Do your kids have to hate you for you to b a good parent?

Question

Why is it that people insist that your a bad parent if your kids don't hate you. Ive heard dozens of people say that if your kids have never said they hated you then your not a good parent. Is it not all possible that you can raise your kids well and have them understand that the things that you do are out of love without them resenting you?

Im not actually a mom. Its just that im a teenager and i have never spoken those words to my mother and it bothers me that in some peoples minds if a child never says that then you are not a good parent. I think that my mom is a wonderful parent and she's not leniant shes probably one of the most strict parents i know. I mean i understand that some kids don't get it and think their parents are out to get them when they are just trying to protect them but it irks me to think that a lot of people do take this seriously.

Answer 1

My kids don't hate me, and many have told me I'm a good mom.

I didn't hate my parents either - though my mom and I sure bickered a lot when I was a teen - but I never hated them. Still don't! I think they were good parents; taught me respect, good values, how to survive in the world and how to be an individual. most of all, they taught me how to think for myself. I've passed that along to my kids.

Personally? Your ability to phrase that question so well is a credit to your parents. They are good parents as well. keep loving them!

Answer 2

I think all kids tell their parents they hate them at least once - my son is 6 and I've heard it a few times. I know he really doesn't hate me - he just doesn't understand the severity of the word.

I think their point is that good parents aren't afraid to let their children hate them - and I don't honestly think that the kids to hate their parents, I think it's an outburst in the heat of an arguement or a punishment, etc. Not all kids say it - and I think that you can be a good parent if you've never heard the "hate" word from your kid.

In my opinion - good parents do what's right for their kids regardless of how "popular" it makes them in their kids eyes.
I don't think kids will always understand that what a parent does or says is in their best interest. Not at the time anyhow - maybe retrospectively. I think that at some time in their lives - all children will be upset with or resent their parents.

Answer 3

I'm a single mom with three kids, two are adults now. None of them has ever said they hate me. And we got along even while the two older ones were going through their difficult years. My eldest is a son, a United States Marine! My middle child is a senior in high school... active in everything... and headed for college.

I actually think parents project that type of behavior onto their kids... They expect the kids to act like that... so the kids do!

When you have your own kids... play games, cards, word games, tell jokes, take lots of pictures.. make memories with them from day one.. Those fun times and memories will get you through the rough teenaged years.

Answer 4

My mother raised me very well and I love her to death and she is my best friend but she knows how to turn around and be a parent at the same time, so you just have to find a middle point. I understand the reason to everything she taught me and that it was for the best for me and I'm 15 by the way so your kids don't have to hate you for you to be a good parent and if they do, then you're not a good one, or maybe I'm just good like that. Lol, j/k.

Answer 5

At some point a good parent will tell their child that there is something they can not do. That child will think the world will end if they can't do it and scream/think that they hate the parent. Especially in the teen years, teenagers think they know everything and are always right and that their parents are "old" and don't understand that "EVERYONE" else is doing it.

Answer 6

Yes, of course it's possible to be a good parent w/out your kids hating you. When they're very young and being prevented from doing something they want to do or have, it's pretty common for them to say they hate us. I find that with older kids, unless they really have an issue w/anger or drugs, that type of comment really becomes much less frequent. Their brains are developing and they may be smart enough to discover that telling us we're hated is basically not going to get them anywhere!

Parenting is a continuous balancing act. We only hope we're successful. Being our kids' "friends" doesn't cut it. Neither does being their warden or jailer or constant critic. As they say, it's the toughest job you'll ever have or love.

Answer 7

I think that most kids do at one time or another say that and actually feel that way for a minute or two only. Usually its when mom and dad have cracked down on the kid and the kid thinks its unfair. If you havent had this kind of confrontation with your parents then be thankful they are not fun which ever side you are on.

Answer 8

I understand what you're saying. But imagine that you have a 5-year-old who you take with you to the store. It's time to go, but he sees yet another expensive toy that he says that he NEEDS. You say no. He blurts out "I hate you."The words "I hate you," sound pretty silly when it's just over not being allowed to have an expensive toy. But not to the 5-year-old. For a second that toy was the most important thing in the world. How do you get a child that young to understand that you won't let him have that toy because you love him and know what's best for him?

Answer 9

I'm not a parent but I am the child of a wonderful mother. She was a single parent, and I NEVER hated her. Now, she has made me mad. But my brother and I never did drugs, partied, etc. In fact, we are both in college. My mom had a fine line between parent and friend. Some ways she was our friend and in others our parent. I never hesitated to talk to my mom as a friend. I think you have to find a balance between those two things.

Answer 10

No, your children do not have to hate you. I do believe though that if your children have never been upset with you or disagreed with you then you are probably being a little too lenient. I know a lot of good kids who were like that from the start but they all pushed the limits at sometime or another.