Parents?? Can you give your opinion??

Question

I am a parent of a son and daughter. My son is 17 and my daughter is 8, this is about my son though.
I agreed to let him go skiing at our condos at the ski resort with his best friend, g/f and her friend. My wife and I are staying here though. She is mad at me for letting him go but I know he will make good choices and they are all 17. I mean he cuddles with his g/f at home here, and kisses her, so I trust him to have safe se.x.
Should my wife be mad at me??

He asked her if he could go and she told him to ask me.

I explained all this to her but she says she fears it will not be safe.

Answer 1

You really should have staved your son off long engough to discuss the pros/cons with your wife.
If the girlfriend is underage, how much so? That could be a real legal issue.
If she is underage, I'm suprised her parents would let her go with your son no matter how wonderful/responsible he is.

Answer 2

Your wife told him to ask you, he did and you said yes. I think she's probably mad because she thought you would say no. If she didn't want to be the one to tell your son no, and put the burden of the decision making on your shoulders, she put you in a no-win situation. If you told your son no, HE would be mad at you, but you said yes and now SHE'S mad at you....and she shouldn't be. If she didn't want him going, she should have told you that before you made the decision, and then you BOTH would have been part of the process. She opted out, so she needs to get past it.

If your son having sex with his g/f was her major concern, not letting them go on the ski trip is NOTgoing to stop that from happening. Where there's a will, there's a way. I understand that she doesn't want to set up an "open door policy" where sex is concerned, but again...she should have made the decision to say no then, instead of leaving you to take the heat (either way).

Answer 3

It could be a bit risky so yes she has a right to be mad. It's a decision you should have made as a couple. I believe she thought you'd say no that's why she passed it off to you. She didn't want to be the "bad guy". I'd make sure my son knows this is a huge trust thing and if he messes this up, he's damaging your trust in him for sometime to come. Good kids can make bad decisions when they are pressured or away from the positive influences of mom and dad.

Answer 4

I would be a little upset. Because even though you want to trust them just think back to how you were at 17. I would of agreed if they were 18 and also is there going to be any drinking. If there is and you don't know it that could be worse than having safe sex. If someone gets hurt remember they are all under age. If one of them gets into any kind of trouble remember they are still underage. Even though you trust them you never know what is really up, so yes I would agree with your wife. To settle this mess you already agreed to, You should go and be chaperon and maybe bring the wife too.

Answer 5

yes she should. The decision should be up to the parents not parent. It is risky to have teenagers staying in a condo for a weekend let's see if I was 17 agian what would I be doing if mom and dad were not around. Not a good idea. Maybe you can jsut allow them to ski for the day and come home.

Answer 6

She shouldn't have told your son to let you decide. And you shouldn't have made the decision to let him go without discussing it with her, and with your son.

I'm the father of three sons. Trust me, those kids are having a blast up there at the resort.

I hope you fare better as a grandfather. It could happen sooner than you think! ;)

Answer 7

If your wife wasn't allowed to be part of making that decision, yes she has a right to be mad at you. I would be mad if my husband allowed my son to go somewhere like that without discussing it with me first.

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In that case no. She probably assumed you would say no and left it at that. If she really didn't want him to go she should have sat down with you first and discussed her feelings and came up with a plan together; not just leave it all on you and then get mad when you make a decision like that.

Answer 8

If she pawned the sons question off on you then she's got no right to be "mad". However, if she's uncomfortable about the sex situation between her son and his g/f then she needs to talk to the boy about safe sex. She may also want to discuss this with the young lady and her parents as well. We cannot keep our children from having sex, the hormones will find a way. But we can be frank with them about protection and we should also feel comfortable about talking with our childrens' partners as well. Maybe they don't feel they can talk to their parents about protection but if they have NO one to turn to they would probably still have sex, protection or not.

Answer 9

If she told him to ask you and he did... then sorry Mom you are wrong. BUT. In my opinion also, if they were going to have sex, they probably already have. It isn't like it takes a special place or something. 17 year olds don't make good decisions, that is for sure but probably nothing will change in how he acted before the weekend and after or during the weekend.

Answer 10

Depends...did you and your wife previously discuss this situation TOGETHER before you made the decision? Or did you make the decision on your own without her knowing? If it were me and I were left out of the decision-making process, yes, I would be angry. The husband-wife relationship (as we all know and is nothing new) is to be a TEAM and work together. Not against one another.