold, numb, and emotionless for only a few months can possibly be dissociation, which can happen if something really painful happens and your brain/body just doesn't want to deal with it.

However, since you are in early recovery from cocaine addiction you could be experiencing dissociation because of being out of practice with coping with emotion. People with an addiction, any addiction, use that addiction to deal with all the bad stuff they don't want to deal with. Once that active addiction is removed the struggle is to find new ways of dealing with emotions. You might be dissociating from ANY emotion just because it's been so long since you've had to deal with real emotion without the crutch of cocatine.

If you're not attending NA meetings at the moment I strongly encourage you to. You might also want to consider getting some therapeutic support from an addictions counselor. These resources can be very useful in helping you to build up a toolbox of healthy ways of dealing with emotion without cocaine.

Answer 4

It depends on whats happened before, sometimes life can be so tough that you "switch" off for want of a better way to explain it your emotions... I have been existing like this for the last 8 years. According to my Dr and counselor its natures way of helping you cope when you cant so maybe you should seek out the assistance of a good therapist and go from there...its hard living long term in a vacuum and I would wish it on anyone.

Answer 5

Sounds like depression to me. Depression has many different symptoms and you are describing one of them. Get a hold of your doctor and tell him how you are feeling. Could be you need some help. Good luck! By, the way congratulations on quitting the drugs!

Answer 6

For once, stop thinking about your emotions or yourself. Think of your friends or acquaintances who have problems, or ailments. Pay them a visit or a telephone call. You will feel joy and peace. Try going to a chrisatian fellowship even if you are not a christian. Give positive comments only. Avoid negative or sarcastic remarks.

Answer 7

You have problems, no doubt about it. And I say that to be truthful, not mean. I too suffer from similar problems. I suggest seeking counseling. Psychiatrists will only want to put you on medication, and since you used to be an addict, that isn't probably a good route to take.

Answer 8

You know? I dont think that you are cold or emotionless, I truly believe that after being addicted to cocaine that you probably saw some things that left you a little unhappy with the world, well the world you were living in. To have two uncles pass away is sad, but dont feel bad that you didnt cry, I didnt cry when my father died. I wondered why, and it did cross my mind that I was cold, because I cried so much when my daughter died and my best friends died. I ended up crying for my father, but it took some time for me to sort out my feelings.

It is hard to switch from a person that has to hide all of their feelings, lie to everyone all the time, steal or do things to get the drugs, and are stoned with a drug that makes you anti social in so many ways... to a warm, kind, giving, honest, happy person. It takes time to turn it around. I wouldnt let what your friend said make you sad or mad, or even wonder... We are so bombarded with bad news from TV, radio, magazines and stuff, that until we turn it all off and realize that they are trying to make it sound worse to depress or scare us, because.... when people get scared or depressed... then buy alcohol, drugs, go to drs., go on diets, take vacations and such... when they are scared? they install security systems, guns, bigger homes because they feel they need to stay home more, and want better tvs, media rooms, kitches to cook gourmet food and on and on... so I would stop watching the news, and begin to make your world the beautiful and happy place you want for yourself. All of the emotions that you rammed down with drug use wont come flowing out of you, like with meth, but you may feel sensitive, but hey, nobody knows what to say when they hear of someone they dont know has cancer, because these days more and more people are living, and what would she have had you say?? Did she want you to burst into tears? Who knows... Just give yourself a big break, and dont beleive the news about how bad this is or that is, dont believe that if you go to school there or drive this or have that it will make you happy, only you can decide what you are going to be. You can choose to be happy or to be sad, mad or negative..l or you can ignore all of the bad news, negative people and pitiful music, you can stop watching the shows where people are spending stupid amounts of money on stuff to get attention, or rub it in to peoples lives that cant afford that kind of stuff, (I think those people are idiots, I would never spend that much money on purses, shoes, clothes or cars or anything that is going to be out of style in six months or a year, It is a group of jerks in NY sitting around in a dumpy loft deciding what is going to be "hot" this season and seeing how much money they can get out of people, but first they have to make them feel bad about themselves so that they can "reward" themselves or "makeover" themselves or "retail therapy", keeping up with the Jones and they count on our insecurities and our desire to be attractive, an individual and successful, however, sometimes the people all end up looking bad, and all the same.. Be smart, be proud of who you are, dont fall for the BS, wear what you want, look how you feel best and only do things that will make you truly happy. Remember that doing something for others always makes a human being feel better than when they do something for themselves.. I suggest starting off getting all of your old magazines, puzzels and games for adults and take them to a retirement home, nursing home, Organize your life, put clothes you no longer wear but are in good condition at a consignment store, visit the childrens hospital, call first and see if there is any child without a family that is very sick and could use a cheery visitor, with balloons, or a teddy bear, they will be so happy, and it will make you feel great. One last thing... dont feel guilty, it doesnt change things, just be happy that you have stopped doing bad things to yourself, surround your self with pretty stuff, nice people, happy people and leave the crap to the dumb people in debt up to their ears so that they can look cool.... hang in there, you may want to visit a group so you can talk out some of the emotions you are having.. good luck

Answer 9

You may have depression. Try going to visit a doctor and they will be able to set you up with medications, therapists or other alternatives to help you get out of this slump. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 10

it sounds to me like you need to seek professional help. obviously, the drugs messed you up, but you also need to see a professional that will help you GRIEVE for what you've lost. a professional will know how to open you up, and make you vulnerable again, so that you can face your fears of the pain, and deal with it head-on. that is the best way to overcome your problems, and let your emotions lose. they are obviously locked up inside of you, and a professional, will bring them to the surface for you.

Answer 11

It seems as though your heart has hardened and you need to make things right with God. I know that you stopped the drugs but have you changed your heart?