im a 25 y o lad who got raped by a guy at a young age , i hid from the world didnt want 2 leave my room didnt wanna sit in the lounge with my folks (i will just add it wasnt a family member), things reallty started going down hill after that at the age of 14 i stole hundreds from my folks makin my mum close this shop she use 2 have, turned to drugs then started doin gas an glue and become the most horribilist person ever i argued with my parent said loadsa stuff dont really wanna get into it, tried commitin suicide 5 times through my problems in the space of 5 years my folks aged 30 + years, the thing is ive grown up and changed in everyway possible aint done drugs in 6 years im a manager of somewhere, and become the best person ever but my parents dont know this person they know ive changed and grown up but i stil live in my room and im scared there gettin old an i dont know how to tell them i love them an thankyou and get to know them b4 its 2 late i want them to die proud of me
2007-02-17 13:55:39 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
a bit more sorry, because when im home i stay in my room have done it for years thats the only thing im use to i know my parents would do anythin to have me properly in there life like have t with them i aint had a propper home cooked meal except xmas for about 9 years because i never use to want to sit with them an eat i really wanna make up for lost time and make them the happiest and proudest parents ever i mean its hard for them aswell as they have never had me there either i just dunno how to do it i have never opened up to my folks ever which is the hard part of my situation i really wanna open up to them and live the final chapter of our lifes together happier then anyone could ever be i just need help cos like i said i just really dunno what to do and how to do it please if anyone has any advice could you tell me just so i can get to know my parents so hopefully when i have children i can sit there an tell them woderfull stories
2007-02-17 14:02:14 · update #1
All the other advice is very good, but I have something to add. If you decide to tell your parents what happened to you to explain your behavior over the past years, there is something you will need to do for them. You have had over 10 years to try to deal with what happened to you. You have had a chance to heal a little and try to move on. As a parent, something like this will be a shock and they will be grieving over what happened to you. Please give them time to go through the stages of just finding out this has happened.
2007-02-18 00:46:53 · answer #1 · answered by Deborah B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have made a start you know within your heart the wrong that you've done and no matter what you did in the past your parents still love you yes you have broken their heart but a mothers broken heart can and will be mended because no greater love is there than a mother and fathers love for their child as you will discover when you have kids of your own. Hows about starting slowly say maybe sitting with them for an hour some night and build it up a bit at a time I'm not saying go for it every night but do your best I'm sorry to say this but you do owe to them remember they love you and will never stop loving you do you best god is on your side use your inner strength you can do it
2007-02-18 02:46:07 · answer #2 · answered by weebobby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. What a brave person you are. xx I think you may need some counselling, to get that go through your doctor. No one can blame you for those times when you were that other person. I was ssimularilar but with drink through no fault of my own and now im totally different, like you. The main thing is that you have changed and that you saw the light at the end of the tunnel and are out the other side. Your parents might welcome counselling along side you as they maybe unsure of how to be with you after all this time. I think its a good opportunity to get to know each other again. To of 'put up with you ' all those years hon they must love you so much, don't you agree? Seek some help to start things off between you and your parents again. Bet it wouldn't take long to be relaxed and fine in each others company again. (You didn't say if they knew of what happened to you) Good luck my lovely i think everything will work out just fine as time goes on. xxxxx
2007-02-21 01:48:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you find it that hard to actually tell them face to face how you feel, write them a letter, that way you get to think about what you put and then at the end of the letter, if you feel it is too difficult, ask them to not mention it at all and ask that you all start again. Sometimes it can be really hard to tell the people closest to you how you feel. If you write it all down, I am sure they will appreciate that more than the situation you are in now. They sound like patient and understanding people and they have stuck by you all this time so I am sure they will respect you for trying to build bridges. Maybe then you can start to think about getting help with regards to how you feel about the events in your life. With your parents support, it will make it a little bit easier. Good Luck x
2007-02-19 23:23:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I admire you for changing your life alot of people on your situation just give in and take the easy way out but you didn't and for that you should be proud of yourself!
Your parents knowing you have changed is a good start but it wont be easy to change things, things never change over night you have to work at them and you have shown by changing your life so far that you can do this. Don't push it all at once, perhaps at first just start sitting with them for a while and having a cup of tea, even if its just for 20 mins or so try telling them about your day you say they don't know you and this is because you have shut them out, i do it myself its a defence mechanism to stop you being hurt any more. Just start off with a bit of chat about anything something on tv or in the papers, what you have been doing anything will do, nothing to heavy.
If there is anything they are interested in try getting a film about it and sit with them to watch it.
Basically just do it gradually, you never know in a few months you will be sitting together eating a meal you have made from them.
The main thing i think is that you shut them out(This is understandable) but now you have to open the door for them and let them come back in. I amsure they are proud of you already for how you have changed your life.
Good luck
2007-02-18 00:02:34 · answer #5 · answered by becky t 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have obviously grown into a wonderfull person and you should be very proud of yourself. At the same time you still need support weather you get that from your parents or elsewhere you do need it. If you cant approach them through fear of rejection write to them and tell them how you feel and what you have achieved. We all make mistakes one way or another but life is too short. Get help and all the very very best working things out with your mum and dad lots of love and well done
2007-02-18 09:11:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My heart goes out to you. You suffered the most awful ordeal
so its no wonder you hid yourself from the world. It was this
that made you gon on the spiral of theft and drugs etc.,
Your mom and dad will always love you. Thats what we
parents are like. They will always want the best for you.
SO PLEASE - be brave and let them know you love them.
Write a letter first. Tell them how sorry you are.Tell them that you have turned your life
around and that you care for them very much but there has
been so much sadness in you. Tell them that you need them.
Being a parent its hard when your children get older and you
have to let go of the apron strings a bit. YOU TELL THEM THAT
go see them and give them both a big hug. Once you start
talking to them and try to open up a bit more - they will
understand. They have got to give you a chance.. (I,m
sure they will) Please get back on here and let us now
how you get on.
2007-02-17 22:06:39 · answer #7 · answered by Minxy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
obviously i dont know the full story, only what you have written here... i can only assume you dont feel you can just come out and say how you feel.... so maybe the best way is to write a letter to them ... you have just told a bunch of strangers how you feel aboutn your life... so maybe writing is your best way...write a letter... leave it somewhere for them to find and go out for the day...when you come back sit with them....they will probably want to ask questions... you owe it to them to explain why you behaved the way you did as a teen and to show how grateful you are to them for not throwing you out or giving up on you like a lot of parents would have done.... if you reply with you dont want to write a letter or dont know how then i dont know what else to suggest....people on here can only suggest ideas we cant actually do that for you... pick up the courage and do it... i hope it all goes ok for you... good luck
2007-02-17 20:46:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did this go to court? Phone the rape crisis line, it is not too late to prosecute this person. No one has a right to mess your life up like this, take a deep breath, say to yourself 'I will not allow this scum to rule my well-being', and get on the phone. It will be very, very hard, but there are people to help you legally and emotionally, and it will be the first step out of your room.
There is a wonderful world outside, so many places to see, go and see them.
2007-02-17 22:36:15 · answer #9 · answered by Thia 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's a lot of good advise in the replies, mine would be that you must get back together with your parents. Once they die you will have missed that chance and you will never forgive yourself as long as you live. You will totally regret that you stayed in your room and did nothing.
2007-02-18 19:59:59 · answer #10 · answered by Angelfish 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋