About a year ago, I had a relationship with a young man who seemed nice at first- but then as things went further, I found out that he was not only extremely controlling, but also very jealous and very possessive even though I didn't flirt with other men nor cheat on him. There were times when he would threaten to leave me when I wouldn't sleep with him. He wasn't pleased about the fact that I loved dressing up (he never had to pay for anything, I buy my own clothing and pay for my own beauty products) and always wanted me to dress very casually and not even fix my hair (I am NOT kidding!) whenever he wanted to see me. There were times when he would call me, moaning and nearly crying when the subject of me leaving him would come up. He even cheated on me. I have dated some men after that (just casually) and this man and I are already broken up, but I still feel this sense of pain, brokenness, and a much lower sense of self-esteem.
2007-02-17 10:19:32 · 13 answers · asked by purringout 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
By the way, as POSTED near the end of my paragraph, we already are broken up, but I am just trying to recover.
2007-02-17 10:40:42 · update #1
this young man got you all twisted up cause im sure at first, you were like, oh well maybe he is just protective, right? then it got worse and worse till you felt that he would probably do worse than "break up" with you if you left, you finally got tired and left...... well feeling like your hurting is normal. feeling a little "lower" or like **** is normal. you obviously cared about him. but you need to remember why you left. and why it obviously wasnt meant to be. regret, and sadness are all feelings anyone gets when they break up or have things that need grieving. anyway hope this helped, oh and to answer your first question, YES, that would be considered an emotionally abusive relationship.
2007-02-17 10:32:10 · answer #1 · answered by ian e 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know that people see a serious relationship as something that has been going on for a long period of time, but there are certain factors needed to keep that relationship alive. I believe that a serious relationship is is when the two people are committed, faithful, and most importantly, truly in love, because of course, a relationship isn't really a relationship if you don't love your significant other. Respect for one another, trust, unending support, good communication, etc. are also things that assure a road to an amazing relationship. I'm 14, and I've had two relationships. My first relationship (when I was 13) lasted 1 year and 5 months. And my second is the one that I'm currently in now... and so far we've been together for 11 months, and I know that I am in love with him. Now, I know most people would say, "no, that's too young," but it's true, I am in love with him - we were very close best friends for a long time before getting together and we spent every day together and every night on the phone - and we still do.
2016-05-23 23:45:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's a great book I read, "Ditch the Jerk", which doesn't really mean the advice is always to dump a man. It's a very clear look at 4 levels of abusiveness. Even if you're no longer together, as I am also no longer with the "jerk" in question, it's still a nice read to put things in perpsective. You already seem to know the answer to your question. The book will help you to look at him dispassionately, through their explanations of behaviors like his. With this perspective, you should get some relief from your pain, brokenness and lower sense of self-esteem. The book is a quick, easy read too
Best wishes and good luck
2007-02-17 10:33:00 · answer #3 · answered by josielechat 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
GOOD thing you are not with him anymore. I had a relationship like that, and it was very hard for me to get out. He was extremely manipulative, controlling, abusive, made me feel like nothing, etc. The best thing you did was leave him. Now you can look back and learn from the relationship. Why did you get into such a relationship, and why did you go along with all his nonsense for as long as you did? These are important questions you need to answer about yourself, mostly so that you can avoid similar relationships in the future.
Second, realize that everything he said/did to you was about HIM, and not you. You did nothing wrong - it's that he has mental problems, obvious from what you've written so far. He was overly jealous because of his own lack of self-esteem, and he tried to feel better by making you feel low. It is classic behavior of a guy with 'issues'.
In any case, it sounds like you stopped the relationship before it really got out of hand, which shows your inner strength. I hope you can get him out of your mind and heal quickly.
2007-02-17 10:30:44 · answer #4 · answered by n o 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Abuse? Yeah. Low form, but effective anyway. I feel your pain. 10 Years worth. Glad you recognized it early enough to get out. And that you had the courage to. Don't beat yourself up. It's ok to grieve some, but don't let the past hold you back. Just make it clear next time that you do not intend to tolerate abuse of ANY kind.
2007-02-17 10:30:29 · answer #5 · answered by TN Seeker 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it would.
Abuse comes in many forms and degrees. He doesn't sound like the sort of bad guy one wishes one could throw into a jail along with the wife-beaters. But the relationship sounds abusive even so.
2007-02-17 10:23:28 · answer #6 · answered by Curt Monash 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust me I've been there and it will only get worse. Leave him. No man should make you feel bad about yourself nor are they worth it. Get out while you can. Find someone who makes you happy. Good Luck.
2007-02-17 10:27:20 · answer #7 · answered by tina 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good riddens to bad boys. Sounds like you did the right thing breaking up with him. Dress up. It will raise your self esteem. Flirt, be flirted with, enjoy life.
good luck.
2007-02-17 10:24:39 · answer #8 · answered by krzylove 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
.You need to stay far away from him-Self esteem would be a poor excuse to let somebody abuse If you need to question this then you definitely are abused. Would you like him to bash your head in the wall the next time you wear make up-Is that thrilling?Do you like people stealing from you that's what he is doing but YOU ALLOW IT-SELF ESTEEM-I don't think so STUPIDITY more like it. Dump him unless you like people to abuse you-Nobody deserves this from a relationship-PICK yourself up before your family needs to read about you in the paper. CHOOSE WISELY . I know this is hard to hear but you really need the wake up call.
2007-02-17 10:35:11 · answer #9 · answered by vox179 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u already know what type of guy he was then y u care abt him...if he is gone out of you are life...thank god for it...such crazy guy is gone.....who wants to control your life..........don't feel bad just learn from your mistake don't repeat them..enjoy you are life and dress yourself u like.......be happy......
2007-02-17 10:25:41 · answer #10 · answered by mahek 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋