If you believe that a very young child is too young to be reasoned with....(details)?

Question

Why in the world would you think that the same child would understand that a spanking is anything other than a terror tactic?

That doesn't make sense to me, I don't understand how a loving parent can strike a child.

I ask this question as a follow up to this one asked a few moments ago.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070217170809AAUWEKA&r=w#RcYqWja.VjXXdYcDfd_E1vDV75geJ2Pl1stX7HpkrpQaTQOqRSql

For the record, I am the SINGLE mother of three sons, I have never had help in raising my children. My oldest is 21, a responsible boy who's been employed since the age of 16 and is engaged to be married.

My 14 year old is an Honor Roll student, my youngest is 11, has never received a grade lower than an A, and plans to attend Carnegie Mellon University.

I have never struck my children.

This is my reply to the question whose link I supplied.

I've been a mom for almost 22 years, and I have never raised a hand to any of my children. We have our bad days just like anyone else, but rather than hit my children I take away privileges that must be earned back through a change in attitude and behavior. I've always preferred this over a time out, because sitting for a few moments doesn't seem like much of a deterrent to bad behavior. Losing the TV for a week hits them where it hurts, and as a bonus gives them excess free time. Boredom eventually sets in, and these times seem to be when the kids gravitate towards mom. It's a great opportunity for talking and reconnecting, something I recommend highly. Striking someone you love is just wrong. You would never slap a friend so why hit your child?

Malak...I never reasoned with a two year old about not running into the street. I supervised my children, insisted on holding their hands, took them to the car secure in a shopping cart. Where there's a will there's a way, you don't need to spank your children if you are willing to work at being a parent.

Answer 1

Sweetgurl, if you can get to them to smack their hand or their backside, you can't take the fork away or carry them off with you? This is what she means by lazy parenting. You just want to hit them and then go back to whatever you were doing, rather than actually TAKE CARE of your child. You want this magic fix that will free you up to do whatever you were busy with so you can leave the child alone again. That's why there are so many criminally-minded people today. It's not because they weren't spanked, because most were. It's because they weren't PARENTED. I was beaten with a belt well into my teens, but I was never taught right from wrong by it. I was only taught that THEY didn't want this behavior. So, what they didn't know, didn't hurt them or me.

If my child was running out into the street, and I could get to them, I would lift them up to my chest and hold them tight, then explain that they scared me because I was afraid they would get hurt. Again, if they can't understand that reasoning, then there is no way that they'd understand that a swat on their butt was because they were going out into the street.

Answer 2

I was spanked, and a whole lot more when I was a child. All it did to me was breed fear and anger toward my mother, who was quite generous with her punishments. Most of the time I did not even know what I did to deserve the punishment! I made it a point to NOT spank my child, and I believe he turned out quite well. He neither feared me, nor hated me for punishing him . (Okay, maybe he hated me DURING the punishment) I think it is a child's job to push the parent to the limit to see just where the limits are. Once those are estalished and enforced consistantly, the child settles down. A gentle smack on a part of the body that will not be harmed, a firm "NO" in public, and at home a firm "NO" and placed on a chair for a few minutes is usually adequate punnishment in my book. Then sit down with the child and explain WHAT was done wrong, and WHY. It is important to do so and at a level the child understands at his/her age. When the child is older, 'house arrest' or 'grounded' is also an option. I believe the child will have a better sense of right and wrong than just being spanked. Just because the child hurt you by disobeying, does not give you the right to hurt the child by spanking them.

Answer 3

I think that a form of physical discipline like that should only be used as a last resort,and if used,it should only leave temporary discomfort.That's only if you absolutely HAVE to use it.
I don't know if it worked for me when I was younger. I rarely was spanked,because my parents were(and still are)mind ninjas,as DC would put it.
But if I was disciplined in the way you speak of,after the spanking/paddle/belt we'd have a talk.I think that the talk was the thing that made me stop doing wrong....not the pain.

Answer 4

there doesn't seem to be any sense in explaining the psycology here, as you've already made up your mind on the subject.
I gave my children far more credit than you would give them.
None of my children received a spanking in anger, and none of them received any punishment out of no where - they knew exactly what they did and they knew there would be consequenses for disobedience or disrespect. Sometimes it was a spank, and sometimes not. I explained what the boundaries were in words they could understand from the time they began to crawl, and for the most part they respected them. They pushed the boundaries when they felt the need to test me, and I let them know when they went too far in words before actoins.
they weren't spanked before the age of 1 1/2 and not beyond age 5. They are great kids, they respect us, they communicate with us, argue when they please and sometimes actually win. They are bright intelligent and witty, and none of them would ever say they suffered abuse in any way.

Answer 5

I'm very glad you're children survived. Too many don't when they're not taught to, those are the 2-year olds that run out in the street and get hit because mom tried to reason with them instead of physically keeping them from running into the street. I saw this the other day, a woman trying to reason with her little one who ran out of the grocery into the parking lot. Luckily, there was not car hurtling toward the child, but that was pure luck. I spanked my kids when they were pre-reasoning age, and they in turn learned not to run out into the street. By the time they can actually reason, they lost priviledges or got time outs, but anyone who tells me they can reason with a kid under the age of two needs mental health counseling or has never actually had kids.

Answer 6

I think that a child younger than 2 is too young to be reasoned with. But by the time they get to the age that they can throw a tantrum you MUST begin to reason with them. Otherwise you are giving the child full permission to behave badly.

It goes like this (in a very calm voice) "You are making a very silly loud noise. I am not going to talk to you until you stop that silly noise. When you have calmed down, we will talk this over again".

A tantrum is a demand for attention. If they do not get the attention, all that effort is wasted. If they do get lots of attention, you have rewarded bad behaviour and it will continue..... perhaps on into adulthood.

Answer 7

I will never understand it either. Hitting a child is wrong no matter how they justify it.

It's really amazing to know there are so many parents who think it is some kind of loving gesture.

Answer 8

OK, I understand. I'm supposed to give a child a lecture when they are going toward a light socket with a metal fork. I'm not supposed to slap their hand, but talk to them and they won't electrocute them self.
I'm not supposed to let them play outside unless I'm holding their hand so they won't go into the street. If they do happen to slip away from my grasp and go toward oncoming traffic, I'm supposed to give them a stern lecture that they could get hit by a car.
I got it now, they should elecrocute themself or get hit by a car instead of getting a slap on the hand or on their a ss.

Answer 9

spanking is somethimes the only way to get your point across. i agree that there are plenty of other forms of disipline. but when all else fails spank them. i dont have to spank my children often but when they need it a spanking is what they get. my kids obviosly dont suffer for it. tyey are always telling me they love me and that i am thier best freind.

Answer 10

I agree with you. Children learn through experience and guidence. I would imagine being hit by an adult is very terrifying (wouldn't know, I was never spanked.)