Grandmas dying, moms takin hard, any suggestions?

Question

My grandmas got some sorta cancer and wont be living long, ive been sorta numb so far, but my mom is taking this hard. My grandma left taiwan when my mom was 9, and ever since, my mom hasnt spent as much time with my grandma as she would have liked. Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do? I feel really down every time i see her and it just breaks me down.

Answer 1

I feel for you, I just lost my grandma earlier this year, and my grandfatrher last part of last year... I still cry every time I think of them...(see i'm crying now) I do know that I feel better when my mom and I talk about them, or we look at pictures of them.... mostly I just know that they are in a better place, after watching them get old and suffer in pain the last few months, it put my loss in perspective, they were in pain and are not anymore, just that thought helps. Good Luck.

Answer 2

There is no easy answer when you are watching someone that you love dwindle away. You can tell your mom that your grandma will be in a better place when she passes. She will have no more pain and suffering. The missing never stops. But, time does make it easier to deal with. My grandmother has been gone for 24 years and I still miss her. But, I do have comfort in knowing that she is at peace now with God. I also know that some day I will get to see her again. That is something you can also share with your mom. Just knowing that I will be in Heaven someday with all my lost family and friends is a great comfort to me.

Answer 3

All she needs is some support...do things to help her. Talk about your grandmother (dead or alive she's still your grandmother).
It always helps to start out with funny stories that you remember or ask your Mom for some. Laughing may not seem right, but it really is..and talking is always good for letting things out.
Never forget the ones you love and make sure things go as smooth as possible. Don't make your Mom get you up for school, help around the house, take care of siblings...Is your Dad around ??? Make him help too..
Maybe just hold your Mom when she cries and cry with her...
It's not a bad thing for men to cry too...
Remember to tell your grandmother how much you love her and tell her goodbye, before it's too late...trust me, you won't forgive youself if you don't do it while she can hear you...(she knows shes dying and you won't be hurting her feelings...you'll be helping her...)
I'm sorry... [[[ ]]

Answer 4

I find it somewhat difficult to answer your question as it hits so close to my heart. My grandma died not long ago and it hit my mother really hard, I know that you just need to be there for your mother, she is going to really need you. Make sure that she spends as much time with her mother now before she goes and reassure her that you love her. Do things for her so she can spend more time with her mother. Like go to the grocery store. do the things that your mother usually does so she can visit with her mother that I think would be a good gift. And when the time comes and your grandmother goes than you can remind your mom of how great it was to spend time with her. That way she reflects on that instead of the time that she lost as a child.

Answer 5

You are all going through a grieving - each in his/her own way - even though your grandma is still living.

Dr. Marion Kubler-Ross codified the stages of grieving as follows:
1. Disbelief
2. Denial
3. Anger
4. Bargaining/Depression
5. Acceptance.

To the above I would add guilt.

When I am grieving, I will write down each above headings, and then write down what that means to me.
It helps so much to codify and validate the feelings.

You cannot really protect your Mom. But it's lovely that you want to. She needs to grieve in her way, and you do too.

Ask your Higher Power to be with you and protect, guide, warm, nurture, heal each of you.

All the best.

Answer 6

greetings...may i first start off by expressing my sorrow that you and your family are no doubt experiencing. unfortunately there are no handbooks to aid us during these most difficult times. it's not easy being caught up in all the mayhem that surrounds these types of situations, but here's alittle of what I've learned. when receiving bad news like your mom has, the minds first reaction is disbelief. then comes anger, denial, and so on. the best thing you can do for now is to just be there for your mom. no amount of words or actions can change the inevitable. but, your mom knowing she's got support and love around her, will help her come around, and to some degree help her to cope. i don't know of your religious status, but may i suggest seeking some advise from your local church. religious leaders by trade are usually degree'd in psychology. they can be very helpful in times need. when my mom was told of my grandma's fate some years ago, we too were faced with the undawting task of helping mom through it. we rallied around mom and her siblings and went through it together as a family. i do wish you the best of luck.

Answer 7

Talk about things with each other. My family has been ravaged by cancer and I've found that talking about it really helps alot. Reflect on the person and talk about memories of that person, learn all you can about them. It's sad and sometimes really hard but everyone has to go sometime, all be it too soon in some cases. If she has too much of a problem where you'd fear for her safety consult w/a doctor. I hope this helps you and know you're not the only one w/this problem. G.

Answer 8

Comfort your mom as best as you possibly can, death is one of the hardest parts of life. I would tell her to spend as much time with grandma before she passes. Cancer sucks it takes so many lives. It is not fare that life should end by an outside force that cant be changed completly by the person that is living with it.

Answer 9

When a person knows her mother or father is not going to get any better they begin grieving even before the person goes. Any time someone is dying or dies there is all kinds of guilt that loved ones feel for one reason or another.

It appears to me that your mother wasn't the one to make the choice regarding how much time she spent with her mother, so that's something to point out if I'm correct in my understanding of the situation.

Other than that, you have to just remember that your mother is a grown-up, and she'll find a way to deal with the grief in time; but, for now, its normal for her to be taking it hard. No matter how close we are to different people in our families, having a dying parent is like no other kind of loss. This particular type of loss is complicated and has so many issues tied in with it that people just have to find their way through it. Chances are, your mother is worried about how you are dealing with it as well.

Its a sad and awful time for both of you, and you just have to remember that being sad is normal, and you both will get through it and feel a little better in time. Crying is ok. Being numb is ok. Finding something to get your minds off it for a little while is ok.

Other than asking if she'd like to go somewhere that's pleasant to get her mind off things for a little while (as much as either of you can really get your mind off things), I don't think you can do much else other than try to be supportive.

Answer 10

Give your mom all the support you can give her, emotionally, and with your time. It will help her tremendously even if you don't see it, as she hurts to much to show it. I know, I am a mom with other major problems, and my son is their for me all the time. Allot of times he says he feels bad that he doesn't feel he is helping me, so what is the use. But I tell him without his support, I would just feel like dying. He is giving me the strength to at least keep my head above water. Otherwise I would drown So don't worry your efforts are really helping.