I have a secret no one knows. Should i tell?

Question

I am really depressed. I just found out i am pregnant, and i believe in every woman should choose if she wants to have a baby or not.
I already have a 6 month old baby girl. after her i have been taking my birth controll pill everyday. and low and behold i am pregnant!
im depressed because i KNOW that my man does not want another baby. and he does not help with the one we got now. there is no way i can handel 2. i can barley handel one. and can barley afford the bills.
my man is living with us, and he pays mostly all the bills. but i know this is not going to work out.
none of my family knows. i cant tell them, they will be so dissipaonted in me. none of my friends know either. i just want someone to talk to. im scared my family will judge me!
should i just keep my secret?

Answer 1

If you are determined you will "take care" of the problem, perhaps it's best if you don't tell anyone, and spare yourself lectures on what's best for you.

Answer 2

I can understand how your situation would be very stressful.. with having another baby so soon after your first, and with your "man" not wanting another, that just makes it even harder, on all of you.

But...

I strongly suggest that you give the child a chance at life. Give him/her up for adoption if you really feel that your situation would not be best to raise another baby in. The child you are carrying has done nothing wrong, and definately deserves to live.

True, I am 100% against abortions, but aside from that.. as a Mother myself, I cannot even imagine denying a child's chance at life. Children are so very precious, and I cannot imagine my life without my son. I just don't believe that the answer to anyone's trouble is to kill an innocent child like that.

As you said, you were taking birth control.. but still became pregnant. I'm sure you are aware that while taking the Pill (I assume that's what you use) you still have a chance of getting pregnant (it's a lot more common than some people realize). I recommend going on the Depo shot, or possibly even having your tubes tied, if you don't want any more children.. after your child is born, of course.

You seem to feel that your current living environment (as well as your relationship) would not be a good place to raise a child.. It takes a lot to admit that you're not ready for another child, but trust me dear, abortion is not your only option. In my opinion, especially with you already being a Mother.. it shouldn't even almost be an option.. How would you explain that to your daughter one day?? It's just not right, and I am certain that it would be something you would always regret.

So please, if you've made your mind up about not keeping the baby.. at least give him/her up for adoption.

Answer 3

No. I believe that you should not keep it a secret. Speak to someone, your doctor. Ask for support from a family planning advisor. Discuss it with them. I am not against abortion I think women should have the choice. However, I have heard many stories of women deeply regretting abortions especially years down the line when their circumstances have changed.

Imagine if someone lost their only child and it was too late for the to naturally conceive again. Talk it through and don't keep the secret bottled up inside you. It will make you ill.

Be strong and assertive. Keep the secret until you have talked it over with a professional advisor. You may want to confide in a close friend also. When you have made your decision then tell your partner. He should have a right to know if he has created a new being, even if it is still in the womb.

Whatever your decision I hope things go well. Stay calm and positive. It is not the end of the world. However bad you think it is there is always someone who is in a worse state.

Remember many women would gladly give their right arm to be pregnant. (I am male 33).

Good luck.

Answer 4

I think this secret is eating you up. Why will your family be disappointment? If you took your pills everyday without skipping them you obviously thought you where protected. If you are planning on having an abortion then you don't need to tell anyone, if you give the baby up for adoption there is a good chance someone will see you pregnant and yo would still need to make arrangements for your daughter when you give birth........either option you should talk to at least a councilor because its alot for a person to handle. Try to give yourself a break, you sound like you are pretty hard on yourself. See if you can at least find an online support group or chat room for people that are dealing or have dealt with similar issues that you are facing. Sometimes it helps to talk to people that have been through what you are now facing. Good luck

Answer 5

That's a tough one. I have been through this situation personally so I know exactly what you are going through.....no wait I am the guy so I don't know exactly but I can offer a guys perspective.
The answer sadly is that from the sounds of it you are better off to terminate the pregnancy.
You would be heart broken to give it up for adoption and you are not in a position to have a 2nd child. Unfortunately your man doesn't sound like a man. A true man would stand behind you 100%, so for that he's a world class looser.
You need to think long and hard about what is worst and what you can live with.
The girl that I got pregnant I supported her 100% as she too had a child already and she and I were not in the best position to have a 2nd baby. So we terminated the pregnancy. She and I remain close friends. Take care and good luck

Answer 6

Keeping your secret doesn't solve your problem. I think you need to talk to your man and both of you make a decision together. If this really isn't what you want then there are options available to you but they should be undertaken with a lot of care and with some counselling. Don't let yourself be pressurred into anything you don't feel comfortable doing. You have nothing to be ashamed of or scared about, accidents happen, even when women are taking the pill and there are ways to handle this situation. You should tell you man and your family and seek support. There are family planning clinics and guidance counsellors for you to turn to for advice and information about your next step.

Good luck.

Answer 7

The issue is not whether to keep this a secret. The longest it can remain a secret is until you start to show. For the second baby this will be 4 or 5 months at the longest.
The real issue is what to do about it. The same old choices remain. 1. Have an unwanted kid. 2. Give it up for adoption. 3. Get an abortion.
Look at the pro's and con's of each choice and decide.
You will find supporters and detractors for each of the choices. Ultimately it is up to you.

Answer 8

I was in the same position. i had two children without being married. I never doubted i wanted to have the children. It is not easy, but everyday is a blessing. I believe that ever person has a reason for being here. I do not believe that children are created by mistake, just because we dont plan them, does not mean there is not a plan for their lives. I agree it is hard ( i have three kids). Your family will not be as upset as you think. They may be at first, but they will love this baby more than you know. My family did not react well at first, but they love all of my children and would never change the course of events. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 9

Right now you need SUPPORT. First go find some counseling ... a level-headed friend, a certified counselor, a minister/priest, etc. Get some SANE advice.

Remember, this baby did not ask to be conceived ... the baby does not deserve to be unwanted.

Your family will most likely love and accept this child once he or she is born. But you must also consider your ability to properly mother this child.

By the sound of it, you did not purposely cause this pregnancy. Your man needs to accept the fact that sometimes sex leads to pregnancy. If he is too immature to understand this, then I suggest he get a vasectomy.

If AFTER counseling (do not do this without getting ALL necessary information) you decide abortion is the right choice, then do it SOON.

Take care.

Answer 10

you should tell someone who is impartial in the situation. ask a friend who you are not that close to or tell someone who can keep a secret. you have to tell someone. don't let this go on for more than a few more weeks. you need to make a decision and quick. if you can't keep the baby then give it up for adoption or into foster care until you can afford to keep it. don't get an abortion. it is a life whether wanted or not it still has a meaning and a purpose to fulfill. and are you positive it isn't just a false alarm?

Answer 11

I felt the same way when I got pregnant with my my second. Believe it or not but I hid it for 7 months. I felt so much better when I finally told everyone though. I am now a single mother to 3 beautiful children and don't regret one minute of it. Don't ever think that you can't do it because you can. Trust me I know raising kids is hard and can be very challenging at times but you can do it. If you ever need someone to talk to or need help with anything feel free to contact me. [e-mail] Good Luck