what can i do about my step-dad he hates who i am and is trying to change me?

Question

i have a lot of friends that r guys and a lot of them like me and i like them but we wont date because we dont want to end up hating each other anyways some of us have a band and the others i go skateboarding and i ride dirtbikes and fourwheelers plus i play paintball with them and im the only girl, i can hold my own and everything else my mom has always supported me but now she has married my new stepdad he doesnt support or like the fact that im a tomboy he hates all the guys i hang out with he wants me to act like a "normal" lady, like make up and pigtails (i know that really isnt normal) dresses and all that stuff well i hate that and it will drive me crazy im my own person but he tries to own me what should i do i hate him and he never lets me hang out with my guy friends what can i do? o and im only 14 so....

i think its because his girls/kids arent like me there "normal" ladies

Answer 1

Meet him in the middle. Give him a day an activity a week (or every other) when you are a "lady" with him. Then, invite him to just as many where you are "yourself."

You may discover it can be nice to dress up sometimes and he may discover what makes you smile.

Either way, be easy on the guy. I know 14 sucks and so do step peeps, but it is only temporary.

Answer 2

I'm getting a bad feeling about his story. You didn't say one thing about having trouble in school or with the law or anything because you were going overboard.

What you did say is that he wants you to look more sexually desirable. There are plenty of parents who try to PREVENT their daughters from wearing make-up and so on. And if your step-dad thinks your mom is attractive, and you look like a younger version of her ... well, I'm sure you see where I'm going with this line of thinking. Now, there's nothing wrong with him having these feelings if he doesn't act on them, and he may not even realize them, but I bet that kind of dynamic is present to at least some extent. And by the way; pig-tails are a staple of the kind of porn sites in which the girls are supposed to look like school-age teenagers.

So here's what I think you should do. Tell your Mom or both them together that you're just not interested in that stuff YET. You're sure you will be some day -- and you wouldn't mind practicing a bit right now to learn for that future day (that's the compromise idea somebody else suggested) -- but you're in a phase of your life that you're really enjoying, and you don't see what the RUSH is about growing up and being attractive to males.

By the way -- I have a stepdaughter who I met when she was 13. (She's now 26). She is and always was gorgeous. We've had long stretches where we didn't get along too well (she has a great Dad, so she was naturally slow to appreciate my good points, but very quick to be annoyed by my failings). But I've never felt I should tell her what to do, except in the rarest and simplest of matters, and I haven't even very often taken the attitude "Now sit still for a moment and listen to my advice, which you can then take or reject as you see fit."

And on the one day when she happened to pick a hair style and set of clothing I found unbelievably sexy -- well, I'm pretty sure neither she nor her mother noticed my reaction, and if they read this note they'd have no memory of or ability to guess exactly what that style was. I made as sure of that as I possibly could, keeping on my very best poker face. And I don't have a moment's regret that I've never seen her looking like that again.

Your step-dad is way out of line, if you're reporting things fairly accurately, even if he's wrong for quite innocent reasons.

Please e-mail me if you feel like it. I normally wouldn't encourage that in an under-age girl. But since the whole point of the story is that you should NOT be pressured to be desirable to men -- especially by the standards of a man old enough to be your father -- I think we can make an exception in your case. ;)

Answer 3

well, you have to understand that he wants to protect you, that's why he doesn't approve of them(the boys) or let you hang around with them.
i don't think that trying to change you is the answer. He has to let you be yourself. as you are 14, you will change when you are ready. might i suggest, talking to your mom about this and your step-dad. Let him understand that you will be miserable as a "normal lady" as you put it. Find a way to show him that you are responsible enough to hang around with guys and he should trust you.

If you can, try hanging out around the house once in a while, to show him that you can manage yourself with guys around. you can be a lady and still hang around with guys. being a lady is not all about makeup, sugar, spice and everything nice.

This might be hard, but try being nice , even when he's being mean. niceness beats anger.

Answer 4

Well i mean your mom supports you and that's all that matters. Stick up for yourself girl make yourself known and show that your happy being the girl that you are evn though he is trying to stop you. He's fighting you, but you just gotta fight back even harder!

good luck and kick some ***!!

Answer 5

i know the place you're coming from costly...i'm 18 top now, regardless of the undeniable fact that that is no longer my step dad or something attempting to alter me that is my husband. All my existence I grew up working at the back of the livestock chutes getting grimy with the boys, fourwheeling in the dirt, enjoying soccer, utilising rapid and livid(lol), all that sturdy stuff. My family participants by no ability had a topic with it because of the fact they knew they have been only strickly pals, because of the fact I by no ability proper to different women like i assume I could've. advantageous, I had my few decide on girlfriends, yet they have been only like me too, no longer afraid to get down and grimy. yet, now I truthfully have a limit, only such as you do, the two one in each of them men bypass parent. adult men that have a ability on your sensible to think of that they might exchange each little thing which you have been in the past, and that i think of that's time for them to comprehend, that only reason you have guy pals, does no longer mean something is going on. attempt telling your doorstep-dad which you do no longer prefer to develop into one in each of his daughters, which you're your guy or woman individual, and you only wish he would admire that. tell him, no longer only do you like the guy you're, your mom does not concepts. tell him that your, your guy or woman individual and which you only prefer him to comprehend you. If something communicate on your mom approximately it. She could have the flexibility that might actually assist you out hun. If something make a compromise with your doorstep dad to boot, tell him which you will gown like a woman on fridays or some thing, yet your unlikely to do it each and all of the time. only be your self, tell them if he trys protecting you lower back your only going to do it at the back of his lower back, so that's appropriate that he only facilitates you to do it devoid of gripping, so as that way he do no longer seize you while your no longer meant to be doing it.

Answer 6

Your still young who knows how you'll turn out when your grown. Don't let anyone try to change who you are. Try getting your mom and him together and having a talk with them about how you feel.

Answer 7

I am 13 and my mother is the same way just tell him everbody has there own opion and that who u r and if he don't like it ******* !( not in those words)

Answer 8

Get your mother to mediate a compromise between you two.