My 8-year-old is out of control!!!!Help!!?

Question

I have two daughters,one is a well-behaved teenager(karen) and the other is a wild third grader(carrie) who rules the house. She is very agressive toward her older sister. She completely refuses to going to her own room and is constantly aggravating and pushing all over my oldest daughters buttons. Even though Karen does her best to tolerate Carrie she is at that age to where she could use some alone time. Carrie also lies to me no matter if I stand there and watch her do it she still denies it. She watches a lot of tv, mostly disney channel, which she often imitates. She doesn't like to wash her hands and she puts everything in her mouth. I try hard to stand my ground when I tell her what the consequences of her actions will be but she doesn't give up so its much easier to give in. I am stressed out anyway with my job, all my husband's hospital bills, and doing everything else I do by myself. Plus Carrie feels the need to make everything so difficult. PLEASE HELP ME!!

She thinks spankings are funny and she looks at you with this smirk and says "that didn't hurt" you can then do it harder and still no results. I'm at my wits end!

Answer 1

It's time your take back your home. You need to introduce your hand to her bare bottom. I am not saying you should give her a spanking for everything she does, however put a choice on the table. IT'S "I need you to do _____, is that understood?" If you get a NO! Then say "Your actions mean that your choosing to get a spanking first before you do what I ask, is this your choice?" If she refuses, FOLLOW THROUGH!!!! Make the spanking a memorable one, pants down over the lap. If for some reason you find this hard, have her father do it. If for some reason, he is not around, come on mom, it's time to toughen up. Don't feel bad for her, she made the choice. Once you get the initial talking back and lying under control, you need to tighten up even more. Write out a "Core Rules" list. That should say something like. NO LYING, NO HITTING, NO DIRECTLY DISOBEYING MOM AND DAD...........Anything else you want to add. If these rules are broken, the only consequence is a spanking. This is how my home operates, and i can tell you, i haven't spanked my oldest daughters for breaking our Core Rules, in years. Once a child understands a certain behavior won't be tolerated anymore, they no longer see it as a option. Then and only then can you loosen up a bit. Until then, IT'S MILITARY MOM!!
Feel free to email me should you wish
GOOD LUCK

Answer 2

1. Set up some boundaries and follow through. Post the rule and the consequences for breaking the rule on the wall. If you don't follow through, you are wasting your time even making rules, because even adults don't follow rules they don't feel like following if there are no consequences. (And from the sounds of things, one of the first privileges she would lose if she were my daughter is the loss of the Disney channel)

2. Sounds like she is reacting to your husband's illness and your stress. She may need some loving attention. Try spending some good quality time with just her. Take her to a movie, do something she enjoys with her.

3. Give rewards for good behavior.

4. Give yourself some time out! When you take care of yourself, you will feel equipped to handle your daughters. When will you find time? The dishes can wait, someone can babysit, don't worry about the laundry for one afternoon. Prioritize 30 minutes of you time every evening, or a couple hours every Saturday. It can be done.

5. If none of these things help, see a family therapist.
Good luck to you!

Answer 3

If this child is so willful and disrespectful, and receives little or no negative consequences for it, why should she even consider changing her behavior? Your job as the parent is to BE the parent. Set precise rules: No entering sister's room without permission, no taunting, obey parental directions. Set precise consequences: No TV for two days, extra chore, time alone with no entertainment. Be consistent. EVERY time she begins to misbehave, grant her ONE warning. "If you do X again, Y will happen." She WILL test your newfound resolve. Expect it. Don't let it get you angry; you need to show her that her behavior doesn't push your buttons any more. You have a plan, and you're sticking to it. When she repeats X, there you are with Y.

She is wild now because children crave limits and consistency, and without any in her life up til now, she pushes and pushes at the limits, subconsciously searching for that point where something/someone will push back and provide that structure. You will find that, with consistent rules and consequences, in time she will be a different child. Not necessarily compliant, but not the same willful, rebellious girl you describe today. She has been this way for years by now, though, so don't expect miracles overnight. It will take time to undo the habits she has been allowed to indulge, and to convince her that you are not going to give in eventually as you often have in the past.

It sounds like your family has had a rough time of it, but don't let that be your excuse for allowing her to be in control of your lives. For her sake, and your entire family's, take back that responsibility into its rightful hands-- the parents'.

Answer 4

although i might be a 15 yrs old teen but i have loads of experience as i have 2 bros and 2 sis and of which 3 are small (2 bro 1 sis ) ages 6 , 7 , 9 . and i sure know how it feels to have them menacing around .i think the real cause of this is tht nowadays in schools teachers are a bit too easy on kids and tht causes them to be naughty, and some cartoons also .however my mon keeps things under control by making it claear in their minds tht she (my mom) is the boss of the house not them . to do this whenever u see u're 8 yrs old daughter doing something which u dont like or is not good for her or some1 else just explain to her the dangers and/or reasons for not doing tht particular thing . furthermore if she still repeats then u could maybe scold or perhaps spank or *punish her (by sending to bed early ) * - best one .As for her running around the house and all tht explain to her tht the building manager or someone will come and take her away - something which will make her think twice b4 doing tht thing again . by the way my mom deals with the bills and housework by taking my help and sometimes the kids help too , so u cud
ask ur elder daughter to lend u a hand at times ? plz dont mind my formal english itz kind of stupid .

Answer 5

Carrie is crying out for attention, and even though the results of her behavior are negative, it is still attention.
The first thing I would recommend is: make time to go to church..it is a positive thing for the whole family.
Set aside at least 30-45 minutes a day as your time with Carrie, and so something with her...don't watch t.v., do something interactive.
NOW: it will be hard to do, but whatever Carrie does that is negative....ignore her...yes, it's very hard, but, I'll bet you it will pay off.

Ignore all the bad, and as soon as she does something positive, make a big deal of what a good job she has done, and praise her, give her a reason to do good more often.
Soon, she will be used to doing good and things will get better. Get your older daughter in on this with you, and if your husband is able, get his help also.
I hope you'll make some positive progress.
There is an old saying, "The family that prays together, stays together."

Answer 6

Dear Pinkeagle

Your child is testing you like you have never been tested befor. Rule #1 you are the parent. Rule #2 you are wiser by years. Rule #3 never back down when it can effect the out come of your childs future or temperament. Rule #4 revert back to rule #1 and then give the child a smack. Sorry not nice but she needs to know who is the parent and who is the child. Remember they feel pressure and need to vent there fears and frustrations out. Take your kid out doors and let her experience life in its natural form. This will make her so tired that she will have to get sleep and leave the tv alone. Good luck my friend. Be firm and love your child.

Answer 7

As Wendy B suggests, perhaps you could find a good parenting advice site online. It sounds as if you might not have a great deal of spare cash for more medical expenses, but you could also approach your family doctor for a referral for some conselling or something similar. A good place to contact might also be her school.

If you are very busy, and it sounds as if your husband is quite ill, it might be that your daughter simply needs more attention, or if suffering from some other simple problem with her self-esteem and development. It would be best to address this as early as possible; the older she becomes, the harder it will be to deal with as she develops.

Em

Answer 8

All parents go through this with children. What is happening is mentioned in the Bible. She is being defiant because she needs correction. This is usually the only time to give physical correction to a child. Do not do this while angry but in love. If she is refusing to honor her word or lies, it shows she is not respecting your word! Any child doing right, deserves to be honored in it. A child in rebellion must be corrected and that correction enforced! Then she will believe your word, and will, eventually, stop lying to you. You don't keep your word in what you threaten, she thinks it is a lie from you! Don't threaten correction if you are not going to follow through. One more thing: Many children are being feed too much sugar or high glucose foods. This can make them more likely to be as she. Some parents found that LIMITING the sugar made a great difference. She may be buying junk at school, also! God bless. Earl

Answer 9

Do not give in. Stand your ground. If she deliberately defies you, give her a swat on the bottom. It will not hurt- it will make her know that you mean it. Tell her that her behavior wil not be tolerated. No TV, games, or computer. Anything that she finds fun, take away for a half a day. She is playing you like a fiddle- don't let her. When she lies to you, take away something. If she screams, tell her to go to her room and scream.

Answer 10

Super nanny and when all else fails try this.

1. State calmly what the child did wrong. Remember you are not 8 yrs old.
2. Paddle or punish the child.
3. Restate what the child did wrong, make them apologize, then say you forgive her, and then never bring it up again.

Repeat as neccessary.

Finally, get your children in a good Christian youth group at your local church. It works wonders for their teen years when they are really out of control.

If the child does it again,